Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Live Those Songs Again

So how was your Thursday night? Mine was great, you know the usual, helping the kids with homework, throwing in a load of laundry, Panchero’s for dinner, oh, AND BEING FRONT ROW FOR A KENNY CHESNEY CONCERT! I regret to inform you that that right there, the overuse of the cap locks and the exclamation point? Get used to it. It’s here for the long haul. Also, this is going to be a long post so grab a cup of coffee (or medicinal brandy, I’m not here to judge), crank up some “She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy” or “Boys of Fall” or other such Kenny Chesney treasures, and get comfortable. Because there is just no way the events of yester eve can be summarized in a reasonable amount of space and without the use of numerous capital letters and exclamation points.

As you may recall, Kenny and I had a brief disruption in our otherwise harmonious long time love affair when he got a little greedy a few years back. But I straightened him out and we made up, however we haven’t seen each other since then , 2 years ago. He took a break from touring and I focused on raising kids and calves. So when we got word that he was coming back to town we were overjoyed. And when we heard that one of Annette and I’s top 5, Mr. Billy Currington was opening for him, well let’s just say our excitement was insurmountable. Annette and I, along with our other friend and coworker Kathy, strategized and bought our tickets so as to get the best seating possible. And then we focused all our energy on winning one of the radio contests to get within the first 5 rows. Every morning there was a song scramble and we would rush to figure it out and then frantically dial and hit redial trying to get thru to the radio station. I got thru a few times but was always the wrong caller number. We had all 3 resigned to the fact that we’d just have to be happy with our purchased seats, which weren’t terrible by any means, but they weren’t within touching distance, because we didn’t think there was any way we were ever going to get thru to the radio station to win the contest. On the last morning of the contest, they were giving away front row tickets. They played the song scramble ahead of time so people would have time to figure it out. I knew it instantly and pulled over on the side of the road to write it down. As soon as Kathy and Annette got into work that morning I gave them the list of song titles and we all got ready to dial in until our fingers bled. When they finally played the song scramble and then said, “Can you solve the Kenny song scramble? If so, be caller 10 RIGHT NOW!” Oh the anxiety, the sweat, the tears, the shaking as we dialed and dialed and dialed until……KATHY GOT THRU! (and nearly hyperventilated). Of course she got the songs right because if there’s one thing I know, it’s Kenny Chesney songs, and just like that FRONT ROW TICKETS.

I don’t even know how to put into words our feelings of elation and near stroke like reactions when we found our seats at the arena last night and just as promised they were FRONT ROW. Not just front row but approximately 8 inches from the stage. The very stage that these stars that we'd only seen afar, on CD covers and CMT, would be gracing. 

*The first order of business when we found our seats was to befriend the Security Guard who was stationed in front of the stage, that we would be standing 8 inches from the whole night. We quickly won him over when we assured him that the only trouble he would have from us would be me possibly passing out from pure exhilaration at the sight of Billy and/or Kenny that close to me. And then let him know that should that happen, I was not to be removed, no paramedics should be called, because I did not want to miss a thing. He was most agreeable and I kid you not, at some of the more exciting and pass out worthy moments during the night I found him looking at me to make sure I was still upright and conscious.  It helped that for the first time in my concert going history, the people in the area we were in were not pushy or overly intoxicated or obnoxious.  I think they were probably just in as much shock as we were to be in the front row. 

*The first act was Uncle Kracker. 

He was fabulous and his set allowed me the time to get the settings on my camera just right for the next act which was......

*Billy Currington!  Fact:  I want to marry Billy Currington, in addition to GI Joe of course. You know like “Sister Wives”? But instead TLC could have a show about our happy family called “Brother Husbands”. I think that’s a winning idea. And don’t worry about GI Joe, he’s fully aware and has even held my purse for me while Annette and I rushed the stage to be closer to Billy. He’s an awesome husband #1 like that.  I just really love me some Billy Currington, oh and his songs are great too.  I don't know what it is about him but when he takes the stage, my heart pounds irregularly, my face gets flushed and I may or may not have to start taking off layers of clothing because I get all hot and stuff.  :)  TMI?  Oh well.  It happens to Annette too, so it's a proven fact that Billy has that effect on people.  He's just a beautiful human being.  See..

Is it just me or is hot in here?  ;)

Listen, I don't mean to brag but Billy lovingly touched my hand, sang to me, and waved to me. I can't say for sure but I may have blown him a kiss and when I did he smiled and waved at me.  I know what you're thinking, oh sure PP, but seriously.  The people around us kept saying, "DID YOU SEE THAT?!?  HE JUST WAVED TO YOU!!   DO YOU KNOW HIM?!?"  Kathy turned around and very matter of factly told them, "He probably recognizes her from the Christmas Card."  Fun fact:  A few years ago, we sent a photo Christmas card of 4 of us country music loving girls to our favorite stars, not to their fan club, not to their manager, but to their HOMES and if they were married addressed the cards to them and their spouse and also included kids' names.  I'm certain we hung on a good many country stars' fridges during the holidays and maybe a few police blotter lists as potential stalkers.  Don't ask how we got their home addresses, let's just say I have my ways. 
So anyway, Billy obviously recognized me from the Christmas card that is still probably hanging on his fridge and also from the time Annette and I actually met him and told him we would like to be in charge of his fan club.  

I think it's pretty obvious who he's singing to, no?

Ahh Billy...... 
*Billy was amazing and beautiful and by the time it was over, I had a text from our friend Doug who was also at the concert asking me if I needed a carton of cigarettes.  The answer was yes, and a defibrillator.  I died.

*After Billy played and they were setting up the stage for Kenny, I decided to sit down, you know, to recover.  Except that I forgot that the chairs folded up if no one was sitting in them so when I went to sit down guess what?  I ended up arms flailing and booty on the  floor.  I am so smooth.  We laughed hysterically and the people around us asked me if I was drunk already.  Nope, just high on Billy life, and uncoordinated.

*Then it was time for Kenny.  Oh Kenny.  I cannot adequately put into words what happened to that arena when the curtain dropped and he was center stage.  It was magic.  He is so full of energy and knows how to get the crowd going.  He's just, dare I say, electric?  There were many people in that arena who weren't even fans of country music but after seeing Kenny perform he made them into believers.  The boy can entertain. 

And he's apparently flexible because I don't know about you but if I dropped to this position while singing it's no certainty that I would pop back up like he did. 

*Kenny Chesney is so little and adorable and I want to snatch him up and put him in my pocket. I’ve always known he was little, as in shorter than the average guy and just smaller in stature but until I was 6 inches from him I had no idea just how little he was. We were fairly certain that the 8th grader sitting down the row from us in her size 0 jeans wore the same size as Kenny. But while he may have a 26 inch waist he makes up the inches in his biceps..holy mother of Moses. Our tickets didn’t say gun show but wow, you go Kenny.

Size 0 am I right? 

Doesn't this picture make Kenny look tall?

*You guys? KENNY CHESNEY AND I SHARED DNA. I know, I know, this is kind of a personal thing to be announcing on my blog for the world to see given that I’m happily married (twice…see above) but it’s true. Kenny dripped sweat on me. At first I was a little grossed out but then I realized that his sweat had just mixed with my sweat and that it was actually a beautiful thing. It also occurred to me that using the CSI kit Ryder got for Christmas I could swab my arm for Kenny’s DNA and then send it into one of those mail order places in the back of Cosmo to have it cloned. S-uh-WEET!

Moments after our DNA sharing...

*If I ever have another child which could happen, you know since the DNA sharing and all, I will name him or her Chesney. And here’s why besides that I think it would be a cool name. Not only do I love Kenny Chesney but his songs are basically the soundtrack of my life. As he played…for 2 hours and 15 minutes…every song reminded me of a time or place or memory from my life and THAT my friends, is what I love about country music and in particular Kenny Chesney. For example, “The Good Stuff” has a line about “eating burnt suppers the whole first year (of marriage)” and I instantly thought of GI Joe and I’s first year of wedded bliss wherein I managed to burn CHILI….IN A CROCKPOT…..5 TIMES. And just like the song says he ate it and pretended to love it while I tried to hold back tears because I was desperately trying to be a good wife and what kind of wife can’t even make her husband chili in a crockpot without burning it?!? Then there’s the songs “Young” and “I Go Back” which instantly takes me back to my junior high and high school days, especially the high school ones where I was living in our small town.  My senior year of high school was basically what country songs are written about, carefree, young love, gravel roads, country boys, and FUN.   Or “Boys of Fall” that gives me goosebumps because not only does it transport me back to senior year and watching GI Joe out on the field playing for the championship title but makes me think of my boys and their love of the game and the future as a football mom, or “No Shoes No Shirt No Problem” that I distinctly remember playing on the radio as GI Joe and I were driving thru Kansas City taking our 3 small kids on our first ever family trip to the beach in 2005.  To be clear, there's no beach in Kansas City, we were just passing through on our way to Corpus Christi, Texas.  Just thought I'd clarify in case you are as geographically challenged as I.  I  could go on and on because I’m sappy like that but for pretty much every Kenny song I could tell you a story. And I think that’s why I and so many others love him so much, because we relate.

*Towards the end of the show, an amazing thing happened....Billy joined Kenny on stage. My heart was already in a weakened state, between my rendezvous with Billy earlier and then the whole DNA sharing with Kenny, and I really thought the duet was going to be the death of me.  I mean for the love of all humanity..Kenny and BIlly sharing a stage?!?  The Security Guard was really watching me during this part and Kathy leaned over and told him, "if she's gonna pass out this would probably be it!"  You'll be relieved to know that I survived and lived to tell about it although the pictures are blurry because let's be honest, it was hard to focus.   I died a thousand deaths and still lived to blog about it.  Miraculous. 

*After the last encore was played and I put my layers of clothes back on they began cleaning off the stage we finally decided to leave and as we passed by our friend, the Security Guard, I thanked him for being so cool and doing a great job keeping our area crazy free. To which he responded, “And thank you for not passing out!” 

*On the way out....So this blonde (me) walks up to a bar (at the concert venue) and orders an empty souvenir cup.  The bartender looks at her strangely and asks her to repeat her request.  She does and tells him she doesn't want any alcohol just the cup.  He names a price and she agrees to it but as he's getting her the cup she realizes that just because she doesn't want Jack and Coke doesn't mean she can't have anything so she asks him to fill it with water.  He does and she takes her cup of water and walks off into the night to ive happily ever after with her souvenir cup.  Only later realizing that she could've just gotten a Diet Coke in her souvenir cup which would've made for a slightly less awkward conversation with the bartender.  This is not a joke although it kinda sounds like one, inspired by actual events.

*Pedometer reading=3 MILES.  Count ‘em 3 miles WITHOUT EVER MOVING MORE THAN 2 FEET!  If my daily workout plan involved singing along and dancing to live music every day for 3 miles I might actually stick to it.  This explains why I felt like I got hit by a truck on Friday.  Actually, that’s probably more attributed to us putting 3 miles on our bodies and not having anything to drink in the 4 hours we were there.  We didn’t want to get a drink because then we’d have to leave the concert later to use the bathroom so instead we got in 3 miles and a touch of dehydration.  Good thing I got a souvenir cup of water on my way out. 

It took every ounce of self restraint not to load up and drive to Omaha to see this same concert again on Saturday night.  But instead I'm just reliving it here with you and I'm still on a post concert high.  It was just amazing and every time I think about it I, as Uncle Kracker says, "smile". 

This was definitely one for the record books.   A night I'll never forget, because for those four hours, "i never wanted nothin' more."  

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Sibling Rivalry

Remember how I said I was going to tell you all about our Tennessee adventures today?  Well, I lied.  Instead, I need to tell you about a serious problem we are having at our house. 

It's a case of sibling rivalry, a BAD case.  But not between Dakota, Blade and Ryder.  No, the three of them are ganging up on...

their bovine brother...Holy.
Can you even believe that?  I mean, look at that faceI think they may have taken it the wrong way a few weeks ago when I announced at dinner that Holy Cow was probably my most prized possession.  Apparently, they were offended by that as they thought they were on that list and found my argument that I don't consider them to be "possessions"  unconvincing.  Anyway, since then they are constantly tattling and even namecalling my poor cow.  They call him Evil Cow instead of Holy Cow.  Jealous, I tell ya. 
Why just last night, the 3 human children were out in the barnyard playing with the animals when we went out to check on them and found Dakota on the roof of the chicken coop and the boys sitting on the fence.  When we asked them what they were doing they immediately started pointing fingers at poor, innocent Holy saying that he was charging at them and being mean to them.  Obviously, they are delusional because Holy walked right up to GI Joe and I and insisted that we scratch his neck and pet his head like we always do.  The kids then started in saying, "He's so evil, he's only being sweet because you guys are out here but the minute you leave he'll be chasing us and trying to kill us. Let's make him into hamburger!"  To which GI Joe responded, "Be nice to your bovine brother," while I covered Holy's ears and reassured him that he would not be gracing our plates, now or ever.  And then I washed their mouths out with soap because THE NERVE!!!
I think they are just traumatized by a goat and a ram that we had that we may have babied too much that turned mean and actually did try to cause bodily harm to us but Holy?  Holy would never.  Holy thinks he's a dog and what they think is "charging at them" is Holy trying to get their attention so they'll pet him or play with him.  Sad isn't it?  That instead of just giving him the attention he so craves from his human brothers and sister that they resort to troublemaking and blasphemy against him.  Where is the brotherly love?   
For farm kids, they sure are wussies.   
All I can say is don't make me choose kids, don't make me choose. 


Monday, March 21, 2011

Just Checkin' In

Surprise, surprise, surprise, a new blog post!
Sorry for my unexplained absence last week.  We were on our National LamKoons Spring Break trip to Tennessee. I am not good at keeping secrets from you, so did not want to blog for the whole interweb universe to see that we were away from home which in essence is inviting the crazies to go all Goldilocks at the Koons Zoo.  Security reasons, you understand. 
Tomorrow I shall regale you with tales from our trip wherein we had all manner of fun from shopping to star stalking gazing to cave exploring.  Never a dull moment. 
But tonight I'm recovering and drinking brandy because I brought home a chest cold as a souvenir from lovely Music City, so there's that.  I would like to point out that while I was equally miserable on Sunday and even stayed home from church because I felt so horrible I refrained from the use of medicinal brandy and toughed it out with Dayquil/NyQuil.  You know because it was Sunday and all. I mean really, missing church AND drinking medicinal brandy ON SUNDAY?   That would get me on the prayer chain and probably a prayer service dedicated solely to me.  But today's a new day and brandy is the medicine of choice. 
So basically, I'm drunk blogging....again.   My apologies.
Here are just a few tidbits I feel like I need to share:
1)  Bath and Body Works is coming out with a new scent called "Country Chic."  You guys, I feel like it was made for me.  I got a preview sample of it and not only does it's name sum me up but it has the smells I dig and wear frequently....fresh, clean, girly.  I can't believe I'm not getting any royalties from this.  Check it out and think of me.  :) 
2)  Coldstone Creamery has a new ice cream flavor, something Oreo Cream.  It tastes like the best part of an Oreo, the MIDDLE, obviously, without the pesky distraction of the chocolate cookie.  Perfection.
3)  The boys both have loose teeth and they wanted GI Joe to pull them out using pliers.  But before they would let him make the extraction attempt, they both said, "But wait, I have to hold Mommy's hand while you do it" and then came running over to sit by me and squeeze my hand.  Adorable.  I love having boys. 
4)  I just finished reading Paula Deen's autobiography and it was pure awesomeness.  I didn't think I could love her anymore but after reading this I do, I really do.  She's so real and down to earth and she writes just like she talks so there is no shortage of ya'lls and fixin' and other such Southern gems.  Between reading that book and spending a week in Tennesse,  the voice in my head now consistently talks with a southern drawl.  After Paula, I moved on to another autobiography, Decision Points by George W. Bush.  He's not quite the trip that Paula was but I'm finding this book surprisingly interesting and a fascinating read. I'd read a lot of great reviews for this book, even from Bush haters and curiousity got the best of me, even with my distaste for politics.  Also?  It makes me feel really smart reading such a book. I'm a regular Condoleezza Rice now.  This insight will definitely come in handy when I'm a First Lady and all.  Remember Don't Say No, Vote GI Joe! 
So with that, I'm gonna curl up with Ken and George W. and call it a night.  Wow, that doesn't make me sound of questionable character does it?  MIght be time to lay off the brandy. 
Good night ya'll!

Thursday, March 10, 2011


Meet my BFF since 1989..Heather aka Spike.
We became fast friends when my family moved to Burlington, IA the week before I started 6th grade...1989.  We moved because my dad was going to pastor the church that Heather and her family attended. If I remember right, Heather's dad MADE her call me so she could befriend the new pastor's daugher since we would be going to the same school.  I'm sure Heather was less than thrilled about this but she did it (thank goodness because I was really kinda bitter about having to leave the friends I'd known all my life and move to a place where I knew no one) and the rest is history.  We were inseparable from then on. Our names became pronounced together "HeatherandHolly" and everyone knew where one of us the other would be also.  Both of our parents basically took on an extra daughter.  It was awesome and I can only hope that my daughter will find her "Heather" someday.  So you can imagine what a tragic, heartbreaking, event it was when 5 years later my family moved from Burlington back to Des Moines, where we'd come from.  Neither Heather or I took that well, at all.  But we remained BFF's, talking on the phone, writing letters back and forth and visiting.  And we've somehow managed to do that ever since.  We've been in each other's weddings, had babies together (well not TOGETHER but you know what I mean), and been there for each other through some really rough times.  The great thing about Heather and I, is that no matter how much time passes between seeing each other, we pick up right where we left off.  Of course, now instead of which New Kid we love the most or which house we are going to egg, we talk about our husbands and our kids and other adult like stuff.  Ok, ok, we still talk about New Kids and egging too.
Anyway, because it had been an interminable amount of time since we'd gotten to hang out together, that's what happens when you live 3 1/2 hours apart, we declared a Saturday in February as HJHJ Date Day.  Ironically enough, our husband's name both start with J too.  Sidenote:  Heather and I have already set up an arranged marriage between my Ryder and her daughter Rylee.  They're both blonde haired, blue eyes, adorable, their names sound cute together and they're only 3 months apart in age.  They get along really well too so it's a match made in heaven.  I'm sure Rylee and Ryder will agree with us someday and who cares if they don't this is about Heather and I! 
So we both dumped off our kids and drove the 1.5 hours to the halfway point between our two cities, Iowa City.  We really didn't know what we were going to do for our date day/evening because we're not really clubbing, bar hopping kind of people and in a college town those are the standard forms of entertainment. 
So we did what any respectable couples would do, we went ICE SKATING!
I told you things got crazy!
Actually, before we got down (literally) on the ice we showed Heather and Jody (her husband) the ins and outs of eating at Buffalo Wild Wings.  These things take tutors and if there's one thing GI Joe and I know about it's Buffalo Wild Wings. 
At Buffalo Wild Wings we sat next to Ashlee Simpson.  I'm sure she was in town getting away from the stress of her recent divorce.  We know what it's like to be hounded by paparazzi and well meaning fans, you know since we're kind of a big deal and all, so we left her alone to enjoy her meal in peace with her friends.  You're welcome Ashlee or the Ashlee lookalike, whatever. We enjoyed great food and conversation but mostly enjoyed not once having to say, "Chew with your mouth closed," or "Quit poking your sister with your fork," or "for the love of pete, use your inside voice!"
After dinner things really got out of control when we headed for the ice rink, which happens to be in the mall, which happens to be perfectly viewable for everyone walking past it.  Listen, I'm all about being the center of attention EXCEPT when the attention involves laughing and pointing while I'm flailing on the ice.
We got our skates and off we went. 
The person working the skate window gave us all "figureskating" skates.  Turns out the sole purpose of figureskating skates is to cause the wearer excruciating pain and to wobble about on the ice praying not to fall.  After a few times around, ok so maybe for some of us it was more like ONE time around, we traded them in for "hockey" skates which are thicker and sturdier and make ice skating slightly easier.  Even with the figureskating skates on, we made an interesting discovery.  The discovery was that Heather's husband was a regular Scott Hamilton, gliding around the ice, skating backwards, and just being an all around SHOW OFF.  :)
We practiced some figure skating routines for the 20?? Winter Olympics..

Clearly, we're going for the gold here.
And then Heather and I determined that real Olympic athletes are only on the ice for about 10 minutes to perform their routine so then we did this...

While Jody and GI Joe practiced their Men's Double Figure Skating routine...

I assure you they were holding hands and gliding gracefully around the ice just moments before this photo was taken...or not.
After a 45 minute brief ice hiatus Heather and I did what any Michelle Kwan prodigies would do, we got back on the ice and showed them how it was done. 

But then this happened....

You can see the fear in my eyes

Oh the pain

And just like that my ice skating career was over.  I know how you feel Nancy. 

But unlike Nancy and Tonya, we're still friends. 

 And now that I am posting this blog and looking at these pictures, I realize that we did it completely backwards, which is basically how every plan we've ever come up with over the course of our friendship has gone.  Canoeing down a river in MIssouri?  We did it backwards and came in WAY behind everyone else.  Our plan to egg The Jerk's house?  Backfired and we wond up in the cop shop. Our ski trip?  One trip down the bunny hill=one trip to the ER.  Seriously.  Why would this be any different?!?
But we'll just consider this is the Nancy seeks revenge on Tonya reenactment. 

H2J2 Date Day/Night=an ICY success

Many more to come, we may even let the kids join us sometime, you know so Rylee and Ryder can start the wedding plans. 

Lylas Spike (and Jody)!

Friday, March 4, 2011

Kids Say the Darndest Things #1989839

Call off the Bad Mom Society, things are back to moonshine sunshine and rainbows again.  Here's some free parenting advice, closets really work for adjusting misaligned juvenile attitudes. I'm kidding, seriously put down the phone, no need to call CPS.  My patience seems to have made a slight comeback while at the same time the kids' level of crazy seems to have leveled off or perhaps they saw that their normally even tempered, calm Mommy was on the verge of  LOSING HER MIND.  Whatever it is, I'm just glad we all made it out unscathed, well besides the emotional scarring from their Mommy sticking her fingers in her ears and chanting, "I'm not listening, I'm not listening.." but they can work that out in therapy later on.
I think the turning point from Bad Mom to At Least Trying to Be a Good Mom was when on the way to church last night, Ryder, completely out of the blue, popped up with, "Mommy, I can't wait til you're a GRANDMA!"  Once I got the PMobile back on the road from nearly driving into a nearby ditch, I took a couple deep breaths into a paper bag, swallowed hard and said, "Ummm ok.  What makes you say that?  You haven't even graduated elementary school yet.  Seven might be a little young to be thinking about such things."
He very matter of factly told me, "But it will be so awesome when you're a grandma when either me or Blade have kids. I just can't wait."  (Not sure why he decided Dakota will not be having kids.)
"Well, umm, I CAN wait, I'm just fine being a mommy for now, we can wait a good 15 years or so to make me a grandma," said I between breaths into the paper bag.
"But when you're a grandma, I'll be a DAD!"
"Umm yeah that's true but again you're 7 and last time I asked you about Lucy in your class you told me she was cool since she was like a boy, so I don't think you're quite ready to be a dad or more  importantly for me to be a Grandma."
Not one to let anyone put a damper on his enthusiasm, he replied, "It will be awhile but I still can't wait cuz when you're a Grandma, YOU'LL BE OLD!!!"

And scene. 

I'm gonna take the glass half full approach on this and say that, 1) he can't wait because  THEN I'll be old, which in essence he is saying right now I'm YOUNG=win for me 2) he can't wait for me to be a Grandma because he know what a "cool" Grandma I'll be.  Yeah, yeah that's it.  Rack up another win for Granny.  And finally, 3) he still loves me enough even after my bad mom moments as of late to grant me grandmother visitation rights.  Phew, that's a relief.  

See, I've got nothing to worry about, right?!?  Right?!?   *Crickets* 

Love and Cookies,
Grandma Prairie Princess

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

It's Like This and Like That

I think my blogging mojo may have vacated my headspace. Last night I sat down to write a hilarious recap of my family’s Christmas in February or our Date Night adventures and couldn’t even figure out the first sentence. Me, at a loss for words?!?  What is that about? Who am I?

You know what else has left me?  PATIENCE.  I'm gonna be brutally honest right now and tell you that our precious offspring are DRIVING ME CRAZY.  It's like my patience got turned down to low and their crazy got turned up to high, so there's that.  In the first time in my my life as a working career mom, on Sunday night I was actually excited for Monday morning so I could go back to work and they could go back to school.  As I was typing this, one of them just came in to tattle on the other and I actually put my fingers in my ears and said "I'm not listening! I'm not listening!"  Huh, definitely not my proudest moment but that's up to the minute live reporting for ya.  Jesus, take the wheel and Calgon, take me away.  Amen. 

Sometimes when I get bloggers block, I have to resort to bullet blogging while waiting for my mojo to return. So here goes… Now if I could just find a work around for my missing patience. 

Ok, deep breath...I love my kids, I love my kids, I love my kids, I love my kids....

Moving on...

*Ryder and Blade had their last wrestling match of the season on Saturday, which is probably a good thing because I’m not sure I’m cut out to be a “mat mom”. It’s so stinkin’ intense. Ryder wrestled in a match that was neck and neck the entire time and then went into overtime where I actually thought to myself, “I cannot handle this, I may die of a stroke before this thing is over.” Wow. You’ll be happy to know I survived, mainly because he pulled out the victory and I could breathe again. But just as soon as my blood pressure had returned to normal, Blade wrestled in a match that he heartbreakingly lost in the very last second. The emotional rollercoasters of wrestling are not for the faint of heart or those with high blood pressure, heart problems, back problems or women who may be pregnant. Also? I wanted to walk around with a t-shirt that said “THERE’S NO CRYING IN WRESTLING” handing out bottled water* because oh.my.goodness., the crying, the temper tantrums, the storming off the mats, and that was just the parents. I tease…kind of…but seriously, I am so not okay with a 14 year old boy sobbing hysterically in the hallway because he lost a match, or with a 9 year old kid throwing down his headgear and storming off the mat refusing the shake his opponent’s hand after losing a match, or a crazed parent losing all bloodflow to their head because they are screaming so hysterically at their child on the mat. Umm hello? IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE FUN. And I can assure you that Dan Gable has not been seen scouting at any of these novice wrestling tournaments, I’m just sayin’. Stepping down off my soapbox now. P.S. Ryder placed 2nd and Blade placed 3rd so it’s not like I’m dissing the sport because my boys suck at it because they don’t, I’m simply pointing out some idiocracies (and idiots) of the sport.

*Did you know that it is physically impossible to cry while drinking water? I learned that in a Management training class years ago, they actually told us if you’re going to fire someone or deliver very bad news, offer them a drink of water. I totally use this on the boys when they are coming off the mat with misty eyes and lip quivering after losing a match, and it works!

But moments like this make up for the near strokes...

*Speaking of wrestling, which I’m sure you haven’t heard enough about yet, we watched the movie “Legendary” recently, which happens to be a “wrestling movie”. It also happens to be a great movie and I’m not just saying that because John Cena was in it, although let’s be honest that didn’t hurt anything. The acting was subpar and at times laughable but the overall story and message was inspiring and really good. Definitely recommended, especially if you have a wrestler in your family or have ever been involved in the sport. 

*Speaking of great movies, we also watched “Secretariat”, which I never pronounce correctly and Blade is constantly correcting me on. If you liked Seabiscuit, (and who didn’t like Seabiscuit?) see this movie. Our whole family loved it and Ryder declared it “the best movie we’ve seen in awhile.” I’ve since added the Kentucky Derby on my bucket list of things to do before I die, but I’ll need to get a backstage pass so I can pet the horses, obviously.

*Moose struck again. This time his victim was 4 boxes of Girl Scout cookies, Thin Mints, Tagalongs, Caramel Delites to be exact. Thanks Moose I didn’t need the caloric temptation anyway.

*I’ve never been a Dancing with the Stars fan, I’ve maybe watched one or two episodes ever. But that’s all about to change because my childhood crush, the object of my 5th grade dreams, Ralph Macchio will be competing in this season of the show. Karate Kid 2 was hands down my favorite movie of the 80’s thanks to Ralph aka Daniel Son. And now in preparation I must go search out Karate Kid 2 on Netflix and take a trip down memory lane. The irony of it is while I look completely different than I did during the Karate Kid 2 era (goodbye forever mall bangs), Ralph is seemingly unchanged and still boyishly handsome. Wax on, wax off must be the secret to everlasting youth. 

*I recently experienced my first Craig’s List seller’s high and now am constantly walking around the house looking for what I’ll sell next. It may be the kids if they don't straighten up.  I decided Saturday night that I was tired of the boys’ bulky wooden bunk beds and wanted to get them something sleeker that would fit in better with their Iowa Hawkeyes themed boycave, so I haphazardly posted an ad and a picture on Craig’s List. By noon the next day the bunk beds and their toy box were sold and gone and I had the cold, hard cash in my hot little hand. It was so easy! Well, for me anyway maybe not so much for GI Joe who had to hurriedly take the beds apart and get them ready for pick up. Perhaps I should’ve planned ahead a little better because I only had an idea of the new beds I wanted to get for them, we hadn’t actually purchased them yet. We went to our favorite furniture store on Sunday afternoon and found exactly what I had in mind…score. Everyone was happy until the salesman told us they wouldn’t be in for 2 weeks. Oh oops. Sorry that you’ll be sleeping on mattresses on the floor boys, just consider it a taste of frat house living and enjoy it because if I have my way it will be your ONLY taste of frat house living.

*Anyone else had enough of Charlie "Should Lay off the Drugs" Sheen?  Yeah me too, and for that very reason I'm not going to discuss him, although rest assured I have opinions on him.  OK I lied, I have to say this.  The man is off his rocker, his TV show is and always has been horrible and there are more important things that should be taking up our media coverage.  Perhaps Dr. Drew has an opening on Celebrity Rehab.  Oh wait, then I'd have to see him there and I'm really okay if I never hear the name Charlie Sheen or see his dazed eyes ever again.  The end.  I feel better now and would you look at that I didn't even have to do a single ounce of cocaine...weird.

*Tonight we went to Dakota's school concert which in and of itself was just a delight.  And by delight, I mean 3/4 of our row was playing Angry Birds on their phones.  Listen, we're only human and there are only so many recorder solos a person should have to endure.  Don't worry Dakota was equally enthusiastic, alternating between yawning to glaring out into the audience to the occasional eyeroll in our direction. Anyway, at the concert we ran into "Bulldog".  Remember I've told you about her.  She's the mom of the girl in Blade's class who kept calling him last year and then copping an attitude with me when I wouldn't let him talk?  And Bulldog is also the one who appears to love GI Joe but purposely goes out of her way to offend me?   Oh and also the one who let a dead llama lay in her front yard for 3 months to traumatize all the kids on the bus every single morning and afternoon?  Yeah that one.   I affectionately named her Bulldog because of her tenacious attitude, her bulldog like manner and appearance and the fact that she raises bulldogs.  Well tonight, Bulldog was there in all of her demure glory wearing a shirt that said "Got Bulldogs?"  I'm not even making this up.  The woman scares me or I would've taken a picture for proof but the irony was not lost on me. 

Man, I just reread this post and I'm just a regular ray of sunshine aren't I?   It happens.  And with that I think I'll conclude this uplifting, ever inspiring post and go curl up with my boyfriend Ken  and eat some Girl Scout cookies...oh wait....thanks again Moose.