Wednesday, June 10, 2009

A Goat and a Girl

Meet Cocoa the Fainting Goat. Isn't he the cutest thing you've ever laid eyes on? He along w/ his mother and twin brother came to live w/ us when they were just 2 weeks old. It was our first attempt at goat ownership. We decided to go with fainting goats because if we were going to have an animal that was known for it's destructive nature, we were at least going to get something out of it in return. No, not meat or milk, you should really know us better than that by now, but entertainment. If you've never heard of a fainting goat or what exactly they do go here and check out this video. Guaranteed to make you giggle. Although I can't decide what's funnier, the goats or Leon the farmer. You be the judge.
Cocoa's mom Gloria, acted just like the goats in the video and would go stiff legged at the slightest startle, as did his brother Hillbilly. Cocoa not so much but he was soooo cute. As you can imagine these baby goats were held, loved, pet, hugged, played with just a little.
Cocoa was always the feisty one, can you tell?

But we loved him anyway. How can you not love a face like that?
Until Cocoa grew up into this......

Can you tell how dumb he is? Can you tell how bad he stinks from peeing on his own head? Can you tell that he's a horny goat and tries to mount everything in sight, pigs included? Can you tell how hard he will headbutt you with those horns? Can you? Huh? Huh?
Maybe treating baby goats like actual babies or even puppies is not the way to go. Especially if they're boys. We messed up because now Cocoa thinks he's actually one of us and tends to act like a 2 year old child if we don't pay enough attention to him or give him what he wants immediately. Which wouldn't be a problem if we could put him in timeout or make him run laps or something. But for some reason those punishments just aren't effective for him. Sadly, both his mother and brother, who were both so much better behaved and nicer than he, have passed away. The good die young. It's always our favorites that meet untimely deaths and it's always the ones that drive us nuts that live forever. Ughhh..
That leaves us stuck with Cocoa the fainting goat who only faints when fireworks are shot at him. Don't ask. The kids have on more than one occasion come to us with a proposal to either take Cocoa to the auction to be sold or better yet the locker to be butchered. OUCH! That's my tender-hearted, animal lovin' kids talking so you know it's bad.
Each time I refuse and tell them something along the lines of "we don't take you guys to the auction or locker when you're bad and we can't do it to Cocoa. He's our responsibility. Here's a baseball bat whack him with it, he'll leave you alone."
I have to admit it's tempting at times. When the kids and I go into his area of the barnyard, we have to be on guard because the second we turn our backs on him he'll come at us full force w/ that big, hard, dumb head of his. And it HURTS and leaves nasty, ugly bruises in precarious places on our bodies. Strangely enough, he straightens right up when GI Joe comes around. Might be because he's battled it out w/ GI Joe before and never came out a winner. Or maybe because he sees the 2x4 that GI Joe is hoisting over the fence that will be used as a weapon if needed. Don't tell PETA.
Since I'm an aspiring tough farm girl I've decided I need to figure out how to deal with Cocoa on my own. I always try to kill him with kindness by scratching that spot on his stinky head that he likes even though it results in my hand smelling like goat urine OR by talking nicely to him asking him how his day's been and such, but none of that ever works. Actually, I think it works too well because he gets mad when I stop and then he throws the tantrum that usually results in strange guttural goat noises coming from him, rearing up on 2 legs, and trying to headbutt me right in the legs or worse yet my womanhood. I've also tried drilling a hole thru his horn when he wouldn't leave me alone and I was working with power tools. I thought for sure that would teach him. Not so much.
But this, THIS works like a charm and gives me a great cardio workout in return.

Goat wrestler extraordinaire. And when I wrestle him into this position using my brute strength, I then say things to him like "How do you like me now?" or "Who's tough now SUCKER?!?" or "You don't wanna mess with the Prairie Princess PUNK!"
Then I realize that I can't stand like this forever so I let him go and I take off running like a scared little girl. screaming for my GI Joe, before he comes after me again.
P.S. Anyone want a goat?

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