Trailer Tricks

Let me put your mind at ease right away, this post is not about low budget prostitutes. :)

It's about me taking yet another step in the direction of becoming a real, true, country girl.

This past weekend I pulled a giant trailer with my Princess Mobile all around the big city to help a friend move. I have to admit that GI Joe hooked it up for me, but then off he went leaving me to maneuver it the rest of the day. I have to say, I'm pretty darn proud of myself for a) not hitting anything or anybody b) parking with an extra 16 feet added to my total length and c)did I mention I didn't hit anything?

My friend Annette, took this picture of me from her Princess Mobile, and nearly caused me to ruin my perfect streak and get in an accident. I wasn't mad I understand the importance of a photo op.

When I finally arrived home I decided I was going to unhook the darn trailer by myself. I didn't need to wait around for GI Joe to do it for me. Besides, I wanted to go shopping and I would've never been able to find a good parking spot at the mall given my bulk. GI Joe was very busy turkey hunting. I'm going to deter from the original point of this post to tell you the reasons I despise turkey hunting season.

1) While it's not 10 days like deer season, it's a very intense 5 days in which GI Joe would leave the house by 4:00 in the morning and not return until dark. Something about having to be in his "blind" when the turkeys come out and then when they go to bed. I don't get it. Maybe he really had a girlfriend hiding out in woods...anyone know a Private Investigator willing to hike thru the wilderness? :)

2) Many turkey hunters may not know this but unlike venison, they actually sell turkeys in the grocery stores! Can you believe it?!? So my point is, why spend 5 days of your life making your wife a widow to shoot a turkey when you can just buy one for 69 cents a pound? GI Joe did not welcome my logic.

3) I have never been turkey hunting nor is it something I plan to do, but from what GI Joe tells me you set up a little camouflage tent aka blind way back in the woods (that you have to walk a long ways to get to...YUCK) and you sit in a little chair in your blind, usually while freezing, and make turkey noises. You can't listen to your ipod, talk on the phone, play solitaire on your laptop, NOTHING. You just sit there perfectly quiet and still EXCEPT for the turkey noises. You get up at ungodly early do this and then continue to do it for hours and hours and hours. BORING!!!! He says something about "feeling part of nature" and that when you see turkeys come out your adrenaline starts pumping. I liken this to a shoe sale at my favorite store. He says it's not the same. Whatever.

So I tell you all that to tell you that I was a widow over the weekend so if I wanted anything done I had to do it myself.

Meaning I unhooked the trailer ALL BY MYSELF. This is kind of a big deal. I admit I called GI Joe's father and asked him how to do it and he gave me instructions, which I then followed, and was surprisingly successful. It was kind of tricky and the only hands on help I had was the kids sitting in the back trying to offer their insight. BUT I DID IT! I felt like such a rock star.

So the next morning when I needed the horse trailer for the auction (which GI Joe had failed to bring up to the house for me due to his turkey hunting illness) I decided I didn't need him anyway I'd just figure out how to do it myself. Since I had managed to unhook the other trailer I figured it would be a cinch to hook up a different trailer. WRONG-O. Did I mention I was just a lil' bit grouchy about the whole ordeal? Ummm yeah I was. It was Sunday morning before church, GI Joe was gone hunting and had failed to bring up the trailer for me and now here I was trying, just me and the horse trailer, a battle of the wills.

An artist's rendition of the scene:

Doesn't look too hard right? Just had to get the arm of the trailer (I'm sure it has a name) attached to the ball of the hitch on my truck. Then attach the chain like thing that goes from the trailer to my bumper. Oh and the lights. Turns out the lights were the only easy part, because it was the ONLY thing the same as the trailer from the day before.

Here's the scene after about 15 minutes of me trying to get it on my own.

You may notice the horns. I get slightly irritated when I can't figure something out for myself. I get even slightly MORE irritated when my husband doesn't answer his phone so I can ask him because heaven forbid, he scare the turkeys. I get just plain irritated when he finally does call and wants to tell me about his hunting experience when all I really want to know is how to get the stupid trailer hooked up,that I shouldn't have to be doing because he should've done it the day before! Anyway, he gave me instructions which I responded to thru gritted teeth since they weren't working and the instructions were terrible, probably because he was distracted by being one with nature. I finally let him get back to his hunting and I got back to work, more determined than ever.

Finally, I thought I had it! I called GI Joe to ask him how you make sure the hitch from the trailer stays on the ball of the hitch for the truck. He didn't answer. I wasn't worried, I was singing "I'm a cowgirl, on a steel horse I ride" at the top of my lungs feeling pretty tough, invincible, independent, smart, and proud of myself.

Until........I started up the hill from the barn towards our house. Oh and did I mention it had been raining for like 3 days? It was a tad muddy. I heard a sickening noise which sounded like the trailer hitting the back of my truck. I tried to go forward but wouldn't you know it? I was stuck in the mud! Yay! Fabulous! Just what I was hoping for. I quit singing. Then I got out of the truck and saw this....

'Member how I had tried to call GI Joe to ask how you know if the hook up is secure? 'Member how he didn't answer? Well, this is another example of the evils of turkey hunting. When I got out to look, I discovered that it had come unhooked, all except for the chain attached to the underneath of my bumper. While the chain fought a good fight in keeping the truck and the trailer attached, in the end it just couldn't singlehandedly support the weight of the horse trailer going up a hill. You can imagine the happy, calm demeanor in which I answered the phone when GI Joe chose that very moment to call me back. It was not one of my finer moments I'll admit. I have a fairly long fuse but when it blows, it BLOWS. All I can say for myself is, that I'm glad it was Sunday and I was headed to church. :)

As you can imagine, not much was accomplished in my chat on the phone with GI Joe as I quietly told him what had happened. As much as I didn't want to do it, I gave up. I unhooked the trailer from the truck. threw some stuff, stomped around, got unstuck from the mud, stomped some more, and headed back towards the house...still fuming, I mean meditating.

About 30 minutes later, in walks GI Joe and out in the driveway is the horse trailer. And then I ate a pile of crow and took back all the not so nice I said and/or thought about him and his turkey hunting since our phone conversation.

As usual, GI Joe to the rescue.

After church, I happily drove off into the sunset towards the livestock auction pulling the horse trailer. Unfortunately, my perfect trailer pulling record was marred when pulling out of the Kum N Go gas station. I may or may not have "kissed' one of the red concrete bumpers with the trailer. Having learned my lesson about perseverance and never stopping thru my trailer experiences, I just kept driving. :) There was a little red paint missing on the bumper and in it's place a lovely shade of gray primer. I gotta tell you though. I think I did Kum N Go a favor, the all red look was a little much. The bumpers needed a little character, a little texture. You're welcome Kum N Go. The next auction is in a month, I'll be sure to stop by again with the horse trailer and "faux finish" some more of your bumpers.

The good news is....GI Joe got his turkey so turkey hunting paid off despite the marital disruption caused AND all the trailer drama paid off too as it was used to transported some great new additions to the Zoo home from the auction on Sunday night.

An auction recap is next.........