The Good News and Bad News

Bad News: Herky the Turkey was found dead on Tuesday. The suspect? A homicidal bull racoon who will soon be a turned into a coonskin cap for my hillbilly children to wear around. Good News: There is none on this one, we are devastated. Herky was one in a million and we miss him greatly. Actually, last week we discovered he was actually a SHE when we caught her laying on 6 turkey eggs. It felt like we'd been living a lie but we'd finally adjusted and now this. A memorial fund will be set up.


Good News: It's finally feeling like spring! We've had a couple of days now where it's peaked above 70 degrees! Bad News: Ryder, the Surfer Hillbilly, thinks shoes and shirts are not to be worn again until next winter. Already I've had to tell him, "Ryder, go get your shirt from outside and WHERE ARE YOUR SHOES?!?" I had to draw the line when he was putting on his swim trunks.


Bad News: I nearly flushed my career down the toilet today. Well, not exactly my career but my ID badge that gets me in the building and in all the departments. Good News (I guess): It was a "clean" toilet and I beat the clock and fished it out before the automatic flusher took it away. More Bad News: Touching it or using it makes me gag so I'm going to have to suck it up and admit to our Security staff what I did and beg for a new badge.


Good News: I discovered VIRGIN mojito mix at my Wal-Mart today. After our tour of the rum factory in Puerto Rico where they demonstrated the making of mojitos, I've been on a desperate quest for non alcoholic mojitos. Bad News: I spent an overabundance of time in the liquor aisle viewing the different non-alcoholic mixes that would please my fruity drink tastebuds, all the while hoping no one I knew would see me and accuse me of falling off the wagon. I doubt anyone would buy the whole "but it's a VIRGIN" line. Yeah uh huh heard that line before. Also, the sermon and outrage that my children unleashed upon me tonight when they saw the mojito mix bottle in the fridge was rather interesting and kinda made me wish it weren't a non alcoholic mix. Just kidding!


Bad News: Was the first car in line sitting at a stoplight and thought it a good time to check Facebook via my phone. Because I didn't want to be the girl texting/playing on her phone when the light changed, I kept looking up every few seconds. Apparently, my reflexes were a bit overreactive as I looked up and thought the light was green so I gave it some gas. Good News: I was not in a collision when halfway thru the intersection realized that the light had in fact, not turned green. And when I quickly put it in reverse to get out of the middle of the intersection did not back into anyone. I was however, serenaded by honking horns and screaming people. But really that's nothing out of the ordinary when I'm driving.


Good News: I still have a full head of hair. Bad News: It was a close call after shutting my hair in the car door last week. And instead of immediately opening the door to release my hair, I took a moment to freak out and scream, "My hair is caught, my hair is caught!" Then I opened the door. I'm nothing, if not a quick thinker.


Bad News: My breaks went out on the way home from Dakota's piano lessons tonight. Good News: I didn't need to stop anyway. Except for at one stop sign crossing a major highway at which point I told Dakota, "Hang on we're probably going to die!" Isn't the mother supposed to be the voice of calm and reason? Yep, that's what I do. Luckily, she's used to hearing those words when in the car with me so she it really didn't phase her.


Good News: I get to go to my favorite place on Sunday afternoon, the Livestock Auction, where I will be replenishing our chicken herd, finding a mate for Duck Duck Goose, and maybe a female llama to cure our male llamas of the Brokeback Syndrome. Bad News: GI Joe is not going with me which means that I will be unsupervised w/ the checkbook at a place where I can buy all kinds of animals (YAY!) but it also means I will be driving the truck w/ horse trailer by myself. I would suggest staying off of I-80 W and avoiding the town of Stuart on Sunday.


Gotta go my Mojito is calling me.