Lady Lessons By the Prairie Princess

Now make no mistake I am no Miss Manners, after all I'm the girl who enjoys frolicking with farm animals in coveralls and as a result may sometimes smell like manure. However, I pride myself on generally carrying myself like a "lady". I mean really even when I'm doing dirty, stinky, farm girl stuff my lip gloss is always nearby as one must always be presentable. Obviously my use of lip gloss constitutes me as an authority on being a lady and certifies me to instruct others on such things.

The reason I bring this up is because it's come to my attention as of late that there are women out there who need some lessons in conducting themselves in a lady like manner. The following are public service announcements:


*To the female (she is NOT a lady) who unapologetically touched my friend's husband inappropriately, while his wife (my friend) was standing 6 inches away. You crossed the line there sista. Now I realize you were being an equal opportunity groper by not discriminating between the married and unmarried men. But you should know that the saying goes "Play hard to get" NOT "Grab all you can get." A lady is never grabby and certainly distinguishes between the available and unavailable gentlemen. You are lucky that my friend IS a lady and nicely told you hands off her husband instead of laying you out right then and there. Keep your grubby hands to yourself in the future or the Prairie Princess will be called for back up and you don't want to mess with me, I wrestle goats and sheep to the ground for fun.


*It is never ever okay as a lady to tell your coworker that you aren't wearing a bra to work. Seriously, I don't even have words to address this. It really happened to me yesterday though. And NO I wasn't the one telling my coworkers I wasn't wearing a bra I was the one being told this information. My ears and eyes burned the rest of the day.


*As a lady, it is not okay to scream words like "MORON, IDIOT, or WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" to a fellow driver when they pull out in front of you and nearly cause you to hit the Casey's gas station sign. Oh wait, oops that's exactly what I did yesterday. Please disregard all advice offered as I am obviously not qualified to be giving advice on how to be a lady. But I was screaming those words with freshly applied lip gloss on my lips, that's gotta count for something right?!?