Monday, August 31, 2009

State Fair Soliloquy

My New Year's resolution is to blog on a more frequent, regular basis. Lucky for me, I have a few months before New Year's. In my defense I have been very busy with things like winning awards, GUEST BLOGGING, and posting llama porn on the internet.

So anyway, this post is about 2 weeks overdue but it's not New Year's yet so it's totally fine. But here goes.

In our house, we have countdowns for the following events: Christmas, birthdays, and the IOWA STATE FAIR. We love it that much. For those of you from Iowa, you probably understand or at least know of others like us, and for those of you not from around here our state fair is the BEST. It's internationally known and on all kinds of lists such as "Places for Summer Fun in America" and many others. Please add attending it to your bucket list immediately, mmkay..thanks.

There are many things that we love about our State Fair. The food, the livestock, the music, the people watching, the food, just to name a few. We usually attend at least twice, sometimes more. It's addicting and only lasts a mere 10 days a year so we have to get our fix while we can. This year my sister Heidi, her husband, and my niece Savannah came up to go to the fair with us on the first Saturday. As a sidenote, Heidi is about 7 months pregnant.

Here are a few highlights from our experience at the fair this year.

*The man in the SHORT cutoff jean shorts, the shirt that said "I LOVE MULLETS" and who was actually sporting a full on mullet. I had to take a double take as I thought for a moment it was Billy Ray Cyrus, but then I realized it wasn't 1992 and Billy Ray didn't have the mullet anymore. Then there was the 400 pound mama in the midriff halter top. Just kinda makes you wonder whatever happened to looking in the mirror before you leave the house. Ahhh people watching at the just never know what you're gonna get.

This is basically what I saw, minus the Achy Breaky Heart.
*Shopping, I mean LOOKING in the livestock barns. Most people when walking through the livestock barns are just looking. Not me, I've got a notepad and pen, writing down names and numbers to be called post fair for possible additions to the zoo. It's pretty much a business meeting for me. Now if only I were making money from my collection of animals. Hmmm...

*The food, oh my the food. I'm sorry but corn dogs from a box in the freezer section of the grocery store just aren't the same as the corn dogs at the fair. The same goes for the turkey legs, fried pickles, cheese curds, cotton candy, and ok I'm going to stop now so i'll be able to survive the next year until the next fair. It's tough going cold turkey, pun intended.

*Cashing in our retirement funds to let the kids ride a few rides on the Midway. Let it be known that I don't trust carney rides AT ALL. I love amusement parks and rides (except for my ferris wheel phobia) but I just don't trust carney rides. Say what you will but as the kids each picked out the rides they were going to do I gave them the warning, "Well that one doesn't look too bad but you still might die on it. Are you REALLY sure you want to ride it?" They just rolled their eyes and dared to ride the ride and SURVIVED, thankfully. Not me, I watched anxiously on the sidelines. No way was I getting on one of those things. Not to mention we could've spent a week at Disney World for what it costs to ride a few rides at the fair. Rip off.

But the price of the monkey tails (bananas dipped in chocolate) totally worth it just for this picture. They came up with this pose all on their own.
*When my niece Savannah decided mid way thru the pedaled tractor race that she was bored and hopped off, leaving my very pregnant sister to push the tractor the rest of the way around the track. I could've left my comfortable post on the bench towards the end of the track and helped her, but instead I did what any loving sister would do...stayed right where I was, watching her and laughing hysterically. If only everyone could have a sister as awesome as me.
*The look on the peoples' faces at the booth selling lotions and other products made from emu oil, when the kids informed them that we had emus. I don't think they believed them at first because they just did that polite smile and nod, probably while thinking "yeah right, sure you do kids." Until GI Joe and I confirmed their story and then I added that they are strictly for petting, there will be no lotions made out of Elvis and Priscilla. Apparently, even amongst the Emu Association, emus aren't kept for pets. Weird. I did catch GI Joe picking up brochures and talking to the guy about getting into the "emu business" which involves selling any emu chicks we have to a "processing plant" in MO and how that works. Ummm excuse me what? That directly violates the Koons Zoo policy. There WILL be further discussion on this.
*The mini reunions. Since over a million people attend the fair each year, you're bound to see someone you know. Nothing beats running into someone you haven't seen in years while holding a fried food item in each hand. And then having the whole, "Oh thanks, you look great too. Yeah just trying to watch what we eat, we're really into eating healthy and working out." AHAHAHAHAHA....I can't even type that with a straight face. So you know those words have never come out of my mouth.

*Watching the city folks, watch the birth of pigs, cows, sheep, and goats in the Nursery Center. Having been a city girl once myself I understand the look of horror and shock as an arm is wedged into a cow to help deliver a calf but now that I'm a converted country girl, I'm completely fascinated with the whole farm animal birthing thing and can't wait to have more babies (of the animal species) on our farm. The funny part was as some of the city folk parents were covering their children's eyes to shield them from the gore of animal birth, our hillbilly children didn't even bat an eye. After all, they know how it all happened, someone showed that mama "who's boss."

*Lastly, when I came face to face with my destiny, my future, my dream.

THIS shall be a future addition to the Koons Zoo and shall be named Honky Tonk Zedonk a Donk. (I'd take the camel in the background too.) Don't you think we NEED one of these? Please comment and cast your vote. I have yet to convince GI Joe of it's necessity so maybe the petition format is the way to go. I need your support. Thank you.


  1. Holly needs a Honky Tonk Zedonk a Donk!!

  2. Holly absolutely needs a Honky Tonk Zedonk a Donk!!! You go girl! - Melissa S.

  3. I cant wait to pet the Honky Tonk Zekonk a Donk!!! vote is to get one!!