Ryder like a Russian spy about to divulge the nation's top secrets: "Mommy, BLADE DIDN'T WEAR UNDERWEAR TO SCHOOL TODAY!!!" clearly anticipating Blade's swift and harsh punishment.
Me: "Umm what? Blaaaaaaaaaadddddddddeeeeeeee come here please!!!"
Blade: "What Mommy?"
Me: "Did you wear underwear to school today?"
Blade, looking sheepishly (and adorable): "No. You guys didn't lay any out for me so I forgot."
Me: "Really? You didn't think about walking over to your dresser and getting your own underwear out?"
Blade: "I forgot."
Me: "Oh yeah I do that all the time, forget to wear underwear..NOT REALLY. You wore jeans today wasn't it a little um..uncomfortable?"
Blade: "Nah I just pretended I had on really thin underwear."
Me: "Oh well that makes perfect sense then, glad it worked. I'd hate for you to chafe. You're a goof. Now go put some underwear on before we go to church Captain Commando."
Ryder: "What does chafe mean?"
Me: "When your skin gets sore from rubbing against your clothes."
Ryder: "Blade did you CHAFE?!?"
Blade, inspecting the anatomy in question: "No I'm fine. What's commando mean?"
Me: "THat's a relief. It means when someone doesn't wear underwear. Let's shoot for Captain Underpants instead though."
Blade giggling: "OK I'll go put on underwear."
Me: "Good, and we'll try to remember to lay out your underwear so you don't "forget" again."
Look at all the life lessons I just taught them about chafing and going commando. Gotta remember to put that on my Mother of the Year nomination.
Because I happen to love to dress my kids and am relishing this tiny window of opportunity where I can get away with picking out their clothes daily, I've created monsters. Pantsless monsters.
All I know is that it's gonna be a little awkward when he goes off to college and I have to call him every morning to remind him to WEAR HIS UNDERWEAR SO HE DOESN'T CHAFE.
That's the kind of mom I am, the kind that wants nothing more for her sons than to wear underwear and avoid chafing.