In the Words of Skid Row...7 and a Life to Go

DHS-Please come back tomorrow when I’m back to talking about Reese’s eggs and peacocks. Mmmkay....thanks.

Do you think 7 is too young to kick a child out of the house? Oh settle down, we didn’t really….for THAT long. :)

We have a lot of fun and do a lot of laughing in our house, and while our parenting style might be what some might call “unconventional”, it works for us. So far we've had no juvenile delinquencies, teenage pregnancies, drug problems, etc. Oh wait, that might be cuz they are still in elementary school. Not to brag but I think we’re pretty darn good parents. One thing that there is a zero tolerance policy for is disrespect. Blade has been pushing that boundary lately. He has had a bit of an attitude directed mostly at me, his wonderful, loving, mother. I know how could anyone have an attitude towards me right? It’s shocking really. Perhaps he associates me with the boy-crazy girls at school who chase him around and annoy him or maybe it’s just a phase or a precursor to puberty. Most of the time he’s the sweet, charming, funny little man that I wrote about here http://hillbillyhilarity.blogspot.com/2009/01/what-i-love-about-blade.html (which I’ve had to reread numerous times in the past few weeks to remind myself of his wonderfulness), but occasionally it’s like a punk kid alter ego takes over his body. We shall call this BAD alter ego Bucifer for the remainder of the story. Most of the time, GI Joe is not around when Bucifer rears his ugly head. I think even Bucifer is smarter than that. Nothing brings out the mean military sergeant persona in GI Joe faster than blatant disrespect.

The other night Bucifer, must’ve been feeling gutsy because he called me “psycho” right in front of GI Joe. No idea where he picked up the word psycho or what prompted him to say that about me but all in all it was a BAD MOVE. GI Joe applied the hand of correction to Blade’s (Bucifer's) seat of knowledge. But Bucifer instead of just taking his lumps and correcting his attitude stormed outside and muttered something under his breath, something like “Goodbye forever.” Wrong move #2. Be careful what you wish for. GI Joe followed him outside and instructed him to go back inside and put on his shoes and socks and to tell his brother and sister goodbye. While Bucifer was doing that GI Joe actually packed him a lunch for his runaway adventure. Every hobo has to have a peanut butter sandwich right? Bucifer didn’t really realize what was going on until GI Joe handed him his backpack complete with hobo happy meal, and very matter of factly, told him to go get in the truck. I think Bucifer then realized what was happening and started getting slightly concerned that this was for real. Part of me wanted to rescue him but then I came to my senses and decided I would stay home and let GI Joe handle this his way as it would probably be more effective. Besides, it gave me time to call my therapist about being "psycho." I would just like to clarify that Webster's definition of psycho is: mentally deranged showing abnormal or violent social behavior. Not at all me. One of the definitions of crazy on the other hand is: overly enthusiastic. That is TOTALLY me. (We won't talk about the other definitions of crazy as they are not applicable.) So take that Bucifer you've got it all wrong. I think I'm going to make you read the dictionary as punishment. I mean really, if you're going to call me names, you might as well use proper terminology.
Although I don't think there will be a next time. Apparently, as GI Joe drove him deeper and deeper into the countryside not really saying much, Bucifer cried harder and harder, apologizing profusely, saying he didn't want to move out that he would miss Mommy and Daddy and his animals. Then GI Joe launched into his sermonette about respect and loving each other, etc, etc. He also told Bucifer, "I've loved your Mommy long before you were ever born and you will NOT hurt her under any circumstances." (Awwww, isn't that sweet? My knight in shining Army.) They were gone for about 20 minutes, I started to think that maybe he really had found him a new home. I mean people do it all the time with cats. They drop them off in our ditch because they see other animals and figure they'll be cared for. Maybe GI Joe had found a house with a swingset and given him the boot! When they finally did come home, Blade (Bucifer was gone) came up to me, gave me the saddest puppy dog eyes you've ever seen, gave me a big hug, and said between sobs "I'm sorry Mommy I won't talk back to you anymore." And then I melted into a puddle of goo on the floor. How do they do that? Make you so mad one minute and then the next you are a mushy mess. Ryder did not share my sentiment and walked up to Blade and said "What are you doing back? I thought you were moving out!" in a very disappointed tone of voice. I think he had already starting packing Blade's part of the their room up. :)
Amazingly enough, Blade was a perfect angel the remainder of the night. When I tucked him into bed that night I asked him if he'd learned an important lesson. His big brown eyes got a little misty as he said "Yes, not to talk back to you and to always show respect." I, in my best Mom voice said, "Good, and what will happen if you do that again, even though I know you won't?" Blade with all the childlike honesty in the world said, "Daddy will make me move out."

Mission accomplished.