Sunday, May 31, 2009

A Little Mud on the Tires (& Everywhere Else)

Once upon a time it was a gorgeous night in late May and the Prairie Princess hopped on the 4 wheeler w/ her two young sons to go visit their horses over in the neighbor's pasture. All was well and life was grand, as the warm breeze rippled thru their hair and the smell of spring and cow manure filled the air....ahhh. On this princess' prairie there is a creek or crick as some would say, in a valley that she must cross to reach the next pasture to go thru the gate to the neighbor's pasture. The creek is typically no bigger than a 6 inch wide trickle of water in the particular place she usually crosses. Having just crossed the creek in this spot days earlier she saw no trouble, it was a four wheel drive 4 wheeler so she wasn't frightened by a little mud. And after all she was an expert 4 wheeler operator...(or not). So she told her sons to hang on and she went for it. And that's when this lovely tale took a turn for the worse. She got no further than right smack in the middle of the crossing when the wheels just started spinning.....and sinking....and spinning. Uh oh this meant trouble. She looked down at the tires and this is what she saw.

Oops might've underestimated the depth a lil'.
Her boys ever so encouraging, were yelling "WE'RE STUCK! YOU'D BETTER GO GET DADDY CUZ THERE'S NOOOOOO WAY YOU'RE GETTING US OUT OF HERE. EWWWWW AND LOOK AT HOW DEEP THE MUD IS." The PP thanked her boys for pointing these things out to her as she had not realized that a) they were stuck and b) the mud was 6 inches deep. Phew....she was so glad she had them with her or she never would've known. After assessing the situation and making many failed attempts at getting "unstuck" and even at trying to figure out the wench system she decided she had to bite the bullet. That meant taking a long, uphill journey ON FOOT, covered in mud to notify her prince, GI Joe of her current dilemma. GI Joe was very busy shampooing the bedroom carpet so she hated to bother him, mainly because she wanted him to finish the carpet and also because she didn't want him to have more stories to tell their friends on Wing Nights. But she realized she had to do what she had to do.

Winded and tired she made it up to the house and broke the news to GI Joe...that his beloved 4 wheeler was stuck in some deep mud. He rolled his eyes, sighed a little, then threw on his rubber chore boots (that went so well with the SHORTS he was wearing..hubba hubba) and set out on the trek to once again get his princess out of a bind, laughing and teasing her all the way to the 4 wheeler. Upon viewing the scene, he hopped on the 4 wheeler and made his attempt at getting it out of the mud..with no luck. Finally, he used the wench (be nice we're not talking about the princess here, it's a mechanism that is attached to the front of the 4 wheeler that has a rope that comes out and you attach to a tree and then push a button and it uses the tree to pull you out or something like that.) The wench did it's magic and out of the mud he came.

See the white line in front of the 4 wheeler? That's the wench hooked to a tree. I'm here to educate and inform you. And see that hot thing on the four wheeler? That's GI Joe in boots and shorts. You should all be so lucky.

As is the norm around here, while GI Joe is busy doing important stuff I'm very busy w/ photo ops.

He then instructed the Prairie Princess to hop on so he could show her the proper location to cross. In a strange twist of irony, as he attempted to cross he also got stuck! He blamed it on the extra weight of the PP to which she didn't kindly respond but dismounted the 4 wheeler and wound up shin deep in mud. After spinning the tires for a few minutes and splattering mud EVERYWHERE GI Joe got it out w/out having to use the wench. The Prairie Princess took the hint and has not eaten since (if only). By this time GI Joe, Prairie Princess, and the sons were rather muddy but had crossed the creek and figured they might as well go check on the horses. All 4 loaded onto the four wheeler for a leisurely drive thru the pasture. As they climbed the hill their eyes beheld this beautiful sight. They were blissfully oblivious of all we'd been thru just to come see them.

After doing a little equine bonding the 4 of them once again loaded up on the 4 wheeler for the trip home. As they neared the creek GI Joe told them all to get off as he didn't want to chance getting stuck again. Miraculously, the sons made it up the hill and out of the mud with no problems. However, when the Prairie Princess attempted the climb she stepped in a mud hole and lost her shoe (which was actually one of GI Joe's sandals because they just happened to be by the door when she left earlier and were much more practical than the heels she had worn all day). The mud was like quick sand so there was a lot of suction and pressure and she could not get it out. Meanwhile, she was trying to keep from falling on her face and from dropping her camera and balance is not one of her strong suits. She received all kinds of support and encouragement from the Peanut Gallery, I mean her husband and sons as they laughed profusely at her. Eventually, GI Joe took the camera from her. That was a huge help because then she could use her hand to dig in the mud to get his shoe out. Obviously, she was thrilled to do this as she totally enjoys mud where gross things like snakes and bugs might exist. The only downfall of GI Joe taking the camera from the PP was that he took a most horrendous picture of her struggling in the mud, where she bears a striking resemblance to Wynonna Judd as the camera must've added 40 pounds,which you will NEVER see. Finally, she persevered and freed herself from the mud and they all made their way home to be sprayed off by the hose and use an entire bottle of SHOUT on their clothing.

What I want you, loyal blog readers, to take away from this story is today's sour economy there may not be room in the budget for an expensive mud wrap at the spa but don't despair. The Prairie Princess can take you on a 4 wheeler ride and see to it that you are covered from head to toe in all natural mud w/ maybe a little cow manure thrown in to soften your skin and reduce fine lines and wrinkles, no charge.

Satisfaction guaranteed.

Another satisfied customer. He's actually 67 he just looks 5 thanks to the miracle mud.

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