As you may recall from here http://hillbillyhilarity.blogspot.com/2009/06/need-for-speed-other-happenings.html I have a lead foot that has attributed to a majority of my run ins with the law.
I was on that same stretch of highway tonight coming home from work, cruising along, jamming out to my new favorite CD, painting my nails, making my grocery list, texting, cross stitching, etc when I happened to notice a cop car coming towards me in the other lane. Reflex reaction was to look down at the speedometer. Uh oh, it sure didn't say 55 which is what the sign I went zooming past said it should be. Odd considering I am such a law abiding citizen who ALWAYS obeys the speed limit. Must've been something wrong with the Princess Mobile. I slowed down until the faulty speedometer read 54 (one under for good measure) and prayed that the nice sheriff I had just passed was too busy saving the world from real criminals. There were a lot of driveways along this section of road and I considered stopping in on an old friend, I mean someone I'd never meant but who's driveway would hide the Princess Mobile, until Mr. Sheriff went by. But I thought that would make me look guilty (even though it was obviously a flaw with my speedometer) and he'd probably find me OR be called to the scene of a trespasser by one of the owners of the driveways. I decided to take my chances and keep on cruising, under the speed limit of course. I kept looking in my rear view mirror but didn't see anything, not because he wasn't there but because the back window of the PMobile was so filthy and I was out of washer fluid back there, that I can't see anything out of it. I thought I was home free until I happened to glance in my side mirror and saw pretty lights. Blue and red lights to be exact. Houston, we have a problem. As he was getting out of his car, I quickly applied lip gloss, got my license out and found my insurance card, in that order. A deputy about my age, average height, medium build, shaved head, blue eyes, came to my window and very kindly told me I had been going 68 in a 55. I didn't argue with him even though we all know it's the PMobile's faulty speedometer's fault. I just said, "I'm so sorry Officer, I didn't realize I was going that fast." He smiled and then asked me for my license and registration. I handed him my license and insurance card because I'm a dork and don't take directions well. He looked at my insurance card which was valid 1/09 through 7/09, handed it back to me without saying a word about it being an old card and asked for the registration. I frantically started looking for the registration and could NOT find it. I had only looked for a few seconds when he said, "Oh you don't have to tear your car apart to find it. No big deal." Hmmmm weird I thought your registration was kind of a big deal? He went back to his car and I did important things like check my lip gloss, pouf my hair, spray perfume, etc. Hey a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. I was checking the little compartment on my door when I popped my head up and there he was right by my window. I may have jumped a little, oh and maybe shrieked a little too. (You'll understand why I'm so darn jumpy when I tell you about our Haunted Housing adventure.) He smiled, laughed, and said, "Well I'm going to save you $90 bucks today and not give you a ticket. I'm your hero right?" And that's when I knew that the lip gloss had saved the day and also that he was flirting with me. I thanked him profusely and poured on every ounce of my charm to assure him that he had not wasted a warning but not so much as to lead him on...too much. :) After some chit chat where he nearly asked me out on a date, he said "Just promise me you'll slow it down okay speed demon?" Of course, I emphatically agreed and then went driving off into the sunset....at a law abiding speed obviously.
If I've learned one thing from tonight's run in with the law it's this.........I can still work it when needed...as long as the kids aren't with me to throw me off my game.
I'm not good at math but I'm pretty sure $4.00 for Cotton Candy lip gloss is ALOT cheaper than a $90 ticket. Try it sometime. And if that doesn't work go with Plan B, which was tell him you were going to wet your pants. Apparently, that works as well as lip gloss, you just won't look as good.