Monday, January 19, 2009

Why Did the Peacock Cross the Road?

The following is proof that we have a peacock problem. We have a history of peacock problems.

It all started when I brought home our first peacock ,whom the kids and I named Prince on the 45 minute drive from the farmer's house to ours. At the farmer's house the peacocks were just hanging around. perched on the barn and such. I asked the farmer if he had to clip their wings to make sure they stayed there. He said "I don't think they can fly, I've never clipped their wings they just stay here." I called GI Joe tell him to prepare a penned in area for the peacock until he got used to us (everything has to be tame around here). By the time I got home GI Joe had a nice area fenced in for Prince. As we were unloading Prince's cage from my truck GI Joe asked me "Do they fly?" I said "The farmer said they don't." And guess what happened at that very moment....PRINCE FLEW AWAY!!! It was a sight to behold as this beautiful brightly colored peacock soared thru the air until it dawned on us "oh crap he's flying away how are we going to catch him?!" There is some timber south of our house and it looked like Prince landed somewhere in there so GI Joe took off after him. He found him once and was getting close when Prince took off again. Prince was gone forever. Rumor has it that he has been spotted in some trees between us and the farmer's house.

Our second attempt at peacock ownership began with the purchase of a lovely pair of male and female from a livestock auction. We'd researched it this time and knew that it was best to keep them contained for 3 months before letting them wander. We had arrived home late at night from the auction and instead of getting them set up in their new area we left them in the large dog kennel that they came in. We checked on them in the morning and they were fine so we left them in the kennel and resolved to unleash them in their area when we got home from work. Plan failed when Bad Luck Neighbor Kid tricked the bus driver into letting him off at our house and they beat me home. By the time I got home the peacocks were GONE, the kennel had been opened. I'm not pointing fingers here but I'm telling you Bad Luck Neighbor Kid is/was my prime suspect. We did another search and found the female in the trees on the side of the road a ways down from our house. With a little luck and a large fishing net we caught her but to this day I think the male ran off with a pheasant. Cheatin' scumbag.

Finally last spring we acquired 2 more beautiful peacocks. We actually contained them for 5 months to make sure they knew this was home. And they do kinda. They occasionally fly down the road to the neighbors to perch on their swingset and are known to take a daily walk to GI Joe's parents place to eat cat food but for the most place they stick around the Koons Zoo and mingle with the other creatures. But we've got a problem......

The following is a conversation that took place Saturday while I was at the grocery store touring the Weinermobile.

Doorbell rings, strange lady is standing outside of our front door.
GI Joe answers: "Hello?"

Lady: "Ummm yes do you have peacocks?"

GI Joe: "Yes, why?"

Lady: "Well because one of them is standing in the middle of the road and he won't move. I'm afraid he's going to get hit."
GI Joe steps outside makes a peacock like noise (I never told you he's a peacock whisperer did I? Oh yeah he can talk to cows, llamas, turkeys too.) Pete the Peacock scurries off the road into our front yard. Lady is slightly embarrassed that it was so easy, GI Joe tells her thanks for letting us know, and she leaves probably cursing the darn rednecks who have peacocks that roam into the road.

The Next Day

Scene: We are in town doing some shopping when GI Joe's phone rings. Here is an an excerpt from that conversation.

GI Joe's Mom (FRANTICALLY): This is Mom, your peacock was standing in the middle of the road and he almost got hit.

GI Joe: Whaddya want me to do put a shock collar on them?

(Me, giggling hysterically at that visual)

So today I ordered this sign to help rectify the problem and prevent any automobile peacock fatalities. I'm sure the drivers on our road will LOVE it. Yep we've reached a whole new level of hillbilliness.

I wanted to order this one just to make the neighbors talk. And really don't you think an elephant crossing the road would be slightly self explanatory?

Gotta go, I have to do Peacock Patrol til the sign comes!

1 comment:

  1. I copied most of your blog posts & sent them to Mark to read about how funny you are.