Thursday, June 4, 2009

How Do I, Oh How Do I Live?

You are invited to join me in a Prairie Princess Pity Party...starting now.

GI Joe is leaving tomorrow for 2 weeks to attend some GI Joe school. Also departing tomorrow is my sanity and my will to live (for 2 weeks). Forgive me for being a bit over dramatic, it's how I roll. And yes, I realize that there are thousands of wives whose GI Joe husbands have to leave them for months an sometimes years at a time to go to scary places,, but frankly this isn't about them. Sucks to be them for sure and they are totally my heroes, but let's focus on me here. After all it's my pity party There's a reason GI Joe does what he does and has so far not been deployed...and it has nothing to do with him. It's more to do with my ability to function, keep the children and animals alive, and the house standing. God's a smart guy he knows better. :)

Let's review the list of things that will inevitably take place in his absence:
*I will run out of gas and/or have a flat tire.
*One of the zoo animals will die or be injured.
*The inside cats and dogs might possibly starve to death since he's the only one that remembers to feed them.
*I will lose my wallet containing my checkbook and debit card and be forced to go to the bank. And it goes without saying that the bank drive thru is no place for the Princess Mobile.
*Either myself or one of the kids will become ill, knowing my luck probably all of us and it will probably be the puking kind of sick.
*A rabid possum will probably take over the back deck.
*I will get the four wheeler stuck.
*There will be a mouse in the house and a snake in the garden. I don't respond well to either of the above and will probably have to check us into a hotel.
*Speaking of the garden, it's a goner too.
*A major appliance will stop working. It can be the stove because I won't be cooking, just can't be the microwave because we need that to cook the Ramen noodles and Easy Mac that the kids are going to eat every night for supper.
*I'll either gain 20 pounds from drowning my sorrows in Reese's or lose 20 pounds from my refusal to cook/Ramen noodle diet. I'm hoping for the latter obviously.
*The yard will take on a jungle like appearance and the neighbors will think we're finally doing it, we're finally opening up a drive thru safari complete w/ a zebra, oh how I wish. I am completely capable of mowing the yard and enjoy it on occasion, however I have a tendency to run over metal objects that make the mower want to stop working. And without GI Joe here to fix it, I'm afraid it's a lost cause.

This is being optimistic, trust me. The way I look at it, if we can survive this 2 week stint w/ only a few of the above mentioned items happening then it will be a pleasant surprise. And if they all happen, then there will be an abundance of blog material and I won't be the least bit surprised. We won't talk about the fact that this is just part one, that there will be another 2 week training later this summer. I suggested online courses perhaps but apparently, it's like boot camp and you kinda have to be there. Darn military rules.

Ultimately, my goal is to NOT call the Red Cross this time. Wish me luck because they weren't all that helpful the last time he was away and I called them. And you think I'm kidding......

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