Trailer Tricks

Let me put your mind at ease right away, this post is not about low budget prostitutes. :)

It's about me taking yet another step in the direction of becoming a real, true, country girl.

This past weekend I pulled a giant trailer with my Princess Mobile all around the big city to help a friend move. I have to admit that GI Joe hooked it up for me, but then off he went leaving me to maneuver it the rest of the day. I have to say, I'm pretty darn proud of myself for a) not hitting anything or anybody b) parking with an extra 16 feet added to my total length and c)did I mention I didn't hit anything?

My friend Annette, took this picture of me from her Princess Mobile, and nearly caused me to ruin my perfect streak and get in an accident. I wasn't mad I understand the importance of a photo op.

When I finally arrived home I decided I was going to unhook the darn trailer by myself. I didn't need to wait around for GI Joe to do it for me. Besides, I wanted to go shopping and I would've never been able to find a good parking spot at the mall given my bulk. GI Joe was very busy turkey hunting. I'm going to deter from the original point of this post to tell you the reasons I despise turkey hunting season.

1) While it's not 10 days like deer season, it's a very intense 5 days in which GI Joe would leave the house by 4:00 in the morning and not return until dark. Something about having to be in his "blind" when the turkeys come out and then when they go to bed. I don't get it. Maybe he really had a girlfriend hiding out in woods...anyone know a Private Investigator willing to hike thru the wilderness? :)

2) Many turkey hunters may not know this but unlike venison, they actually sell turkeys in the grocery stores! Can you believe it?!? So my point is, why spend 5 days of your life making your wife a widow to shoot a turkey when you can just buy one for 69 cents a pound? GI Joe did not welcome my logic.

3) I have never been turkey hunting nor is it something I plan to do, but from what GI Joe tells me you set up a little camouflage tent aka blind way back in the woods (that you have to walk a long ways to get to...YUCK) and you sit in a little chair in your blind, usually while freezing, and make turkey noises. You can't listen to your ipod, talk on the phone, play solitaire on your laptop, NOTHING. You just sit there perfectly quiet and still EXCEPT for the turkey noises. You get up at ungodly early do this and then continue to do it for hours and hours and hours. BORING!!!! He says something about "feeling part of nature" and that when you see turkeys come out your adrenaline starts pumping. I liken this to a shoe sale at my favorite store. He says it's not the same. Whatever.

So I tell you all that to tell you that I was a widow over the weekend so if I wanted anything done I had to do it myself.

Meaning I unhooked the trailer ALL BY MYSELF. This is kind of a big deal. I admit I called GI Joe's father and asked him how to do it and he gave me instructions, which I then followed, and was surprisingly successful. It was kind of tricky and the only hands on help I had was the kids sitting in the back trying to offer their insight. BUT I DID IT! I felt like such a rock star.

So the next morning when I needed the horse trailer for the auction (which GI Joe had failed to bring up to the house for me due to his turkey hunting illness) I decided I didn't need him anyway I'd just figure out how to do it myself. Since I had managed to unhook the other trailer I figured it would be a cinch to hook up a different trailer. WRONG-O. Did I mention I was just a lil' bit grouchy about the whole ordeal? Ummm yeah I was. It was Sunday morning before church, GI Joe was gone hunting and had failed to bring up the trailer for me and now here I was trying, just me and the horse trailer, a battle of the wills.

An artist's rendition of the scene:

Doesn't look too hard right? Just had to get the arm of the trailer (I'm sure it has a name) attached to the ball of the hitch on my truck. Then attach the chain like thing that goes from the trailer to my bumper. Oh and the lights. Turns out the lights were the only easy part, because it was the ONLY thing the same as the trailer from the day before.

Here's the scene after about 15 minutes of me trying to get it on my own.

You may notice the horns. I get slightly irritated when I can't figure something out for myself. I get even slightly MORE irritated when my husband doesn't answer his phone so I can ask him because heaven forbid, he scare the turkeys. I get just plain irritated when he finally does call and wants to tell me about his hunting experience when all I really want to know is how to get the stupid trailer hooked up,that I shouldn't have to be doing because he should've done it the day before! Anyway, he gave me instructions which I responded to thru gritted teeth since they weren't working and the instructions were terrible, probably because he was distracted by being one with nature. I finally let him get back to his hunting and I got back to work, more determined than ever.

Finally, I thought I had it! I called GI Joe to ask him how you make sure the hitch from the trailer stays on the ball of the hitch for the truck. He didn't answer. I wasn't worried, I was singing "I'm a cowgirl, on a steel horse I ride" at the top of my lungs feeling pretty tough, invincible, independent, smart, and proud of myself.

Until........I started up the hill from the barn towards our house. Oh and did I mention it had been raining for like 3 days? It was a tad muddy. I heard a sickening noise which sounded like the trailer hitting the back of my truck. I tried to go forward but wouldn't you know it? I was stuck in the mud! Yay! Fabulous! Just what I was hoping for. I quit singing. Then I got out of the truck and saw this....

'Member how I had tried to call GI Joe to ask how you know if the hook up is secure? 'Member how he didn't answer? Well, this is another example of the evils of turkey hunting. When I got out to look, I discovered that it had come unhooked, all except for the chain attached to the underneath of my bumper. While the chain fought a good fight in keeping the truck and the trailer attached, in the end it just couldn't singlehandedly support the weight of the horse trailer going up a hill. You can imagine the happy, calm demeanor in which I answered the phone when GI Joe chose that very moment to call me back. It was not one of my finer moments I'll admit. I have a fairly long fuse but when it blows, it BLOWS. All I can say for myself is, that I'm glad it was Sunday and I was headed to church. :)

As you can imagine, not much was accomplished in my chat on the phone with GI Joe as I quietly told him what had happened. As much as I didn't want to do it, I gave up. I unhooked the trailer from the truck. threw some stuff, stomped around, got unstuck from the mud, stomped some more, and headed back towards the house...still fuming, I mean meditating.

About 30 minutes later, in walks GI Joe and out in the driveway is the horse trailer. And then I ate a pile of crow and took back all the not so nice I said and/or thought about him and his turkey hunting since our phone conversation.

As usual, GI Joe to the rescue.

After church, I happily drove off into the sunset towards the livestock auction pulling the horse trailer. Unfortunately, my perfect trailer pulling record was marred when pulling out of the Kum N Go gas station. I may or may not have "kissed' one of the red concrete bumpers with the trailer. Having learned my lesson about perseverance and never stopping thru my trailer experiences, I just kept driving. :) There was a little red paint missing on the bumper and in it's place a lovely shade of gray primer. I gotta tell you though. I think I did Kum N Go a favor, the all red look was a little much. The bumpers needed a little character, a little texture. You're welcome Kum N Go. The next auction is in a month, I'll be sure to stop by again with the horse trailer and "faux finish" some more of your bumpers.

The good news is....GI Joe got his turkey so turkey hunting paid off despite the marital disruption caused AND all the trailer drama paid off too as it was used to transported some great new additions to the Zoo home from the auction on Sunday night.

An auction recap is next.........

Workin' for a Living

Friday was Bring Your Child To Work Day and at work we host an event for 4 hours to show kids what we do and to give them a glimpse of working adult life. Being the brave, daring soul that I am signed all 3 of our kids up to attend.

It kind of messed with my routine a bit Friday morning when instead of being alone with my thoughts and my morning radio show DJ's (meaning I'm usually still trying to wake up) during my morning commute, I was prepping my children for the proper way to behave for the event. This was my career on the line, I had a reputation to uphold. Oh please, really I just didn't want them to embarrass me. :)

We arrived at work before the event started, because I had some things to do in my office. The kids got their badges (which they did not drop in the toilet like their mother) and thought they were pretty hot stuff. We went to my office where they proceeded to eat everything they could find in and around my desk, Blade attempted to take down my NKOTB pictures, and Ryder was throwing a souvenir baseball around. I had high blood pressure and it wasn't even 8 A.M. After I did what I needed to do and hung my NKOTB pictures back up, I decided a bathroom break was in order. We ran into a friend of mine in the hallway who had just hit the vending machines for his breakfast and Blade tried to steal his donuts. Sigh.... so much for behaving like perfect angels.

There were 18 kids there between the ages of 5-11 so you can imagine the chaos that ensued. Here are a few highlights from the event:

*There was one very young Democratic supporter who kept making references to Obama and how Obama rocks. I stood in the corner cringing just waiting for one of my children to launch into a full on political debate with them. Luckily, they were too busy throwing paper and spinning in the big fancy chairs to hear him.

*Each kid filled out a realistic job application and had an interview. I swear the people who interviewed my children haven't looked at me the same since. I have no idea what the kids said in their interviews but frankly, it scares me. The guy that interviewed Blade did tell me that Blade invited him to go on vacation with us because we were going to mine for gold so that we could turn it into cash for gold. Seriously....

*Speaking of cash for gold, while sitting in the big conference room with the other 18 kids, we asked the kids what they would do with time off. Blade piped up with, "I would steal all of my mom's jewelry and turn it into cash for gold." Ummm that's it, no more tv for him. I realize MC Hammer was rather memorable in the Cash for Gold Superbowl commercial but that was months ago!

*The event reiterated something I've known since I helped with my first school Halloween party.....that teachers are WAY underpaid AND I have no desire to be one. We should pay the pro athletes half of what they currently make and give the rest to the teachers as I think teachers take more of a beating every day then football players take in a entire season. Those of us who helped with the thing were EXHAUSTED and napping under our desks in the afternoon. I'm just saying, next time you go to your child's conferences give the teacher a hug, slip them a $20, a mojito, SOMETHING. They've earned it.

*As we were leaving work and gearing up to go back to school, the kids had their hands full of balloons, pinwheels, a mock credit card, mock checks, a craft, and even their "paycheck", Dakota looked at me and said, "We look like we were just at a party! No one will believe we actually worked." Sadly enough, we get that alot.

*Having said that, Dakota with all sincerity said, "I think I might want to work here while I'm going to college, it doesn't seem that hard." Nice.

God's Rockin'

Anytime it storms with thunder and lightning the kids explain it by saying things like, "God's just taking our picture" or "God's bowling", etc. You know, all the usual. But tonight as we were driving home from town and lightning bolts lit up the sky, they surprised me with a new one.

"Mommy, look at that God must really be rockin'!"

I, not really knowing what they were talking about, very wisely said, "Huh?"

To which they responded, "He just got Star Power!"

Ahhhh it all made sense then. In our house, we have a fondness for Wii Guitar Hero. Mostly because I love exposing my children to classic 80's and 90's rock at blaring volumes and singing along with my best Guns N Roses karaoke voice but also it's just plain fun. When playing Guitar Hero if you hit enough notes in a row, lightning strikes from the top of the screen and you are supposed to rock your guitar and you get extra points or something. I've got to hand it to the kids, because the lightning tonight DID look just like the Star Power lightning.

Rock on God, Rock On!

The Good News and Bad News

Bad News: Herky the Turkey was found dead on Tuesday. The suspect? A homicidal bull racoon who will soon be a turned into a coonskin cap for my hillbilly children to wear around. Good News: There is none on this one, we are devastated. Herky was one in a million and we miss him greatly. Actually, last week we discovered he was actually a SHE when we caught her laying on 6 turkey eggs. It felt like we'd been living a lie but we'd finally adjusted and now this. A memorial fund will be set up.


Good News: It's finally feeling like spring! We've had a couple of days now where it's peaked above 70 degrees! Bad News: Ryder, the Surfer Hillbilly, thinks shoes and shirts are not to be worn again until next winter. Already I've had to tell him, "Ryder, go get your shirt from outside and WHERE ARE YOUR SHOES?!?" I had to draw the line when he was putting on his swim trunks.


Bad News: I nearly flushed my career down the toilet today. Well, not exactly my career but my ID badge that gets me in the building and in all the departments. Good News (I guess): It was a "clean" toilet and I beat the clock and fished it out before the automatic flusher took it away. More Bad News: Touching it or using it makes me gag so I'm going to have to suck it up and admit to our Security staff what I did and beg for a new badge.


Good News: I discovered VIRGIN mojito mix at my Wal-Mart today. After our tour of the rum factory in Puerto Rico where they demonstrated the making of mojitos, I've been on a desperate quest for non alcoholic mojitos. Bad News: I spent an overabundance of time in the liquor aisle viewing the different non-alcoholic mixes that would please my fruity drink tastebuds, all the while hoping no one I knew would see me and accuse me of falling off the wagon. I doubt anyone would buy the whole "but it's a VIRGIN" line. Yeah uh huh heard that line before. Also, the sermon and outrage that my children unleashed upon me tonight when they saw the mojito mix bottle in the fridge was rather interesting and kinda made me wish it weren't a non alcoholic mix. Just kidding!


Bad News: Was the first car in line sitting at a stoplight and thought it a good time to check Facebook via my phone. Because I didn't want to be the girl texting/playing on her phone when the light changed, I kept looking up every few seconds. Apparently, my reflexes were a bit overreactive as I looked up and thought the light was green so I gave it some gas. Good News: I was not in a collision when halfway thru the intersection realized that the light had in fact, not turned green. And when I quickly put it in reverse to get out of the middle of the intersection did not back into anyone. I was however, serenaded by honking horns and screaming people. But really that's nothing out of the ordinary when I'm driving.


Good News: I still have a full head of hair. Bad News: It was a close call after shutting my hair in the car door last week. And instead of immediately opening the door to release my hair, I took a moment to freak out and scream, "My hair is caught, my hair is caught!" Then I opened the door. I'm nothing, if not a quick thinker.


Bad News: My breaks went out on the way home from Dakota's piano lessons tonight. Good News: I didn't need to stop anyway. Except for at one stop sign crossing a major highway at which point I told Dakota, "Hang on we're probably going to die!" Isn't the mother supposed to be the voice of calm and reason? Yep, that's what I do. Luckily, she's used to hearing those words when in the car with me so she it really didn't phase her.


Good News: I get to go to my favorite place on Sunday afternoon, the Livestock Auction, where I will be replenishing our chicken herd, finding a mate for Duck Duck Goose, and maybe a female llama to cure our male llamas of the Brokeback Syndrome. Bad News: GI Joe is not going with me which means that I will be unsupervised w/ the checkbook at a place where I can buy all kinds of animals (YAY!) but it also means I will be driving the truck w/ horse trailer by myself. I would suggest staying off of I-80 W and avoiding the town of Stuart on Sunday.


Gotta go my Mojito is calling me.

Cow Challenge

I have just completed Day 8 of the 30 day Cow Challenge. What IS the Cow Challenge you ask? The Cow Challenge is a simple challenge GI Joe issued me in response to my repeated request for a cow. A real live pet cow. You see I’ve wanted a cow long before I ever became the Prairie Princess, maybe even dating back to my “urban days”. It’s really all I’ve ever wanted in the way of livestock. GI Joe accuses me of crying “cow” so to speak as apparently I’ve used the “all I’ve ever wanted” line before ex: “All I’ve ever wanted is emus…All I’ve ever wanted is bunnies…All I’ve ever wanted is fainting goats” you get the idea. But REALLY all I’ve I’ve ever wanted was a pet cow. I was thrilled when we moved out to the boondocks and I discovered that the pasture behind our house was full of the neighbor’s cows and sometimes they would come right up to the fence in our backyard. Within the first month of my newfound country living, I was outside one morning in my silk PJ’s trying to pet a cow, bribing them to come closer with a piece of bread. Aren’t cows Wonder kids too? Unfortunately, my attempt was successful only in scattering the herd and making GI Joe laugh, not so much for petting the cows. I've tried many times since then to pet the cows that roam our pasture but they always seem to elude me, whatever anti-social cows, you'll be sorry when you're next to the baked potato on my plate.

GI Joe regales us with stories of his youth when they had cattle (not for pets of course) and he bottle raised a Jersey calf that became his loyal friend. His calf, Champ, would hear the bus pull up after school and would be waiting at the fence for GI Joe. In spite of the fond memories he has of raising cows (except for when he came home from school and Champ wasn't waiting for him as he had been taken to the market), he's been adamant about not getting a cow for the Koons Zoo. No matter how much I've begged and pleaded, the answer was always the same, "No, blah, blah, blah." He always gave me some completely illogical reason that I didn't buy. Really, I think he was just traumatized by the whole Champ experience and not willing to give his heart to another cow. But let's keep that between us as that wouldn't fare well for his tough guy image.

But my persistence has paid off once again, and I've finally cracked him. Kind of. A few weeks ago when I launched into my "Why I NEED a Cow/All I Want for My Birthday is a Cow" speech, his rebuttal was "That's one more animal for me to feed and take care, since you've been slacking a bit on the chores lately." Well excuse me, I've been very busy with things like blogging, NKOTB concerts, and eating Reese's eggs. Besides, he's been working from home quite a bit so he'd have them all done by our normal chore time, after I got home from work. He said "If you take care of the animals all by yourself for the next year you can get a cow." Obviously, a year is way too long for the Prairie Princess to wait for anything so I compromised and said "How about a week?" To which he responded "No way, a year." Finally, we met in the middle and agreed upon a month. Meaning, if I successfully complete the challenge (which I will), I will get a cow for my birthday. Happy Bovine Birthday to Me!!!

As I do whenever we add a new animal to the zoo, I investigate and learn everything I possibly can about the species. Usually, GI Joe already has a good handle on it from his farm boy upbringing but I like to be in the know as well.

Things you may not have known about our bovine friends but that I dug up in my extensive research in preparation for my victory in the Cow Challenge:

*A girl cow will not produce milk unless she’s been pregnant. P.S. Contrary to popular belief (mainly me in my formative Prairie Princess years) male dairy cows CANNOT be milked even though they are dairy cows, their role is mainly to help in "making" future dairy cows. It’s a tough job but someone’s got to do it I guess.

*Back in the olden (is that really a word?) days people soaked their feet in fresh cowpies to cure athlete’s foot, smeared it on their heads to inhibit baldness, and caked it on injuries to draw out infection. EWWWWWWWWWW…I would’ve never survived as a Little House on the Prairie Era Princess.

*Cows have four compartment stomachs that allow them to eat their food then hunker down, bring it back up as cud and rechew it for fun. I’m so glad us humans have things like blogs and the Wii to keep us entertained.

*A cow can be lead upstairs, but it is impossible to lead a cow downstairs, because a cow’s knees can’t bend properly to walk down. So much for the 3 story Cow Casa I wanted to have GI Joe build, oooh unless we put an elevator in it. Hmmm……

*A heifer is a)me after Easter and eating 16 bags of Reese's eggs or b)a female calf who has never been pregnant? Both answers are correct. However, I would not recommend calling me a Heifer to my face.

8 days down, 22 to go. Wish me luck! I'm already working on possible cow names. Here's the list so far.....Holy and Brown Chicken Brown. What can I say? It's a short list, I've been too busy doing chores and stuff. Other suggestions welcomed. But I gotta tell you those 2 will be hard to beat.

In closing, I'll leave you with a picture of my motivation, my inspiration, what keeps me going in rain, snow, and wind, in sickness and in health...

I'm in love........

In the Words of Skid Row...7 and a Life to Go

DHS-Please come back tomorrow when I’m back to talking about Reese’s eggs and peacocks. Mmmkay....thanks.

Do you think 7 is too young to kick a child out of the house? Oh settle down, we didn’t really….for THAT long. :)

We have a lot of fun and do a lot of laughing in our house, and while our parenting style might be what some might call “unconventional”, it works for us. So far we've had no juvenile delinquencies, teenage pregnancies, drug problems, etc. Oh wait, that might be cuz they are still in elementary school. Not to brag but I think we’re pretty darn good parents. One thing that there is a zero tolerance policy for is disrespect. Blade has been pushing that boundary lately. He has had a bit of an attitude directed mostly at me, his wonderful, loving, mother. I know how could anyone have an attitude towards me right? It’s shocking really. Perhaps he associates me with the boy-crazy girls at school who chase him around and annoy him or maybe it’s just a phase or a precursor to puberty. Most of the time he’s the sweet, charming, funny little man that I wrote about here http://hillbillyhilarity.blogspot.com/2009/01/what-i-love-about-blade.html (which I’ve had to reread numerous times in the past few weeks to remind myself of his wonderfulness), but occasionally it’s like a punk kid alter ego takes over his body. We shall call this BAD alter ego Bucifer for the remainder of the story. Most of the time, GI Joe is not around when Bucifer rears his ugly head. I think even Bucifer is smarter than that. Nothing brings out the mean military sergeant persona in GI Joe faster than blatant disrespect.

The other night Bucifer, must’ve been feeling gutsy because he called me “psycho” right in front of GI Joe. No idea where he picked up the word psycho or what prompted him to say that about me but all in all it was a BAD MOVE. GI Joe applied the hand of correction to Blade’s (Bucifer's) seat of knowledge. But Bucifer instead of just taking his lumps and correcting his attitude stormed outside and muttered something under his breath, something like “Goodbye forever.” Wrong move #2. Be careful what you wish for. GI Joe followed him outside and instructed him to go back inside and put on his shoes and socks and to tell his brother and sister goodbye. While Bucifer was doing that GI Joe actually packed him a lunch for his runaway adventure. Every hobo has to have a peanut butter sandwich right? Bucifer didn’t really realize what was going on until GI Joe handed him his backpack complete with hobo happy meal, and very matter of factly, told him to go get in the truck. I think Bucifer then realized what was happening and started getting slightly concerned that this was for real. Part of me wanted to rescue him but then I came to my senses and decided I would stay home and let GI Joe handle this his way as it would probably be more effective. Besides, it gave me time to call my therapist about being "psycho." I would just like to clarify that Webster's definition of psycho is: mentally deranged showing abnormal or violent social behavior. Not at all me. One of the definitions of crazy on the other hand is: overly enthusiastic. That is TOTALLY me. (We won't talk about the other definitions of crazy as they are not applicable.) So take that Bucifer you've got it all wrong. I think I'm going to make you read the dictionary as punishment. I mean really, if you're going to call me names, you might as well use proper terminology.
Although I don't think there will be a next time. Apparently, as GI Joe drove him deeper and deeper into the countryside not really saying much, Bucifer cried harder and harder, apologizing profusely, saying he didn't want to move out that he would miss Mommy and Daddy and his animals. Then GI Joe launched into his sermonette about respect and loving each other, etc, etc. He also told Bucifer, "I've loved your Mommy long before you were ever born and you will NOT hurt her under any circumstances." (Awwww, isn't that sweet? My knight in shining Army.) They were gone for about 20 minutes, I started to think that maybe he really had found him a new home. I mean people do it all the time with cats. They drop them off in our ditch because they see other animals and figure they'll be cared for. Maybe GI Joe had found a house with a swingset and given him the boot! When they finally did come home, Blade (Bucifer was gone) came up to me, gave me the saddest puppy dog eyes you've ever seen, gave me a big hug, and said between sobs "I'm sorry Mommy I won't talk back to you anymore." And then I melted into a puddle of goo on the floor. How do they do that? Make you so mad one minute and then the next you are a mushy mess. Ryder did not share my sentiment and walked up to Blade and said "What are you doing back? I thought you were moving out!" in a very disappointed tone of voice. I think he had already starting packing Blade's part of the their room up. :)
Amazingly enough, Blade was a perfect angel the remainder of the night. When I tucked him into bed that night I asked him if he'd learned an important lesson. His big brown eyes got a little misty as he said "Yes, not to talk back to you and to always show respect." I, in my best Mom voice said, "Good, and what will happen if you do that again, even though I know you won't?" Blade with all the childlike honesty in the world said, "Daddy will make me move out."

Mission accomplished.

Ambience

Here at the zoo we strive to create an atmosphere of elegance and class. That's why you won't see something like this proudly displayed anywhere but here....




I wanted Aladdin the Peacock, who bears a striking resemblance to the peacock on the sign to pose in front of it for the picture. But strangely enough he was too busy perched atop the neighbor's (aka in-law's) house. Like I said Class with a capital C, that's our middle name. The irony of this is, that since the sign has been posted the peacocks have been nowhere near the road. Go figure. Oh well, I still think it brightens up an otherwise boring, plain gravel road AND gives the snooty neighbors new subject material about us to discuss. It's kinda what we live to do.

Speaking of ambience, some people dim the lights or play a little soft music during dinner. No need for that here. We just sit at our table and look out the patio doors to behold this magnificent sight...





sitting on our deck, watching us eat, hoping we will take pity on him and throw out some cat food. He's obviously starved.

And there you have it, reason 837802 we can never live in a development with "rules".

P.S. I know many of you are anxious for the post regarding our 7 year old wannabe runaway, I promise it's coming. I just don't have the strength tonight. That and I need to put some filters on my blog to make sure DHS can't get to it before I post it. Oh yeah it's that good. Stay tuned.....

Reese's Retrospect

Easter is over and after searching far and wide in clearance aisles to no avail it’s time to say goodbye to my beloved Reese’s eggs, after I finish this last bag of course. I thought it best said in a poem.

Reese’s eggs how I love thee
Even though you’re making me hefty
Your yellow wrapper so bright
Such a beautiful sight
Your peanut butter so nutty
In your hands I am putty
Your chocolatey goodness on the outside
Makes me want to take a bag of you and hide
I want to keep you all to myself
And place you on the highest shelf
So that my children don’t steal from me
Leaving me empty handed and grouchy
The minis, the Whips, the Cups, they just won’t do
I will never love another like you
I’ll miss you til next year
When you return and add 10 pounds to my rear
Goodbye my sweet friend
Until we meet again

Tracks, Pumpkins, & Torture: Easter '09

Alright no more NKOTB talk, at least for awhile. I've had to go cold turkey. I've tried to go 2 WHOLE days now without listening to them or looking at the concert pictures. It's been hard, really hard. Now I know what cocaine addicts go through. I wish there were a NA group, not Narcotics Anonymous but NKOTB Anonymous. I would SO join. OK, so I lied about no more NKOTB talk. I meant starting NOW....

Did the Easter bunny leave a mess like this at anyone else's house?

Silly bunny, he left tracks all over our family room. We've also noticed that he comes in thru the fireplace. Weird huh? He does this every year.

Exhibit 47843 in the Children vs. GI Joe & Prairie Princess in the Bad Parents Case

As if making them run laps around the house for lying and sit on the couch holding hands for fighting, weren't enough to clench our victory in the Worst Parents of the Year contest, this is sure to do it. The kids have the same Easter baskets every year. However, we realized last night that Blade's was MIA. We could've a) run to town to purchase a replacement basket or b) IMPROVISE. Because we are lazy, bad parents we went with plan b. It was between this and a feed bucket, but we needed the bucket to feed the animals this morning. Priorities you know. So I showed Blade this beauty and explained the plan to him, that we would leave this out for the Easter bunny and he wouldn't even notice the difference. Blade wasn't entirely convinced that it was a good idea and insisted that we put a note on it explaining that, yes it was a pumpkin not a carrot but to please fill it anyway. As you can see the Easter bunny responded with a note of his own. In case you can't read it, Blade's note says "Dear Easter Bunny, This is not a carrot but a pumpkin. I could not find my Easter basket. Please fill anyway. Thanks. Blade" The Easter bunny's note says "Dear Blade, Looks like a carrot to me. Yum Yum. Hoppy Easter. E.B." Can I just tell you how long this made me giggle? Blade was in awe this morning when he found it. Although, I have to say between the chimney, the tracks, and the note I think the kids think may think the Easter Bunny is a bit of a crackhead. :)

The Easter Bunny or E.B. as we call him cuz we're tight like that, must've known that we were overridden with guilt for nearly ruining our son's Easter so he left us this.

How did he know I LOVE Reese's eggs? Maybe he heard me yelling at him out the front door last night? That's right I was yelling loudly out the front door at the Easter bunny telling him that "No, not all the kids were asleep yet, come back later, and please bring Mama some Reese's eggs." Seriously. I have no shame. It's a good thing we live in the country. Then I went into the boys' room and told them how I had just seen the Easter bunny but that he went on down the road to the neighbor's house since they weren't asleep yet. I then described in detail what he looked like. Taller than me, white, pink and blue bow, etc. (Kinda reminds me of the one at the mall!) Desperate times call for desperate measures but it did the trick. And wasn't it sweet of E.B. to tell us good job on raising nice kids on the note he left us? We thought so. I'm not above shameless plugs and for some reason they have more weight with the kids when coming from the Easter Bunny or Santa.

Exhibit 47844 in the Children vs. GI Joe & Prairie Princess in the Bad Parents Case

And lastly......the torture tradition. Every Easter we have a sunrise breakfast at church meaning we have to get there at least an hour earlier than usual. Which means it's a grand ol' time in our household on Easter morning. We have to get everyone up about an hour and half earlier than normal Sunday routine so that they can find their baskets or pumpkins in this case, and get dressed in their Easter best. Then before we head out the door when everyone is tired, grumpy, and hungry, I torture them with at least one picture. I have to get at least one before they spill anything on them. It's a smashing success every year as you can see.

2008

2009 (forgot the flash but a retake would've been pushing my luck)

I like to think we're just making memories. Can you imagine the stories they will tell their kids/grand kids and/or therapist? Now THAT'S the good stuff!

NKOTB Concert Recap: The Finale

Tears are falling on my keyboard as I type this because after this post it will be officially over. Time to rip off the band-aid, ok here goes…….

Step 23) Felt thirteen and carefree for approximately 2 hours and 30 minutes, the whole time hoping it would never end.

Step 24) Stood in awe at how these guys who are in their 30’s now, can still sing and move like that. How they remember all the words to the songs AND the dance moves is beyond me. I can’t even remember where I parked at the mall let alone the words and moves to 30 songs. Although, believe me I gave it my all during the concert!

Step 25) Felt my heart break a little the first time they left the stage even though I knew they were coming back out for an encore.

Step 26) Repeated Steps 16 & 17 when they left the stage and then returned for the encore. I think my heart is forever weakened.

Step 27) Felt like rushing the stage to give them all a hug because you could just feel how thankful they were for us crazy fans and the chance to get to be out doing this again. Trust me boys we are ETERNALLY grateful as well.

Step 28) Felt my heart break right in two when they left the stage for good. Considered risking a trip to the slammer to sneak backstage and scream "please don't go". I’m not kidding you, I thought Annette and I were both going to break down and cry. It was heart wrenching.

Step 29) Recovered quickly when we decided the night was young and made our way out to where the buses were parked. Remember how I mentioned the hoochie mamas lined up by the buses pre-show? Well, we became one of them, although I have to say we have a certain level of “class” that not all of them possessed. That and we don't use meth on a regular basis, unlike the lady next to us who kept telling everyone Donnie Wahlberg was her Baby Daddy and asked us to hold her purse while she jumped the fence. Shockingly, she had a very short attention span so she only lasted about 10 minutes. It's a good thing too, Annette & I looked way too pretty to have to put the smackdown on anyone, but she was heading that direction with her shameful talk about Annette's man.

Step 30) Got a spot right up against the fence approximately 10 feet from the front of the buses. SCORE!!!! Got in ready position, camera in one hand aimed at the doors coming out of the venue, other hand holding the sign against the fence.

Step 31) Stood in said position for AN HOUR AND FIFTEEN MINUTES in 25 degree weather in our cute concert outfits which did NOT include a parka, gloves, hats, or any other cold weather gear. Suffered severe hypothermia.

Step 32) As we stood in the cold, waiting for each of the boys to come out to their bus, we saw Jonathan inside the building making his way down the stairs. The women behind us were saying how they had heard he was gay. I told Annette quietly that I bet I could make him straight. Except that maybe it didn’t turn out so quietly as everyone else had apparently stopped talking and it came out as more of a yell. Oops. Thankfully, Jonathan was still in the building so I was not faced with a moral dilemma. Maybe next time.

Step 33) Danny, Joey, and Jonathan all came out and walked right in front of us to get to their buses. They waved but didn’t stop to mingle with the crowd. The Security guard that we befriended told us that Jordan had gotten on his bus immediately following the show, probably to sulk about me marrying someone else. We held out even though we had lost all feeling in our appendages until Donnie finally came out. Donnie is known for mingling with the fans and that’s exactly what he did. He made his way down the fence saying hi to all the fans and shaking their hands. I was digging thru my purse looking for a sharpie so we could have him autograph our sign but given that I had no feeling in my fingers all I came up with was lip liner. He came to us and shook our hands. Annette died again. I was unable to help her as my frostbitten fingers were full of camera, sign, purse. I think the divine smell of Donnie's cologne brought her back. Thanks Donnie and can we get the name of that cologne?

Step 34) As Donnie Wahlberg stood in front of us saying hi, smelling like heaven, I asked him if he had read our sign. He and his bodyguard took a moment to read it. While he did that I was trying to take his picture. He smiled, said something to the effect of how he loved the sign, and then he called us both baby or maybe he said "please come on the road with me, I'm a polygamist so we can all 3 live happily ever after". I wish I could remember his exact words, it was one of the two, but my brain was lacking oxygen. And then unbeknownst to me he gave Annette a high five and was standing there waiting to give me a high five. But I did not know this because I was too busy with a camera in front of my face trying to take his picture. And my camera was tired so the display wasn’t working. So I seriously left Donnie Wahlberg hanging. But he stuck with me and telepathically said "let's try it again" and waited for me to put my camera down. Then he gave me a high five and then I mummified my right hand and put it in a display case. I think the picture tells the story.

Step 35) Now it's trying to get back to life as usual. Not so easy when all we want to do is listen to/sing NKOTB songs much to the dismay of our families, tell everyone we see about our experience, check their website for upcoming tour dates, decorate our houses with posters from Tiger Beat of Donnie and Jordan, and plan our next NKOTB concert adventure. Oh yeah there will definitely be another. It's kind of like heroin, we just can't get enough. Not that I've ever done heroin but I've heard it's very addicting.

In closing I would like to thank the following:

-To GI Joe for being such an awesome husband who stayed home with the kids so I could go out gallavanting around acting like a 13 year old groupie. I know I made you proud. P.S. I really wouldn't have attempted to make Jonathan straight without your permission.

-To my friend Annette for being such a phenomenal NKOTB mentor. I hope you recover from your NKOTB induced bronchitis.

-To Dougie D for not getting mad at us for calling and waking you up at 12:15 in the morning to tell you about how we just met Donnie. Sorry you couldn't understand anything we were saying, we were high on life. Hopefully the blog fills in the blanks.

-To NKOTB, please stay the same. Because if you go away again I will probably die. Thanks for the best concert ever. Look for us again on your summer tour. We'll be the ones with the giant pink sign and lip gloss.

Love,

Your Favorite Girl

NKOTB Concert Recap: Step by Step Pt. 2

Back to the recap....

Step 13) After scoping out our seats, the Security for our section, and the dancing queen sitting across the aisle from us (seriously, the girl had moves!), we headed off to find a restroom and get a little something to eat to keep our strength up. We found the restrooms and what looked like was normally a Men's Restroom that had a sign on the outside that said Women's Restroom. Annette didn't notice the sign so she kept walking but I turned to go into the restroom, thinking that perhaps they had realized their audience would be mainly women and had converted the men's restroom into a women's for the evening. So I went ahead and walked in. Only to discover a wall of urinals and a couple of male backsides facing me!! Because I'm very discreet, I screamed, covered my eyes, and ran out. I don't think anyone noticed. We're pretty sure someone thought it would be a funny practical joke, and it would've been if I'd been the one to think of it.

Step 14) The lights went down, the crowd went wild and then some crazy dancers in masks came out. I called them the tribe but I believe their official name was Jabbawockeez, they were the opening act. Let me just say this, I WAS TERRIFIED. A little known fact about me is that I'm scared of people in masks, clowns, the guy from Scream, Jason, mimes, whatever, if their face is covered, I think they are a murderer. It's an issue I have. As if it weren't bad enough that there were 8 dancers on stage with these creepy white mime looking masks on but then they unveiled their set and it was a GIANT creepy mask. It's the stuff nightmares are made of.

The only redeeming quality they had is that they did an 80's dance music montage that included "Ice, Ice, Baby", "Baby Got Back", and "The Right Stuff". I peeked thru my fingers at them while they did that one. I figured they couldn't kill anyone while dancing to New Kids and Vanilla Ice right?

Step 15) When that was finally over, which wasn't soon enough, the lights went up and they began to prep the stage for NKOTB. To help pass the time we went and socialized with Twin Soul Amanda and Kim who had won tickets to the show. They went the opposite wardrobe route that we did and went all out 80's, crimped hair, leg warmers....AWESOME.

Step 16) Made it back to our seats and went into irregular cardiac rhythms every time the lights dimmed because we thought it was going to start. We had a moment of silence, did some deep breathing, photo documented the moment, and when the lights finally did go down, we LOST. OUR. MINDS. It was the longest intro song ever known to man and the anticipation of NKOTB appearing before us in the flesh on stage was almost more than we could handle. I don't think I took a breath from the time the lights went down til they rose from the top of the stage. It was a religious experience. Pretty sure God is a New Kids fan.

Step 17) Lost feeling in my eardrums from the deafening noise that the crowd made the ENTIRE time the New Kids performed. Of course, Annette and I, being the quiet, straight-laced, reserved type just clapped politely. Oh wait, that was the guy next to us who brought his girlfriend and who wore a look of bewilderment and terror the entire time. You bet Annette and I were right there with the other 4,000+ thirty something ladies reliving their youth. It was glorious and totally worth the cost of the hearing aids we are now being fitted for.

Step 18) Passed out when Jordan Knight (my NKOTB husband) sang “Baby, I Believe In You” to ME and ripped his shirt open, exposing his well muscled abs and chest. . After that song, although I’m not a smoker I had to have a cigarette. BABY did I ever BELIEVE HIM! Holy moly. (Note to my church friends and family: yes go ahead and start the prayer chain, this is just the beginning.) And yes, he sang it directly to me. It was fairly obvious with the eye contact and pointing he did, regardless of what the other women that were there think. To Jordan : I believe in you too. And yes, I will be the mother of your beautiful children, we just have to figure out how to tell GI Joe and not go to hell for it. Loving You Forever, The Prairie Princess

Step 19) While still slightly unstable from Jordan ’s declaration of love to me, Joey did a solo bit…and I died again. Joey never really had that effect on me back in junior high, probably because I only had eyes for Jordan . But Joey has grown up and CAN SING. When he dropped to his knees on the stage and was pouring his heart out in song, I leaned over to Annette and said “I think I love Joey too”,she agreed. Must be the eyes.

Step 20) Then Donnie, knowing his greatest admirer Annette was in the audience, sang her a little song called, “Cover Girl”. Then I used my defibulator skills to revive Annette and help her off the floor. That’s the kind of friends we are.

(L-r: Donnie, Joey, Jordan I think it's pretty easy to see that Donnie and Jordan only have eyes for Annette and I, I mean they are looking RIGHT AT US. And Joey, oh Joey...)

Step 21) Admired the skills of the crazy women dancing on their chairs around us. Especially those that were SOOO good that they fell right off of their chairs and onto the floor. Oh and by admired I mean laughed hysterically, don’t worry they weren’t hurt. Although it would’ve served them right if they had been since they were blocking our view.

Step 22) Enjoyed the fact that for once in our concert-going lives, the Security Guards were not reprimanding us. They were much too busy yelling at the drunken chair dancers and the wannabe paparazzi trying to sneak closer to the stage to take pictures. They didn’t say a word when towards the end of the show I whipped out the posterboard sign that we’d been keeping on the DL (down low). I am certain I saw Donnie reading it from the stage but he read it again later as well. We’ll get to that eventually……

That’s all for today folks. I’m pacing myself as I haven’t quite been feeling up to par since the concert. It’s a non-alcoholic NKOTB concert hangover, the medical term for it is NKOTB Nemosis. All I want to do is take some ibuprofen, turn on the NKOTB tunes, look at the 300+ pictures I took at the concert, and cry because it’s officially over. Someone please send help.
The final installment will be posted tomorrow. Hopefully, I’ll have regained my strength and will to live by then.

But let's be honest, didn't I blow your mind already?

NKOTB Concert Recap: Step by Step Pt. 1

Last night was just another typical Monday. OH EXCEPT FOR WHEN ANNETTE AND I WENT TO THE NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK CONCERT!!! HEEEEEEYYY!!!

I realize there are some NKOTB haters out there and that’s fine. Just not sure we can be friends anymore. Let me just try and explain how big of a deal this was for me. Rewind 19 years, I was 12 and I, like the rest of the world LOVED New Kids On The Block. My BFF Heather and I had the posters adorning our walls, listened to their TAPES non stop while doing our mall bangs, and on Friday nights would rehearse our NKOTB dance moves. We each had our favorite New Kid, mine was Jordan (be still my heart) and Heather’s was Danny. We would spend hours comparing the 2 and discussing our deep, undying love for them. Sadly, we never got to see them in concert. Our parents just weren’t cool like that (no offense parents). Now fast forward to fall of 2008 when not only did I learn that my friend Annette was like the biggest NKOTB fan ever, and being slightly older than me was able to attend numerous NKOTB concerts back in the day, but also that the New Kids were reunited, had a new cd coming out, and were coming back out on tour. I can’t even express the joy I felt at these developments. Annette and I went to Omaha in November to see them and it was a surreal and nearly holy experience. I never thought I’d ever get to see them, let alone 20 years later. It was an amazing night that served to rekindle and deepen my love for the New Kids. And here we are again, just a few months later able to see them in OUR town. I think our excitement surpassed last time because this time we knew what to expect…complete and total awesomeness. Imagine a Beatles fan getting to see the Beatles together again in concert after 20 years of thinking you’d never see them again. New Kids On the Block are the modern day Beatles, end of story.

Here is part one of the step by step recap of the concert, including events leading up to AND following the concert. It’s a page turner, I assure you.

Step 1-Agonized for days about what to wear. You know, because the New Kids were sure to notice us in a crowd of thousands and we needed to dress to impress. Do we go 80’s look or do we go current? That was the dilemma. We decided on current just in case they decided they needed us to go on the road with them, they would know we were living in the present.

Step 2: Subjected GI Joe and the kids the night before the concert to listening to the latest New Kids CD and rehearsed my fantastic dance moves for them. Caught Blade humming a New Kids song which he denies. I am all about exposing them to the arts.

Step 3-Lost sleep night before concert because I was so darn excited.

Step 4-Declared day of concert, NKOTB Day and wished all of our coworkers/friends/family a Happy NKOTB Day and then had to explain 600 times that NKOTB stands for New Kids On The Block and that it was concert day!!!! Then dealt with the odd looks they gave us. Unfortunately, not many shared our enthusiasm. Whatever.

Step 5: Left work early because, let’s be honest, productivity wasn’t exactly high on NKOTB Day.

Step 6: Set up emergency plan in the event we went to jail, confirmed who to call for bail, etc. Hey, we go BIG or we don't go!

Step 7: Agonized some more over wardrobe as we were getting ready for the concert.

Step 8: Made a giant fluorescent pink sign that had to be smuggled in, rolled up inside the front of my shirt. Yes, I looked a little boxy but we were confident they wouldn't ask me to remove my shirt to check for a sign. I already had a grand story about the health problems I had and the oxygen tank I had to wear attached to my chest. I didn't have to use it though. So glad we learned our lesson at the last NKOTB concert when our sign was confiscated. Not this time suckers!!! By the way, we were one of the few who had a sign since everyone else’s was taken by Security. Ha! Ha! Gotta be smarter than Security that’s the name of the game. P.S. Donnie of NKOTB READ it. More on that later.

Step 9: Arrived downtown at venue to do drive by and recon of tour buses approximately 2 hrs prior to showtime. Saw lots of hoochie mamas lined up outside the fence by the buses to catch a glimpse. We were much too smart for that, we knew that the New Kids were probably already inside the building in their dressing rooms and would not be meeting the fans til after the show.

Step 10: Drove around downtown for a while to find a place to eat but gave up after not being able to find a parking spot and just decided to go the venue. I don’t know that we would’ve been able to eat anyway,…nerves.

Step 11: Took a gamble and went to the Will Call window and asked if our seats on the floor, right hand side, row 25, seats 9 & 10 could be upgraded. Nearly passed out when they said that they just happened to have on the floor, Row 15, CENTER, Seats 1 & 2, and proceeded to upgrade us.

Step 12: Had to breathe into a paper bag to keep from hyperventilating when we found our newly upgraded seats and saw just how close they were to the stage. It was so close people, that it was really hard to get all 5 of the New Kids in the picture because we weren’t back far enough!!!! I could hardly use my zoom lens. A terrible problem to have, yeah right.

And the concert hasn’t even started yet. Tune in tomorrow for Part 2.

A Duck In My Truck & Other Adventures of the Prairie Princess

It's hard for me to blog right for a couple of reasons: 1) a guy at work told me he read my blog and then told me it was just "alright". Oh uh uh! I'm having to dig deep to keep on blogging as that hurt my heart deeply. 2) OK, I'm sooo over that now as I am so high on life. I may or may not have mentioned THAT I'M GOING TO SEE NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK TOMORROW NIGHT! It's hard for me to focus right now. I'm much too busy rehearsing my NKOTB dance moves, teasing my hair into 80's mall bangs, and calling my friend Annette to plan our course of action for meeting NKOTB. Check the blog on Tuesday or Wednesday, there are bound to be stories, unless of course we've been asked to go on the road with New Kids On The Block as their new road managers/wardrobe consultants. Cuz you know, we got the RIGHT STUFF!!!

Moving on to the other happenings in the life of the Prairie Princess...

*April Fool's Day + Church Night + Devious tendencies of GI Joe and myself = TONS OF FUN!!
I may have borrowed the yellow caution tape from work and printed up realistic Condemnation Notices. And we may have arrived to church 45 minutes early (first time ever) in order to place the caution tape in X's on the doors with the official, signed, condemnation notice in the middle on all of the doors. GI Joe then drove the truck up the road to hide it and jogged back. Then we hid and waited for our fellow church goers to arrive and freak out because of the condemnation notices on the building. Believe me when I tell you it looked very realistic. I took pictures but was too busy being covert that I didn't realize that my memory card was not in my camera. But it was....PRICELESS. Ahhh good times. Do you think there's a special place in heaven for the likes of GI Joe and I? You know for playing a practical joke at a sacred place on people that were coming to worship. Yes, I'm sure there is. I know, we'll be members of the Fun Committee!

*Attended a 30th birthday party for my twin soul, Amanda on Saturday night. A few highlights from the party that I can blog about.
When her very unique sister in law took it upon herself to begin rearranging the art work on the wall in her brother's house where the party was being held and the reaction of her brother's wife when she realized what was happening in HER OWN HOME. I thought my friend Bonita and I were both going to lose control of our bladders from laughing so hard.
When I brought home my party favor.....a duck in my truck. A real live duck. Not everyone got such an awesome party favor. Being the Prairie Princess has it's perks!

*After I departed from said party with the duck in my truck, I stopped for a minute to meet up with my NKOTB mentor Annette, my friend Cindy, and GI Joe's brofriends Doug and Jerry. Also in attendance was McDreamy who is also another of GI Joe's brofriends, but I don't want to say that right now, because he was there on his second date with a lovely girl named Cher* who we were meeting for the first time. I have to say that I only got to spend a few minutes talking with Cher but I like her already. She seemed to enjoy when Annette and I serenaded the group with NKOTB songs and didn't mind that we took 100 pictures. And she and McDreamy were OH so adorable. Sometimes we can be a SLIGHTLY loud and fun loving group and the boys were worried that we would scare her away but she held her own. I think she'll fit right in. Welcome to the jungle Cher! Not to put words in McDreamy's mouth but he'll be calling again soon. Oh and also you don't have to call him McDreamy if you don't want to but he'd probably like it if you did. (*Her name isn't really Cher but it might be a lil' soon to be naming her in the blog, but how cool would it be if her name really was Cher?)

(In case you were wondering where GI Joe was in all of this, he was on a date with his Brofriend John. Seriously. They dressed up in their hoodies and went to Ames to eat at Hickory Park and then saw Bill Engvall do a comedy show. John' s wife and I both called them at separate times during their date and were told the same thing, "This is our time". Ummm yeah and you thought I was exaggerating about the whole bromance thing. Not so much.)

*Watched Marley and Me again with the family on Friday night and lost 5 pounds in water weight from bawling. I think I'm going to make it my new diet plan.

*And now I'm off to watch the Academy of Country Music Awards to critique wardrobe choices, performances, see who has a homely wife, etc. It's what I do.

*Hey guess what? 22 HOURS TIL NKOTB!!!!! Until then keep HANGIN' TOUGH!!!!

It Started Way Back In 1st Grade...

I'm not sure I was cut out to be the mother of boys. Especially adorable, charming boys whom the girls seem to find irresistible.
When I picked Blade up from soccer practice tonight this little girl was following me around, making small talk and being extra helpful while I was trying to locate Blade's water bottle. It wasn't long before she moved in for the kill. I heard her whisper to her friend, "Should I tell her my secret?" Lucky for me her friend gave her the go ahead.
The following is the conversation between Trina* and myself.
Trina: I'm going to tell you a secret.
Me: OK.
Trina: I am IN LOVE with Blade.
Me; Oh really?
Trina: Yes I've loved him since preschool when I tried to kiss him.
Me; OH REALLY?!? And what does Blade think about this?
Trina: Well I had to chase him down to kiss him. But do you know that there are like 20 girls in our class and ALL of them are in love with Blade? (She's seriously swooning at this point.)
Me: Well, he is pretty awesome.
Trina: Yes he is and I love him. (I'm not kidding she is practically drooling at this point.)
Blade starts walking toward us with a look of dread like, "oh no what did that crazy girl just say to my mother who will probably blog about it to the whole world?" Trina giggles and runs off with her friend.

Here's the conversation that Blade and I had in the car on the way home.
Me: So you wouldn't believe what Trina was saying to me.
Blade: (huge sigh, slight growl) What?
Me; Oh you know, just that she loves you, has loved you since preschool when she tried to kiss you, and that all 20 girls in your class love you.
Blade: (eye roll, another sigh) I know. And she's lying about kissing me. But she must've been the one who left that stupid note on my desk today.
Me: What note?
Blade: A stupid note that said "I love you Blade" on it and had a heart on it.
Me: OH REALLY?!? So how do you feel about this Trina girl?
Blade: I don't like her, she's crazy.
Me: Why don't you like her?
Blade: Cuz she's the one who comes to school with messed up hair and I don't like her glasses and her cheeks are chubby like this (he demonstrates for me).
Me: Blade! That's not nice. I hope you don't say that to her. Someday she'll probably be a supermodel or something.
Blade: I doubt it. And I still won't like her.

I'm documenting this conversation here so that when he's a senior in high school and trying to get an extension on his curfew for his date with TRINA, I'll whip this out and remind him how he said he'd never like Trina. Between you and me, if he ever brings Trina home as a date I'll probably have to scare her off with my air pistol. She's a little too agressive for my liking and I don't really like her mom all that much either. And really that's all that matters right...whether or not I like her mom?

This is 1st grade people, we're in big trouble.

*Names have been changed to protect the not so innocent.