Thursday, January 27, 2011

Captain No Underpants

The other day after school, Ryder came running in to tattle tell me some important information.  I could tell it was going to be a big deal by how wide eyed and  out of breath he was. 
Ryder like a Russian spy about to divulge the nation's top secrets:  "Mommy, BLADE DIDN'T WEAR UNDERWEAR TO SCHOOL TODAY!!!" clearly anticipating Blade's swift and harsh punishment.
Me:  "Umm what?  Blaaaaaaaaaadddddddddeeeeeeee come here please!!!"
Blade:  "What Mommy?"
Me:  "Did you wear underwear to school today?"
Blade, looking sheepishly (and adorable):  "No.  You guys didn't lay any out for me so I forgot."
Me:  "Really?  You didn't think about walking over to your dresser and getting your own underwear out?"
Blade:  "I forgot."
Me:  "Oh yeah I do that all the time, forget to wear underwear..NOT REALLY.  You wore jeans today wasn't it a little um..uncomfortable?"
Blade:  "Nah I just pretended I had on really thin underwear."

Me:  "Oh well that makes perfect sense then, glad it worked. I'd hate for you to chafe. You're a goof.  Now go put some underwear on before we go to church Captain Commando."
Ryder:  "What does chafe mean?"
Me:  "When your skin gets sore from rubbing against your clothes."
Ryder:  "Blade did you CHAFE?!?"
Blade, inspecting the anatomy in question:  "No I'm fine.  What's commando mean?"
Me:  "THat's a relief.  It means when someone doesn't wear underwear.  Let's shoot for Captain Underpants instead though."
Blade giggling:  "OK I'll go put on underwear."
Me:  "Good, and we'll try to remember to lay out your underwear so you don't "forget" again."

Look at all the life lessons I just taught them about chafing and going commando.  Gotta remember to put that on my Mother of the Year nomination. 

Because I happen to love to dress my kids and am relishing this tiny window of opportunity where I can get away with picking out their clothes daily, I've created monsters.  Pantsless monsters.

All I know is that it's gonna be a little awkward when he goes off to college and I have to call him every morning to remind him to WEAR HIS UNDERWEAR SO HE DOESN'T CHAFE.

That's the kind of mom I am, the kind that wants nothing more for her sons than to wear underwear and avoid chafing.   

No comments:

Post a Comment