Sunday, August 29, 2010

Things My Dog Eats

Meet Moose.

Moose is pretty much the canine king of the house..obviously.  He has a very busy existence doing exactly what you see here with napping/snoring/passing toxic gas thrown in.  Pioneer Woman has Charlie, we have Moose.  Clearly, they share the same enthusiasm for life. 

Moose is a great dog.  We never have to worry about him making a mess in the house or having an accident or biting anyone.  It's just not in him.  Causing welts on someone's leg from his over excited tail?  Yes.  Viciously biting someone?  Never.  He spends his days holding down the couch looking out the window waiting for us to get home.  And when we walk thru the door he's there to greet us with his rope bone so we can throw it for him once, which he'll retrieve and then go take a nap.  Apparently, one throw wears a guy out. 

But Moose isn't perfect.  Moose has his quirks.  One of those quirks being that once in awhile he gets a wild hair, deserts his post on the couch and scours the kitchen for a snack.  Somedays that Iams dog food just doesn't hit the spot. Who could blame him?

Let's review items found in our kitchen that have succumbed to Moose's appetite:

Three fourths of a German Chocolate Cake, frosting and all.  I wasn't all that upset about this one as I'm not a fan of German Chocolate Cake.

An entire Philly Cheesesteak Pizza, a new recipe I tried.  Moose gave it 2 thumbs up.

A small container of Vaseline.  And it wasn't even cherry flavored.

A loaf of French Bread.

These items I can't blame him for getting into as they were left out within his reaching distance.  

However, these more recent items, he actually opened a cupboard door complete with baby lock (yes, I know my baby is 7  now but I've been too lazy to remove it) to get into:

A box of Poptarts, foil wrappers and all.

Half a can of CRISCO.  I repeat CRISCO.  We found only remnants of the can.  Seriously.  His poop just slid on out for days afterward. 

A Costco sized container of NesQuick chocolate powder, again plastic container and all.  The bonus to this one is that he had a nice coating of chocolate powder around his muzzle and smelled delightful!

A box of CheezIts.

A box of instant mashed potatoes.  He didn't seem to care for these as he left most of it after taking one bite.  Probably cuz he couldn't reach the gravy.

You may be wondering about Moose's digestive health.  After all, isn't chocolate poisonous to dogs?   Not Moose.  None of this has ever appeared to even phase him.  

It's hard to be mad at this face for long especially when he barely leaves a mess.  For example, when he ate the German Chocolate Cake.  He somehow got the pan onto the floor without breaking it, ate the cake out of the pan not even leaving a crumb, and then left the empty pan on the floor in front of the dishwasher.  The Crisco was a bit different.  He must've wanted to watch a little TV while enjoying his greasy snack so he took it into the living room.  He left barely any evidence except we noticed our hardwood floors were especially shiny in there.  They had a nice coat of Crisco on them.  Word of advice...want shiny floors?  Use Crisco on them.  Want to be able to WALK on shiny floors?  Maybe NOT use Crisco. 

Anyone else have a dog with a stomach of steel?  Tell me we're not the only ones. I think he needs a support group..Overeaters Anonymous perhaps?  But he says he won't go unless they serve donuts or Crisco. 

Gotta go tighten up the cupboard security, just went to the grocery store and Moose will  be home alone all day tomorrow...I smell trouble.  Or is that Crisco? 


  1. OMG...that sounds like our old yellow lab, Pooh Bear! One particular event stands out. When he was around 1 year old and about 2 months after we got married, I got home from running errands to find that I couldn't open the front door of the house because something was blocking it. I went around to the side door (that entered to the kitchen) only to discover that our entire pantry had been raided. Boxes of cake mix were torn open and partially consumed, paper towels were strewn about the floor and a plastic bag of noodles was crunched into pieces all over the place. The dog was nowhere to be seen of course, so I left the kitchen to find the dining room carpet was covered in blue ink from a pen and a container of chocolate frosting was opened (the lid was off and the foil PEELED BACK) and what was left was upside down on the carpet right in front of his favorite relaxing spot. Still no dog to be found, so I rounded the corner to the living room which is where I discovered the reason why the front door wouldn't open. A brand new 24-pack of toilet paper (that was in the pantry previously) had been opened and strewn about the entire living room and so much was piled up in front of the door, it had gotten stuck under the door when I tried to open it. I also found a half eaten bag of chocolate chip cookies (along with half the plastic wrapping), chewed up CDs and cards from our wedding that still needed replies, and the electric cord that was plugged in and attached to our massaging/heated recliner was chewed in half. SO....cake mix, chocolate frosting, chocolate chip cookies (with wrapper), blue ink, dry noodles...and the dog didn't even throw up. Needless to say, he didn't get left home alone again without dog-proofing!

  2. All I have to say about that is..WOW.
    And now I'm going to go hug Moose and thank him for showing some restraint. :)

  3. ok seriously Holly, i lose entire nights on your blog... you write some kickin funny stories girl!!! keep 'em coming!!!

    And I'd say Malcolm has similar appetite tendencies... I think his favorite was the entire bag of york peppermint patties, not a single wrapper left... Zipper on the other hand, well he has a hankering for soap.

  4. Chrissy! How I miss you! Glad I could contribute to unproductive evenings. Now if only someone else I know would update their blog a little more frequently..ahem..cough cough. :)
    First of all, what kind of name is Malcom for a dog? That cracks me up. At least with your dogs' indulgences it leaves them with clean, fresh breath. York Peppermint Patties I understand, I could probably eat a bag of them myself, but soap? Nice.

  5. We have tons of things to add to this list, but not nearly as tasty as the items you mentioned. One of ours has a penchant for crayons. Makes for a colorful back yard. Once my birth certificate went missing--right before an out of the country trip that had to be postponed (I didn't have a passport then).
    Entire loaves of bread, plates of brownies, burritos, anything and everything. No where is high enough to be out of reach for these beasts.
    --Sarah M.

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