Tuesday, March 1, 2011

It's Like This and Like That

I think my blogging mojo may have vacated my headspace. Last night I sat down to write a hilarious recap of my family’s Christmas in February or our Date Night adventures and couldn’t even figure out the first sentence. Me, at a loss for words?!?  What is that about? Who am I?

You know what else has left me?  PATIENCE.  I'm gonna be brutally honest right now and tell you that our precious offspring are DRIVING ME CRAZY.  It's like my patience got turned down to low and their crazy got turned up to high, so there's that.  In the first time in my my life as a working career mom, on Sunday night I was actually excited for Monday morning so I could go back to work and they could go back to school.  As I was typing this, one of them just came in to tattle on the other and I actually put my fingers in my ears and said "I'm not listening! I'm not listening!"  Huh, definitely not my proudest moment but that's up to the minute live reporting for ya.  Jesus, take the wheel and Calgon, take me away.  Amen. 

Sometimes when I get bloggers block, I have to resort to bullet blogging while waiting for my mojo to return. So here goes… Now if I could just find a work around for my missing patience. 

Ok, deep breath...I love my kids, I love my kids, I love my kids, I love my kids....

Moving on...

*Ryder and Blade had their last wrestling match of the season on Saturday, which is probably a good thing because I’m not sure I’m cut out to be a “mat mom”. It’s so stinkin’ intense. Ryder wrestled in a match that was neck and neck the entire time and then went into overtime where I actually thought to myself, “I cannot handle this, I may die of a stroke before this thing is over.” Wow. You’ll be happy to know I survived, mainly because he pulled out the victory and I could breathe again. But just as soon as my blood pressure had returned to normal, Blade wrestled in a match that he heartbreakingly lost in the very last second. The emotional rollercoasters of wrestling are not for the faint of heart or those with high blood pressure, heart problems, back problems or women who may be pregnant. Also? I wanted to walk around with a t-shirt that said “THERE’S NO CRYING IN WRESTLING” handing out bottled water* because oh.my.goodness., the crying, the temper tantrums, the storming off the mats, and that was just the parents. I tease…kind of…but seriously, I am so not okay with a 14 year old boy sobbing hysterically in the hallway because he lost a match, or with a 9 year old kid throwing down his headgear and storming off the mat refusing the shake his opponent’s hand after losing a match, or a crazed parent losing all bloodflow to their head because they are screaming so hysterically at their child on the mat. Umm hello? IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE FUN. And I can assure you that Dan Gable has not been seen scouting at any of these novice wrestling tournaments, I’m just sayin’. Stepping down off my soapbox now. P.S. Ryder placed 2nd and Blade placed 3rd so it’s not like I’m dissing the sport because my boys suck at it because they don’t, I’m simply pointing out some idiocracies (and idiots) of the sport.

*Did you know that it is physically impossible to cry while drinking water? I learned that in a Management training class years ago, they actually told us if you’re going to fire someone or deliver very bad news, offer them a drink of water. I totally use this on the boys when they are coming off the mat with misty eyes and lip quivering after losing a match, and it works!

But moments like this make up for the near strokes...

*Speaking of wrestling, which I’m sure you haven’t heard enough about yet, we watched the movie “Legendary” recently, which happens to be a “wrestling movie”. It also happens to be a great movie and I’m not just saying that because John Cena was in it, although let’s be honest that didn’t hurt anything. The acting was subpar and at times laughable but the overall story and message was inspiring and really good. Definitely recommended, especially if you have a wrestler in your family or have ever been involved in the sport. 

*Speaking of great movies, we also watched “Secretariat”, which I never pronounce correctly and Blade is constantly correcting me on. If you liked Seabiscuit, (and who didn’t like Seabiscuit?) see this movie. Our whole family loved it and Ryder declared it “the best movie we’ve seen in awhile.” I’ve since added the Kentucky Derby on my bucket list of things to do before I die, but I’ll need to get a backstage pass so I can pet the horses, obviously.

*Moose struck again. This time his victim was 4 boxes of Girl Scout cookies, Thin Mints, Tagalongs, Caramel Delites to be exact. Thanks Moose I didn’t need the caloric temptation anyway.

*I’ve never been a Dancing with the Stars fan, I’ve maybe watched one or two episodes ever. But that’s all about to change because my childhood crush, the object of my 5th grade dreams, Ralph Macchio will be competing in this season of the show. Karate Kid 2 was hands down my favorite movie of the 80’s thanks to Ralph aka Daniel Son. And now in preparation I must go search out Karate Kid 2 on Netflix and take a trip down memory lane. The irony of it is while I look completely different than I did during the Karate Kid 2 era (goodbye forever mall bangs), Ralph is seemingly unchanged and still boyishly handsome. Wax on, wax off must be the secret to everlasting youth. 

*I recently experienced my first Craig’s List seller’s high and now am constantly walking around the house looking for what I’ll sell next. It may be the kids if they don't straighten up.  I decided Saturday night that I was tired of the boys’ bulky wooden bunk beds and wanted to get them something sleeker that would fit in better with their Iowa Hawkeyes themed boycave, so I haphazardly posted an ad and a picture on Craig’s List. By noon the next day the bunk beds and their toy box were sold and gone and I had the cold, hard cash in my hot little hand. It was so easy! Well, for me anyway maybe not so much for GI Joe who had to hurriedly take the beds apart and get them ready for pick up. Perhaps I should’ve planned ahead a little better because I only had an idea of the new beds I wanted to get for them, we hadn’t actually purchased them yet. We went to our favorite furniture store on Sunday afternoon and found exactly what I had in mind…score. Everyone was happy until the salesman told us they wouldn’t be in for 2 weeks. Oh oops. Sorry that you’ll be sleeping on mattresses on the floor boys, just consider it a taste of frat house living and enjoy it because if I have my way it will be your ONLY taste of frat house living.

*Anyone else had enough of Charlie "Should Lay off the Drugs" Sheen?  Yeah me too, and for that very reason I'm not going to discuss him, although rest assured I have opinions on him.  OK I lied, I have to say this.  The man is off his rocker, his TV show is and always has been horrible and there are more important things that should be taking up our media coverage.  Perhaps Dr. Drew has an opening on Celebrity Rehab.  Oh wait, then I'd have to see him there and I'm really okay if I never hear the name Charlie Sheen or see his dazed eyes ever again.  The end.  I feel better now and would you look at that I didn't even have to do a single ounce of cocaine...weird.

*Tonight we went to Dakota's school concert which in and of itself was just a delight.  And by delight, I mean 3/4 of our row was playing Angry Birds on their phones.  Listen, we're only human and there are only so many recorder solos a person should have to endure.  Don't worry Dakota was equally enthusiastic, alternating between yawning to glaring out into the audience to the occasional eyeroll in our direction. Anyway, at the concert we ran into "Bulldog".  Remember I've told you about her.  She's the mom of the girl in Blade's class who kept calling him last year and then copping an attitude with me when I wouldn't let him talk?  And Bulldog is also the one who appears to love GI Joe but purposely goes out of her way to offend me?   Oh and also the one who let a dead llama lay in her front yard for 3 months to traumatize all the kids on the bus every single morning and afternoon?  Yeah that one.   I affectionately named her Bulldog because of her tenacious attitude, her bulldog like manner and appearance and the fact that she raises bulldogs.  Well tonight, Bulldog was there in all of her demure glory wearing a shirt that said "Got Bulldogs?"  I'm not even making this up.  The woman scares me or I would've taken a picture for proof but the irony was not lost on me. 

Man, I just reread this post and I'm just a regular ray of sunshine aren't I?   It happens.  And with that I think I'll conclude this uplifting, ever inspiring post and go curl up with my boyfriend Ken  and eat some Girl Scout cookies...oh wait....thanks again Moose. 

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