I know I promised a post about the livestock auction we attended last Sunday but I'm having some technical difficulties that are prohibiting me from uploading pictures needed. It will come eventually. Instead, I thought I would enlighten you with tales of the family at the circus we attended tonight. Not that our every day life isn't enough of a circus but it was just something to do on a Friday night. Actually, it was to relive GI Joe and I's first "good" date 13 years ago almost to the date. Yes, we went to the circus, the exact same circus we went to tonight, it was my idea, obviously. It's where we fell in love, doesn't everyone fall in love at the circus? Of course it wasn't nearly as romantic this time given that 3 kids were sitting between us stealing all the cotton candy.
First, I would like to show you what I want to be when I grow up. How do I apply?
I've successfully graduated a Great Dane from puppy kindergarten so I'm definitely qualified. Either that or this...
I've litter trained many cats in my years AND my favorite room at Graceland was the Jungle Room so I'm pretty sure that qualifies me for this job as well.
My favorite part of the circus was definitely the tigers and elephants. Unlike most of the crowd who were saying "ooh" and "aah" as the animals did their tricks, I was screeching "Oh how CUTE, I want to PET it!" and "Awwww, I WANT one!" Blade immediately told me that was a bad idea as the tiger would eat our chickens. Good point Blade, good point. Then Dakota pointed out that we couldn't have an elephant because they would likely trample all of our other animals and if not well trained would trample us. Why must they crush all of my hopes and dreams? I'm still going to suggest an Elephant Challenge once I complete the Cow Challenge, we'll see how that goes.
Here's what GI Joe wants to be when he grows up...
OK so maybe not, but I just wanted you to see the spandex pants. And why must they always be white? I kid you not, I didn't see a PG-13 rating on the circus tickets but there should've been. It was disturbing. The female trapeze artist wore a THONG and I'm not talking about sandals. Ryder turned to GI Joe and said "Why isn't she wearing any clothes?" I understand the need for aerodynamics but let's think of the children (and their parents). I think yoga pants would work just fine. Note to our government: Why don't you focus on something really important and outlaw spandex entirely? It's just unnecessary and I bet more deaths have been caused by spandex or the viewing of spandex than by this "flu" business.
And the highlight of the night for the rest of the family, the CannonLady.
Funny story about this. As the CannonLady climbed in the cannon the ringleader warned everyone there would be a loud noise and that small children should cover their ears. I was already feeling nauseous and nervous that the CannonLady was going to be blown to smithereens right in front our our very eyes so did not heed his warning. Wouldn't you know, when the she was shot out and there was a deafening gunshot sound, I was the only one in the entire arena to SCREAM? Not just a "ahhhh that's crazy" scream, but a "OMGOODNESS SHE'S GOING TO DIE, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" scream. Much like a scream typically reserved for Haunted Houses and snakes and stuff. Bet you didn't know that I have quite the set of pipes on me and the entire crowd heard me. GI Joe couldn't breathe he was laughing so hard. You'll be happy to know that CannonLady survived. Apparently, she's done that before. Next time I'm going to excuse myself to the concession stand when it's time for CannonLady, it's not good on my vocal chords.
It would've been the perfect evening except that GI Joe and I ruined it for our spoiled rotten, ungrateful, I mean angelic children by being the meanest parents EVER. Wanna know why? Because we refused to buy them each a light up sword for the low low price of $12.00 each. They weren't even Star Wars, geesh. To the circus marketers, have you no morals? I know you paid $1.44 each when you ordered them thru Oriental Trading. Give me a break. You would've thought we deprived our children of oxygen as dramatic as they were being about not getting one. One of them even used the line "But Mommy is getting a cow and all we want is a light sword." That did not make Mama happy, don't bring my cow into this. I felt 75 when I went into my "when Daddy and I were your age we never got to do this kind of stuff, you should be thankful you get to do all the things you do," and then just for good measure I threw in the "and when I was your age I walked 8 miles to school uphills both ways in a blizzard". Editor's Note: I only walked to school when it was across the street and even then if it was raining or cold my Mom would take me.
Next time GI Joe and I will just go by ourselves like we did 13 years ago, maybe that way I'll get to eat more than 3 bites of cotton candy, and maybe even get to sit by him!
Kids these days.
In a non-circus related note, for those of you tracking and rooting for me in the Cow Challenge, I just completed my 22nd day. Eight more days to go. I've got it in the bag. I even contacted the Iowa Jersey Cattle Club (who knew right?) today to find out about any available calves. I'm visualizing the win. Pretty sure I pulled a muscle in my upper back doing chores this week but it's totally worth it. Don't tell GI Joe but I kind of enjoy doing it. Shhhh...let's keep that between us, I don't want to let him off the hook completely.