Sunday, January 2, 2011

What I Learned in 2010

The difference between mules and donkeys. I hate to keep beating a dead horse mule donkey but I will probably never live this down…EVER. P.S. Beyonce and Kanye are doing well.

That accidentally microwaving a chicken sandwich for 45 MINUTES instead of 45 SECONDS is not considered “normal wear and tear” and is not covered under the microwave’s warranty. And the only way to get rid of the smoky smell in the microwave is to get a new one.

That clearly my animal “sexing” skills need some work. In my defense, take a look at this picture…can you see the goods?

And those eyelashes?  Fughettaboutit.

See why we lived a lie for over a year? I’m working on this but I gotta be honest googling animal sexing is not exactly G rated. But then neither is the Brokeback Barn and Grill we’ve got going on with our 3 gay llamas or the llama porn I just posted so basically I'm just headed in a downward spiral.   

That even though we have 5 very nice, tame “laying” hens,now that it’s cold I’ve run out of eggs more than once. Back to Costco I go for the walk of shame to buy eggs in bulk.

That even though I buy butter in bulk, 4 pounds at a time, during the holiday baking season I ran out. How did I let that happen? Paula Deen would be so ashamed. Also, Holy didn’t appreciate me trying to milk him to churn my own butter. Hey, desperate times=desperate measures.

*Please note that was a joke, as you cannot milk male cows even if they are considered a “dairy breed”. You may get something but I can assure you it will NOT be milk. I tell you this because I care and because once upon a time when I was a young wannabe farm girl I thought all dairy cattle could be milked.   Again, I'm here to educate and inform you.  Please learn from my mistakes.

That 2010 was one of my least favorite years and I was more than happy to hold the door for it while it found it's way out.  True to form, the last day of 2010 was terrible weather here in Iowa so our rip roaring Baptist New Year's Eve party got cancelled. Instead of dancing on tables  holding hands while singing Kumbayah and throwing down..Uno cards we had a night at home.  I prepared a New Year's Eve feast using all Pioneer Woman's recipes: this for luck, these because they are delicious, and this because it felt like the right thing to do and RIGHT it was.  Good stuff.  We tried to trick the kids into going to bed after they showed the ball dropping in NY at 11 but they didn't fall for it.  I rue the day they learned to tell time.  So we waited it out, poured some sparkling cider in our fancy glasses, and clinked our glasses at midnight when the ball dropped..again.  It was a little bit nerdy but a lot awesome.  Good riddance 2010 and 2011 I expect great things from you. 

Happy New Year!!!

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