Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Things That Scared Me at the Fair

Call me Little Bo Beep cuz I love sheep but THESE freak me out. 

They look like KKK members and obviously, having once been black ('92-'94) that terrifies me.  My sheep will NEVER wear these unless they are pink and bedazzled.

Don't panic, this calf is not dead.  It was just born..right in front of a huge audience of onlookers, most of which were city folk whom unaccustomed to animal births.  There were whispers of  "oh my goodness is it ok?",  "I don't think it looks very good",  and "why doesn't it get up?  It's gonna die right here in front of all these people and how traumatic will that be for the children!"  And by whispers I mean I was practically yelling this at GI Joe, who kept shaking his head and muttering something about I thought she said she was a farm girl now.  I'll tell you what was scarier than this...the placenta hanging out of the new mom's bottom.  Ewwwww......I spared you the picture of that one.  Trust me it was disturbing.

Letting our 3 oft times adventurous children ride by themselves on the Sky Glider in the car in front of us. This was not easy for me as I don't trust these things (the ride, not the kids) and also, they are really REALLY high up.  I just knew they were going to fall out and plummet to the concrete below while GI Joe and I enjoyed a romantic Sky Glider ride in the car behind them.  No, I'm not a drama queen, why do you ask?  Thankfully, everyone escaped the Sky Glider unharmed and whole.

*Warning:  Skip over this one if you have "snake issues"  I myself am closing my eyes while typing this one. 
This makes me shudder.  I hate snakes.  Which is why I sat out on a bench while the rest of my family went into the Snakes Alive exhibit, where they, get this, looked at and TOUCHED snakes.  I have refused to hold any of their hands or be touched by them since that fateful evening.  Have I ever told you why I hate snakes?  Well, besides being disgusting and creepy and OF THE DEVIL (Hello.... read the Bible), I was traumatized as a child by one.  A boy who shall remain nameless (Brad Black I'm talking to YOU), chased me around a field in Norwalk in 1987 holding a dead snake and while it's a little fuzzy as a result of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, I'm fairly certain he THREW IT ON ME.  OK, that's all I can't talk about it anymore.  But now you know why.  And I'm totally justified in freaking out at the sight of one at the zoo even though it's behind 3 inches of glass.  I'm still plotting my revenge Brad Black, I mean nameless boy. 

OK this doesn't actually scare me BUT what you DON'T see is what they are rocking out to, which is a band called Hairball.  Hairball is an 80's cover band that plays all the classic rock stuff.  They are awesome as long as they are sticking to some good, clean, wholesome Def Leppard, Bon Jovi and AC/DC.  Due to Guitar Hero our children know all of these songs and begged us to stay and watch this band so they could sing along and play a mean air guitar.  Bless Guitar Hero for exposing today's youth to rock n' roll as it was meant to be circa 1980's and early '90's.  All was fine and good until they covered KISS.  Fun fact about Prairie Princess...I hate anything in a mask or full facial makeup.  So you can imagine how I feel about the band KISS.  Not to mention this phobia of them goes way back to when I was a little girl and would hear my dad talking to the teens in the church about this popular band called KISS which stood for Knights in Satan's Service (you knew that right?) and how they should abstain from listening to such devil music because it will turn them into devil worshippers who sacrifice small children and such.   Didn't have to tell me twice, I couldn't even look at their album cover without having nightmares, let alone listen to them.  Also, Gene Simmons was a jerk on Celebrity Apprentice.  So when the guy came out on stage looking like Gene Simmons throwing fire everywhere I was hiding under a park bench while my kids thought it was the coolest thing ever and "Mommy, quit hiding under that park bench you gotta see this.  It's SO COOL!  And remember I got a 98% on this song in Guitar Hero?!"  Thank goodness we left before the Alice Cooper tribute was done complete with A GIANT REAL LIVE SNAKE. I probably wouldn't have survived that one. 

Of all the scary things I saw at the Iowa State Fair this year, I have to say that THIS one scared me the most. 

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