4 Years?!?

Can you believe that 4 years ago today, I started this crazy blog and wrote my first post?  4 YEARS?!?  I posted TWENTY entries that first month.  Ahh the good old days before we had color TV's and smartphones so I had lots of time to blog.  OK maybe it wasn't that long ago but still 4 years is a LONG time.  Alot has happened in those 4 years.  My kids have gotten 4 years older (as always I'm here to educate and inform), I've been married to GI Joe 12, 13, 14, and now 15 years, we've had deaths in the family (dislike) both people and animals and births (like)   While I haven't been near as regular about posting as I once was, I still love blogging. I just wish the darn laundry would do itself.  I especially going back in the archives and reading about things that happened at the Koons Zoo or something that the kids said that I would've otherwise forgotten. 
Here are a few of my favorite posts of all time which happen to be some of the same ones I'm kind of known for.  For example, my godmother Nita told me the other day that she'd referred her pastor to this blog to read the hilarious tale of the boys and balls (don't worry I'll post the link in a minute.  And yes, she has a very close relationship with her pastor and his wife, close enough to tell him to read a post about, umm, balls I guess.)  Then she told me that he'd already heard from someone else about the time I caught the backyard on fire. The whole thing cracked me up. 
So here are some of my favorite posts from the past 4 years that you can tell your pastor about or go read them if you haven't been here from the beginning.  They still make me laugh and I lived them.

The FIRST time I got on the Terrorist Alert list at Carhartt

And this one that at least every couple months comes up in conversation (RIP Herky)

A glimpse into our amazing and mature parenting

The first of MANY posts about Annette and I reliving our youth.  Here's more if you didn't get enough and really can you EVER get enough of New Kids on the Block?  The answer is No, NO you cannot. 

And this CLASSIC Prairie Princess story.  This is real life, people.

And so is this.  It's also how when the kids are grown, I'll look back and remember our many summer days and nights spent fishing.  HI-LARIOUS.

The time I really went THERE and told you about our gay llamas...in detail.  I think this one will go down in history and most likely be read at my funeral.  Seriously, I couldn't even make this stuff up. 

A heartwarming tale of GI Joe and a....drag queen? 

I'm definitely keeping this one on hand to blackmail my boys with down the road, say when they bring a date home.

Why I should never be allowed to use Photoshop....or go down a waterslide.

Proof that I have an unnatural attachment to my bovine son cow.

It never hurts to be prepared.  Vote for GI Joe!

Sometimes I hug random strangers in uniform.  What can I say I support our troops?

Like my Smom always tells GI Joe, there's not only a special place in heaven for him there's a throne RIGHT NEXT TO JESUS for putting up with me all these years.  :)  Oh and again.

Living life with a nudist. 

I have to be me.

What better way to end than with this one...

Balls.  That is all.  The post that will live on for infinity.

After reading back over 4 years worth of blog posts one thing is for certain, I'm kind of a crackhead.  Or at least one might think.  Thanks for reading anyway and NOT having me forcibly admitted to the psychiatric ward.  Although let's be honest, I'd probably fit right in.  And thanks to my family, friends, animals, and complete strangers for providing me plenty of blogging material.  Here's to 4 more years!  
 
Love Always,
Prairie Princess 


 

Food Friday!

After a long hiatus, Food Friday returns!  Just in time for New Year’s Resolutions!!!  My resolution this year is to trick myself into not setting any actual resolutions which will make me feel like a follower and like I’ve given into peer pressure (everyone else is doing it!) but all the while working on some personal goals I set for myself.   Did you get that?  I’m NOT making resolutions but actually I kind of am but calling it something different.  Welcome to my brain.  IE:  I want to learn to knit, just a scarf, not afghans or sweaters or anything complex, just a scarf.  My smom made each of us girls a scarf for Christmas and they are adorable and now I want one in every color but I feel like a putz saying, “Hey smom I really love this scarf now here’s my 3 page request list in all the other color combos I want them in” so I figure I need to learn to do it myself.  She said she’d teach me and that it’s not hard, we’ll see.  I mean, I have plenty of spare time, why not take up a new hobby?  Hahahaha, now THAT is funny.  I also am going to start a fairly regimented exercise and eating (I’m not saying the D word I’m just NOT) but that is not for resolution’s sake more for NECESSITY.  And as much as I love my old lady gym and my 3-4 times per week “workouts” there it’s just not cutting the mustard probably because it’s more about coffee tawlk with the ladies than it is breaking an actual sweat. It does keep me somewhat toned but now I just need to drop a few pounds and tone a thinner me.  34 is rough, people. Uggh.

Anyway, all this talk about eating right and e*er%ising (since it’s basically a bad word I’m editing it for filter purposes, this is a family friendly blog after all…well, mostly) has made me hungry for chocolate..obviously.  Isn’t that how it goes?  The minute you decide you cut back or eliminate something from your diet that’s when you crave it the most?  While I may not be eating this in the immediate future I did make it for my family on Christmas and it was so amazing, I actually dreamt about it that night and there were angels and bells involved, it was THAT good.  Or maybe that was from watching “It’s a Wonderful Life” while eating it.  Hard to say but no matter, you need this in your life.  Make this a reward for when you lose your first 5 pounds or knit your first scarf or whatever your non resolutions may be. 

BROWNIE. PUDDING. CAKE.

  

When GI Joe and I were on our cruise, the highlight of every evening’s dinner was the “Chocolate Melting Cake” served in individual ramekins with a little scoop of vanilla bean ice cream on the plate next to it. 

*

It was heavenly and the few times I thought I’d be adventurous and order something besides the Chocolate Melting Cake, I inevitably regretted my decision and wound up sending back whatever I had ordered and getting the Melting Chocolate Cake instead.  P.S.  That is one of the most awesome parts about a cruise.  They encourage you to try everything and if you don’t like something they are super accommodating and aren’t even offended when you ask them to bring you something else instead. Unlike at a restaurant where if you tell your waiter you don’t like what YOU ordered and want something else they will either a) tell you tough luck or b) take it back and bring you something new but you run the risk that your food now has been spit in.  You know it’s true.  When we returned from our cruise (L) besides the warm sunshine, aqua waters, and room steward named Pablo, this cake was what we missed the most.  I immediately consulted Pinterest and found a supposed copycat recipe for Carnival’s Melting Chocolate Cake.  I made it.  And it was just ok.  Boo, hiss, sob.  But then, THEN this post popped up on one of my favorite sweets blogs and I just knew that she of all people would do it right.  And she did.  And it was every bit as good as the cruise ship chocolate melting cake, maybe even, dareisay, BETTER?!?  Although there was no towel animal waiting for me in my room when I got done eating it at home so cruise ship still wins.  But this will do for when you’re landlocked.

Caution:  it’s RICH.  A glass of milk, water, and a scoop of vanilla ice cream are all must haves with this cake. 

It’s a vacation for your mouth.

Yeah I went there. 

So here’s the recipe:

Brownie Pudding Cake

From cookiesandcups.com

Serves 6-8

Ingredients

• 2 sticks butter, melted
• 1 cup light brown sugar, packed
• 1 cup granulated sugar
• 4 eggs
• 1 tsp vanilla
• 3/4 cup cocoa powder (I prefer Hershey's Special Dark)
• 1/2 cup flour
• 3/4 cup chocolate chips

How to Make

1. Preheat oven to 325°
2. Melt butter in microwave safe dish and set aside.
3. Spray a 2 qt baking dish with cooking spray.
4. In a large mixing bowl beat both sugars and eggs for 10 minutes on medium-high speed until mixture thickens.
5. Turn mixer to low. Add in vanilla and sift cocoa and flour into mixture, stirring until just combined.
6. With mixer still on low pour in melted butter.
7. Stir in chocolate chips.
8. Spread batter into prepared baking dish. Place baking dish into a larger dish and fill larger dish with hot water, coming halfway up the side of brownie dish.
9. Bake for 1 hour. Edges will appear set, but a toothpick will not come out clean.
10. Let cool about 20-30 minutes and serve with ice cream or whipped cream.  (Prairie Princess note:  Let’s be honest, you COULD wait the 20-30 minutes for it to set up a little bit but who has that kind of willpower?  Personally, we gave it about 5 minutes and then spooned it into bowls and dug in.  I can’t even describe the awesomeness.  But do whatever feels right to you.)

And you may wonder how it is the next day (IF there’s any left) and if you microwave it for a bit it returns to it’s original melty, gooey, glory.

Have a great weekend!  Make this cake, the resolutions can wait til Monday right?!? 

2012

For posterity’s sake I must post this..even though it’s now a week past Christmas.  It’s how I roll, what can I say?  I present to you the 2012 Koons Zoo Christmas letter recapping the highlights of our year.  You know, for those times I, ahem, forgot to blog about them?  Happy Reading and I hope your holidays have been wonderful. 

Yes, I put Holy Cow on our Christmas card and no, I didn't photoshop him smiling.  That's the real deal, folks.  This should not surprise you given that he thinks he's human.  :)  This just might be my favorite Koons Christmas card of all time. 

Dear Friends & Family,

                WHASSUP?  Oh sorry, I reverted to my 16 year old self there for a second.  34 and I still refuse to grow up, what can you do?  I’m challenging myself this year to keep the Koons Christmas Letter to one and only one page because I realize that you all have better things to do than spend an hour reading a silly letter about the Koons Klan (or do you? Hmmmm).  But I am a pastor’s daughter, and you KNOW how long winded they can be, so here goes nothing. Size 8 font?  I think yes.  J

                Looking back over 2012, I can’t help but think, “Wow, THAT was a good one!”  Uhh and now that I say that I can’t remember anything beyond July.  Oh that’s right, 2012, the year I lost my memory!  Please hold while I reflect on 2012 and by reflect I mean go check my blog www.hillbillyhilarity.blogspot.com and hope that I posted something since I haven’t been very diligent about posting this year, for a refresher.  Oh did I mention that this is NOT an ad free Christmas letter?  It isn’t.  OK, I remember now. 

We rang in 2012 in the mountains of Arkansas visiting Justin’s grandparents.  It was a great relaxing time of being together and not feeling quite as hillbillyish as we normally do because hello, have you been to Arkansas?  I’m just sayin’. January and February brought basketball games, both boys played and I am totally THAT mom, you know the one, especially since I actually know stuff about basketball.  It also brought Blade’s birthday (10?  Whaaaat?!?) , and some llama drama when our beloved llama passed away unexpectedly.  Read about it on the blog (,http://www.hillbillyhilarity.blogspot.com/2012/02/llama-drama.html)  it’s quite a story.  (ad #2) but we got a new llama shortly after who helped fill the void and who does not acknowledge one’s personal space so that’s super fun, just ask my dad.    Aaaand my Smom Evie just fell off her chair laughing recalling that visual.  Breathe, Evie, breathe.  J

In March, we took a little trip over Spring Break to Minneapolis to explore the indoor waterpark, Mall of America, and IKEA.  It was the trifecta of fun, waterpark, amusement park, and shopping. We also completed our , fine, MY first foray  into pig farming.  I can’t go into details because I like to remain oblivious.  All I know  is that one day Hormel the Hog was stopping traffic by getting out into the road AGAIN and happily lolling around the barnyard and the next she wasn’t there and soon after there was a plethora of bacon and ham in our freezer. You can fill in the blanks, but I prefer to think she’s living happily at some other farmer’s place and the bacon we’re enjoying came from a heartless, mean pig that no one ever liked and the farmer gave us in exchange for Hormel.  WORK WITH ME HERE, PEOPLE.  P.S.  The bacon?  It’s delicious.

April and May brought soccer season, some new additions to the Koons Zoo (2 emus, chickens, ducks, turkeys, and Ryan Gosling ….the goose not the Hey Girl Hearthrob unfortunately), my 34^th birthday (yikes!), Mother’s Day (not my fave but I got presents!),  the kids finishing up 3^rd, 4^th, and 6^th grades, Holy Cow’s second birthday (ice cream and steak for all!) and most importantly GI Joe’s long overdue and much deserved promotion ceremony to Sgt First Class.  I heart May. 

Then there was summer, oh my beloved summer that I miss so much especially since it’s like 25 degrees here today.  Summer was awesome.  We enjoyed naked days on the farm, wait that was just Ryder, fishing, pool time, playing with our animals, and working on the Great Treehouse Project that GI Joe is building for the kids.  It’s huge you guys, as in if you come to visit we’ll put you up in it for the night.  It’s not complete yet but it’s not too early to make your reservations!  The highlight of the summer was definitely our trip to Orlando/Disney World/Universal Studios in July.  It was SO. MUCH. FUN.  We stayed up too late every night; park hopped excessively, rode every ride at least once, and thoroughly enjoyed the happiest place on earth while our kids are still young enough to appreciate the magic.  And since I cannot be that close to the ocean and NOT go to the beach we even squeezed in a day of beach time and also a little visit with Hilary and family both on the way there and the way back.  It was a trip that we’ll all remember forever.  Time and money well spent.  August brought Ryder’s 9^th birthday (WAAAAA!), the State Fair, and back to school at an unreasonably early date.  We now have a 4^th grader, 5^th grader, and an honest to goodness junior higher in 7^th grade. She’s even in the youth group at church now! Help us all.  Sometimes when it occurs to me that we only have 2 years of elementary school left I go into sobs of denial and pity and where- did-the-time-go wails.  But then I look at the 2 page explanation of the latest 4^th grade “homework project” due and I’m suddenly ok with them progressing beyond the years of parental supervision and input required on every task.  For those of you with younger kids, I need to warn you upper elementary is NO JOKE.  I am quite certain that when I was in 4^th and 5^th grades I didn’t have near the assignments and projects that they do.  Which kind of explains a lot really and also explains why  I suddenly feel as if I’m having to repeat those grades. Maybe math will finally make sense!  Not. Ahh well, good times nonetheless.

Well, would you look at that, one page goal FAILED.  Oh well, you didn’t REALLY think I’d be able to do it did you?  Me neither.  Anyway, September and October brought football season for both boys (oh yeah I totally morph into THAT mom in football too, I’m sorry coaches, fellow parents, and opposing teams.  I realize I can be somewhat, umm, vocal.  Actually I’m really not sorry you should listen to me more.  Are you familiar with Mrs. Tuohy in the movie “The Blind Side”?  Draw your own conclusions).  Justin was able to help coach Blade’s team this year and they both really enjoyed that.  Ryder’s already called dibs on him helping with his team next year.  For some reason neither of them were clamoring for me to help coach their football teams…weird.  Dakota resumed piano lessons after a summer hiatus and of course she never stopped being artistic and carrying a sketch pad with her EVERYWHERE.  No sports for her but artistic and creative, yes.  We also celebrated Justin’s 35^th birthday.  THIRTY FIVE!  I don’t know when he got so old but he wears it well and still blends right in at those high schools he frequents as a recruiter, but maybe that’s just the camouflage.  We also threw a Halloween party of EPIC proportions for the kids and their friends.   It was the stuff legends are made of and I have a sneaking suspicion that we’ll be doing it every year from here til the year 2021.  It’s all part of our plan to secure the title of “the house everyone wants to be at” so that when they’re older our 3 kids and all of their friends will congregate at our house.  Because if they’re at our house we can be sure they aren’t doing dumb, possibly illegal, teenage things that they may later regret.  Not that any teenagers I know (or was) have ever done such things…AHEM.  October was followed by November (I’m here to educate and inform) and was filled with lots of awesomeness.  Dakota entered the official teenage realm when she turned 13 on 11/11/12 and I threw up a little because how can we have a teenager when a) she was just an adorable, cuddly 2 year old LAST WEEK and b) I’m still basically a 15 year old trapped in a 34 year old body myself.  Uggh, it’s mind boggling.  Another definitive highlight of the month was Justin and I’s 15 year anniversary and our celebration of said milestone.  That’s right, 180 MONTHS!  Whoa.  That definitely warranted a major celebration so we left on Black Friday (don’t worry I still got to shop for 11 hours) for a 5 day cruise to the Bahamas.  It was, at the risk of sounding cliché, AMAZING.  It was the most relaxing trip ever and the powdery white sands, aqua waters, and 80 degree sunshine didn’t hurt either.  Also, WE SWAM WITH DOLPHINS.  Life bucket list item #4 and #6…complete.  Here’s to many more…anniversaries AND tropical vacations!

And now we’re back (why can’t we live in the Bahamas and have a room steward to make towel animals for us every day?  Why real life, why?), it’s December, it’s cold, Christmas is almost here and I’m trying to wrap this up in a paragraph.  I hope your year has been just as great and if it wasn’t then hopefully 2013 will be.   I look around at this crazy fun life we’re living and know how lucky we are, even when it’s not always cupcakes and sprinkles.  But let’s be honest, most of the time it IS cupcakes and sprinkles (in my hair) and for those times that it’s not ,well, we just have to SUCK IT UP CUPCAKE.  ;)  Yes, that little side biz is still going strong, btw.  In closing, I leave you with this traditional Koons blessing for the new year……that I just made up..…Laugh til you snort, play hard, hug harder, eat cupcakes, and always keep your gas tank above half.  Hahahahaha, as if.  But seriously, we wish you the merriest of Christmases and the happiest New Year! 

No Blog November

Happy One Month Anniversary of the last time I blogged! I'm the worst, but let's celebrate by catching up. 

Here's what happened in November:

*I put the country in Country Club.  This will get a whole blog post of it's own.  It's a classic Prairie Princess story.

*We officially became parents of a TEENAGER when Dakota turned 13 on 11/11/12.  I'm still in denial.  I'm also jealous that she doesn't have the SUHweet, yet regrettable mall bangs that I had at that age. Kids these days, they look so much better than we, or at least I did, at their age. 

We celebrated with sushi, obviously.  So far her teenage years have been very uneventful.  She hasn't snuck out, stolen the car, gotten arrested for 3rd degree reckless throwing, etc, like *some* people I've heard of.  She's such a good, compliant kid, I think her teenage years are going to be a piece of cake, her brothers on the other hand........

*GI Joe and I celebrated our 15th anniversary on 11/15.  Here's our standard "on our anniversary" picture. 

We celebrated on that night by going out to dinner, where as we were finishing up an older couple stopped by our table, thanked GI Joe for his service and slipped him some cash.  GI Joe, always humbled by this, said "Thank you sir but you don't have to do that.  I love what I do."  But the man said it was the least he could do and insisted that GI Joe keep it.  After the couple left, GI Joe looked at the cash in his hand and as it turned out the guy had given him more than enough to cover our meal so we left our waiter a 75% tip.  Pay it forward right?  This was also the same day that the Hostess closure was announced so since we didn't have to pay for dinner, we felt justified in stopping at the grocery store on our way home and fillinga cart with Twinkies, Cupcakes, Ding Dongs, and all manner of Hostess goodness, oh and some brandy because I had a cold and needed my "medicine".  You should've seen the look on the cashier's face as he was ringing us up, "Looks like you are having SOME KIND OF PARTY!"  Yes, yes we were.  After all, 15 years is alot to celebrate!

*We shamed our dog Moose when he did this....

Someone had just sent me this website http://www.dogshaming.com/ earlier in the day.  And the FIRST thing I said after I got done laughing at the hilarity was "I AM SO DOING THIS THE NEXT TIME MOOSE GETS INTO SOMETHING."  I should've known I wouldn't have to wait long.  While we were at church that night he helped himself to a carton of eggs that was on the kitchen counter.  His shame confession says, " I knocked the carton of eggs off the counter so I could have a snack.  But LOOK I didn't break ALL of them!"  Thanks Moose for fulfilling your dog shaming destiny.  

*Attended Ryder's fall school concert and laughed hysterically when he came and got GI Joe out of the audience to do some weird song and dance with him and the rest of the 4th graders. Then I managed to snap one of the sweetest pictures ever of the two of them, that was completely unposed and in the moment, the weird song/dance moment.

*Had Thanksgiving at our house as per tradition.  This year GI Joe, inspired by a picture that was floating around Facebook, wrapped our turkey in bacon, like 1.5 POUNDS of bacon!  It was so SO good.  Well worth the high cholesterol meds we're now all on. 

*Also as per tradition, the Discount Divas went shopping on Gray Thursday/Black Friday.  The stores really threw a wrench in our usual strategy meeting/slumber planning party by opening at 8pm on Thanksgiving instead of early early early on Black Friday morning.  But it worked out for me this year because I had to be done by 7:30 a.m.  THere were only four of us this year, my sister Heidi, my mother in law Roxanne, my godmother Nita, and myself.  But that didn't stop us from having awesome shirts.  See?

Believe it or not we didn't get in any fights!  And I even parked like this....

What's the point of having 4 wheel drive if you're not going to use it?!? 

I shopped for a mere 11 hours and had to leave them to carry the torch because I had a plane to catch...

To be continued......

Here's a hint.  I was THIS happy about it!  ;)

Tale As Old As Time....

Oh hey there, long time no talk.  We should catch up!  Oh I know, let's talk about THE ELECTION!  Ha ha ha ha...or not.  I had to take a brief social media break last week before I started petitioning facebook for a PUNCH IN THE FACE button on statuses. I MEAN...WOW.  People were getting so ugly about the election, on both sides of the aisle with the namecalling, the character bashing.  I was getting a little unfriend happy by Tuesday so figured I'd just wait it out and then come out of hiding when everyone started acting like reasonable adults again.  Phew, glad that's over for 4 years.  I'll probably start to like people again right about the time for the next one.  :)
You know what else I was doing besides losing respect for people and hitting the unfriend button?  I was stopping traffic...literally.
It's been well documented that I tend to live on the edge when it comes to matters of the gas tank and the low fuel light.  When I see the little orange (why is it orange?  why can't it be pink?  maybe i'd pay more attention if it were!) I think "I need to get gas sometime today".  While I realize that some most people tend to see a gas light and their next immediate stop is the gas station. that is not how I operate.  Last Wednesday was no exception.  I noticed the light on when I left for work in the morning but didn't have time to stop and I know from experience that if it just came on I could make it to work no sweat.  My plan was to get gas on my lunch but well, umm, i forgot.  Then on the way home I had to stop at the grocery store so figured I'd just get it after the grocery store except, well, i, umm, forgot again.  Until I was on a gravel road about 2 miles from a gas station.  But never fear, I remembered right then and as I was climbing the steep hill on said gravel road (a long ways from home I might add) I decided I needed to do a quick U and head back towards the gas station because it was just too risky to drive and drive the rest of the way home (15ish miles).  See how responsible and smart I am?!?  Except apparently I had already pushed the PMobile to it's fuel rationing limits and just as I was attempting a U she died....in the middle of the gravel road...sideways....blocking the entire road...oh, and right in front of someone's driveway  Yay!  Awesome!  It's my lucky day!!!  NOT.  Here I drew you a diagram.  

 Yes, in addition to being a fueling expert I am an artist.  Don't be jealous.
As you can see by my exceptional diagram, this was an unfortunate place to run out of gas.  While it's not a main road with tons of traffic, it is still pretty heavily traveled.  I thought since I was kind of at the top of the hill that if I put it in neutral and rocked back and forth really hard I could get it to roll down and could steer it over to the side a bit.  Are you envisioning this right now?  Because as ridiculous as it looks in your head right now?  That's how it looked in real life x 100.  It wasn't long before there was a line of cars stopped because there was no way to pass on one side and on the other was a very narrow passage way and a steep inclined ditch right off the road.  I called GI Joe first to find out his location, he was in his office 45 minutes away so I called AAA.  I got out of the car because I didn't want people to think I was just parked in the middle of the road hanging out and figured if I was out, standing on the road NEXT to my car talking on my phone, people would figure out that I was a damsel in distress and not yell at me too much.  I had a car full of men in hard hats that dared go around my car on the narrow side offer me a ride to the gas station to get gas and became very insistent when I politely declined because HELLO STRANGER DANGER.  I was still on the phone with AAA because while they may be lifesavers they weren't exactly Johnny on the Spot.  I had to walk down to the bottom of the hill to see the street sign so I could tell AAA the name of the road I was on and the car full of men stopped me again and asked if I wanted a ride.  I told them no, I just needed to walk down and find out the street name.  They took off at warp speed to drive down to the bottom of the hill and then reversed back up to me to tell me.  So while I didn't get in the car with them to be kidnapped and dismembered they did save me a walk down the road.  I walked back up the hill to the PMObile as an old man on a motorcycle pulled up and started kind of yelling at me, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?  YOU CAN'T PARK HERE!  THIS IS DANGEROUS!" You don't know how hard I had to bite my tongue to refrain from saying, "Whaaaat, I can't?!?  But I was tired and thought this looked like a rest area!"  I was still on the phone to AAA but was trying to explain to the grumpy old man that I had run out of gas.  By then another guy that didn't want to brave going out around me had gotten out and was standing with the old man.  I told grumpy old man that I had tried putting in neutral to roll it down the hill to the side but it hadn't worked.  Then he told me, "Well we have to get it moved you're gonna kill 100 people leaving it here."   Oh really, only 100?  I was really hoping for 200 AT LEAST.  He told me to turn the wheel to the right and apparently I didn't do it right because no lie, he YELLED AT ME, "JUST GET OUT AND I'LL DO IT!"  Oh uh uh.  First I run out of gas in the middle of the road, nearly abducted by the Village People, and now old man Turbo is YELLING AT ME.  It was almost more than I could bear but I got out and let him take over.  Truth be told I just needed to WALK AWAY.  He steered while the other guy pushed and they did manage to get it to the side of the road. 
The after picture..

I thanked them and got back in vehicle STILL ON THE PHONE WITH AAA when finally they told me they'd have someone out within 50 minutes.  OH and did I mention that I had drank approximately 96 ounces of water throughout the day so you know what that means, i needed FACILITIES.  I weighed my options which were a) walk up the driveway to the house that I believed the grumpy old man to live in b) the ditch and c) hold it.  I opted for c because even though I was stranded on the side of the road I was still trying to salvage my dignity.  I was sitting in my car patiently awaiting the AAA tow truck to bring me gas when there was a knock on my window.  It was the grumpy old man.  I moaned inwardly because I figured he'd come back to yell at me some more, you know, kick a girl while she's down.  I got out and he gruffly asked me where my AAA people were?  I told him the ETA they had given me and then he said, "Well I brought you some gas so let's try it and see if we can't get you started."  WHAAAAAAT?  Oh yeah that crow I'm having to eat is kinda tough to chew.  Wow.  I take back everything I said about grumpy old man, although between you and me, he was still kinda grumpy and definitely still old but HE BROUGHT ME GAS so all was forgiven!!!  He poured it and told me to start it up.  I turned the key and nothing...nada....zero.  NOW the battery or something was dead!  SEe how my night just kept getting better and better?!?  Grumpy old man tried it too said the battery was dead and now it definitely was a AAA problem.  I thanked him profusely for the gas and he went on his way. 
A few minutes later the tow truck showed up.  The driver's side door opened and out stepped this guy, dressed in a mechanic's shirt just like in "The Lucky One" ...

And then I kinda felt like the lucky one, I mean you all know how I love me some ZAC EFRON right?  I do.  OK so fine, it wasn't really Zac Efron but it was a nearly exact replica.  OK so fine the Zac Efron lookalike also looked all of about ummm, say 18, so it was borderline inappropriate for me to find him adorable but you know what?  I felt like I had earned a bit of goodness in my very bad, horrible, no good night.  So I "supervised" while Zac put a gallon of gas in the PMobile and I "supervised" as he also tried to start it to no avail.  Then I had to break it to him that I had told the original AAA dispatcher that based on previous, ahem, experience that it usually took at least 5 gallons to get my truck started if I had run it out of gas.  Some weird Chevy quirk I guess, but I'm pretty sure the AAA lady thought I was feeding her a line to get free gas. Zac listened patiently, nodded empathatically and put another gallon of gas in it and then hooked up some jumper cables to try and get it going.  STill nothing.  Like the true gentleman Zac was he told me I could go sit in his BIG truck to stay warm.  Isn't he so sweet?  He loaded my PMobile up on the flatbed of his truck and then got in and asked me where I wanted to go.  A movie?  Dinner?  Vegas?  HA HA JUST KIDDING GI JOE, he asked me where I wanted him to take my PMobile, whatevs, same diff. While Zac was loading up my truck on the flatbed I had called GI Joe who told me to just have him tow it home and he'd meet us there with more gas as he thought it probably just needed more to get it started again.  I reluctantly agreed even though it could've been awkward, I mean my teenage crush Zac Efron meeting the love of my life, my husband of nearly 15 years?  I just hoped it wouldn't come to blows over me but was fully prepared for the worst.  Also, I still really REALLY had to go the bathroom and Zac's truck was a big bouncy semi.  Nothing like being alone in a semi cab with a Zac Efron lookalike, trying to make small talk (I'll spare you those details but I did learn that he had graduated from high school, see I'm not a pedophile!!!, & that while his shop was directly across the street from the new Dunkin' Donuts he had not yet been there, among other things)  while simultaneously trying not to wet yourself.  Ahh good times.   
We FINALLY made it to the house and GI Joe was waiting for us, dukes raised ready for a fight to gas it up.  As soon as we came to a complete stop I jumped out of the truck to run in the house, leaving GI Joe alone to face his arch rival supervise Zac unloading my truck off of the flatbed and signing any necessary paperwork.  When I went back outside, I not only found them talking amicably I found that GI Joe was RECRUITING Zac Efron and had gotten his number to set up an appointment for them to talk more at length about joining the military.  AND THE PLOT THICKENS.  Not really but if this were a soap opera it totally would.  The good news about this is that every time GI Joe enlists someone he takes their picture to hang on the wall of fame in his office so I may get that picture after all! 
The other good news is that between the gas that the grumpy old man, Zac Efron and GI Joe put in my truck I had a third of a tank and didn't have to get gas for a day or so! 
#winning
I wish I could neatly wrap up this story with a touching paragraph about how through this trying experience I learned a valuable lesson about the importance of keeping a full fuel tank or heeding the warning light on the dashboard that alerts me when I'm low on gas but the truth is that's not how I roll.  Nope, in fact my gas light came on again this morning but never fear, I stopped on the way home from work and filled her up.  What I did learn from it was that 1) sometimes even grouchy people can be nice so even when you want to be really sassy with them because they're being grouchy and yelling at you, you should try to be sweet and 2) which tow truck company to call should I ever be in need of assistancd again because nothing turns a traumatic experience around like having Zac Efron come to your rescue and 3) that Zac's name is actually not Zac but instead Sam (how cute is that?!?)  as my loving husband keeps correcting me every time I ask him if he's enlisted Zac, I mean Sam, yet and can he email me that picture. 
So in this season of thanksgiving I'm thankful for the kindness of strangers, AAA....and Zac Efron.

The Three Little Pigs

About a month ago, it was in the news that there was a bacon shortage over in Europe and that it COULD happen here.  We'd been talking for awhile about getting another "hog" for bacon purposes but this little tidbit of news gave GI Joe renewed purpose and drive in going through with it. 
So a short Craig's List search later, I had us a date with a pig farmer about 30 minutes from us.  We decided rather than risk not having bacon that we'd get at least 2, maybe 3 pigs from him since the price was right and again, BACON. 
I'm sure you're thinking, but Prairie Princess, I thought you didn't eat what you pet?  That is true and Hormel was our first foray into the world of being "real farmers".  And I gotta tell you that, when we gave Hormel to that one farmer who met GI joe and the kids at the meat locker that one day so he could take Homel home and paint her hooves pink and walk her around town on a leash and in exchange he gave us a mean ol' ugly pig that nobody loved that we butchered and got a freezer full of delicious bacon, sausage, ham, and pork chops out of*, I changed my tune a little.  *This may or may not be what happened, but it's how the story goes in MY head.  It was nice knowing we were eating something straight from the farm w/ no crazy additives or hormones or anything in it.  ANd it was also nice being kind of self reliant, we're basically pioneer people!  So I was down for being a pig farmer again. 
GI Joe and I made the trek to the pig farmer's place on a cold, rainy night.  The farmer took us to the building where the piglets were and I died.  Piglets are pretty much adorable.  Sure they stink but we all have our crosses to bear.  He told us to pick the ones we wanted and while I knew we should be picking the biggest ones, I immediately fell in love with the runt of the litter.  So I picked her up and held her like a baby.   The farmer looked at me in disbelief because apparently most of his clientele doesn't come into his barn and cuddle with the piglets.  Weird.  Usually when you pick up a piglet they squeal at ear piercing levels but when I picked up the piglet she just settled right into my arms and didn't make a sound.  The farmer looked at me, shaking his head and said, " It's not even squealing!"  Add pig whisperer to my resume.  GI Joe wasn't in the barn at this time as he was backing the truck up for ease of loading.  When he came back in he found me cuddling a piglet and the farmer staring at me with his mouth agape.  It was time to make my move.
Bats eyelashes, gives him my sweetest smile, "GI Joe, look at this piglet.  She's SOOOOO CUUUUUUTE and little and look  she's not even squealing while I'm holding her, I think it's destiny she's meant to go home with me!  What if we get her and keep her to have babies next spring?!?  Isn't that a great idea?!?  Please, pretty please?"
And to my utter disbelief he said, "OK"
Whoa, what?  I hadn't even gone through my complete list of reasons why  I needed to take her home.  That was way too easy.  But I'll take it.  The farmer just chuckled and shook his head.  And that's how I got a new pet pig.  Just your every day swine story...girl meets pig, girl falls in love with pig, pig doesn't squeal, boy tells girl she can have pig, girl loves boy AND pig.  And they all live happily ever after eating bacon. 
"Pick out the other 2 that you want...FOR EATING." 
So I picked out the 2 biggest, not nice, pigs I could and off we went. 
The whole way home I was trying to figure out the perfect name for my new pet.  It had to be something glamorous, something catchy, something girly, something sparkly.  This was a big deal and since she was going to be our bacon mama and part of the zoo for a LONG time I had to love the name. 
At first I was leaning towards Glitzy, inspired by the classic American television show "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" because that show cracks me up and because she kinda looks like Glitzy, Honey Boo Boo's pig. 
When we got home and I carried her around the barnyard introducing her to the kids and the other animals, Glitzy was just not well received so I went back to the drawing board. 
And that's how I decided on........drum roll please.....Christina HOGuilera

She's quite the looker no?  I just need to get her some ultra glittery eyeshadow, a spray tan, and some cleavage baring tops and she'll be the real deal.

But that's not all.  I couldn't give her a name like Christina Hoguilera and leave the rest with ordinary names like Porker or Petunia so after an exhaustive search of the internets and some digging deep into my past and a review of my favorites as of this moment, I came up with appropriate names for the other 2, a boy and a girl. 

Introducing Snoop HOGgy Hogg and Miranda HAMbert.

• 
  Yeah, I went there.  I'm not sorry.  The bad part is that I love these names so much but within a year they'll be in the freezer at a new farmer's house in exchange for 2 mean, ugly hogs with boring names that he'll give us to butcher.  Again, just work with me on this story, it helps me sleep at night.  Do you see what a diva Christina Hoguilera is being in this picture? I couldn't have picked a better name.  Work it girl!

I'm doing really well at not getting attached to Snoop Hoggy Hogg and Miranda Hambert because they are skittish and run away from me when I try to pet them. 

But Christina Hoguilera and I?  We have a special bond that will withstand the test of time.  OK fine, she runs from me too but when I pick her up she only squeals for a little bit before she calms down and lets me hold her and carry her around embarrassing her in front of the other barnyard animals.  I mean, what kind of respectable hog is carried around and coddled like a baby?  What the others must think.  They're just jealous I'm sure. 

My nephew Jonah however, is still not sold on the whole pig thing.  And look at this picture, Christina is clearly annoyed that she is having to share my affections with him. 

I seriously just sat here for 5 minutes trying to think of pig puns (who does THAT?!?)  but I think it's best if I just let that go and leave you with this instead. 

And this little piggy went to the market, oh and so did this one, but this one sang "Genie In A Bottle" all the way home!"

I really should've stopped while I was ahead.  :)

Food Friday

Happy Friday!

I was going to post a recipe for MeatBALLS just to keep with the recent blog theme  but then I made a recipe from Pinterest the other night that made me forget all about BALLS.  And trust me when I say that is a good thing all around. 

The thing with recipes (crafts, DIY, pretty much everything) found on Pinterest is that sometimes they don’t always turn out like the original poster promises.  For example, “BEST (WHATEVER) EVER!” rarely is the BEST EVER.  It may be good, yes but best ever?  Ehhh…debatable or if you have exceptionally low standards in life.  Oh and then there was the pepper jack soup I made from Pinterest the other night that was a complete and total disaster.  Best ever NOTHING.  If you could get past the unfortunate puke like appearance of it, the flavor was not too bad, but then when it was discovered that the chunks of pepper jack cheese had not melted but had spongified and become very tofu like in texture and flavor, that was it, pour the bowls down the garbage disposal.    Popcorn for dinner it is!  Sidenote:  Upon further review it was my error in not fully reading the instructions that said to SHRED the pepper jack cheese before adding it to the crockpot, for some reason I thought it said cut into chunks.  Duh.  I am a dork. 

So after that traumatic dinner experience, I was slightly hesitant to try another Pinterest recipe but I’m so glad I had the courage to press onward in my Pinterest related cooking goals.  Does anyone else obsess over trying every single recipe they’ve pinned?  No?  I’m crazy?  Fine. 

Here’s the link to the original recipe I stole off of my friend Heather’s (heeeey Heather!) board…so that Chef John the inventor of the recipe can be dually credited for this glorious invention.

But I’ll take it from there because his recipe presentation?  Stinks.  I don’t want to have to watch a video, no matter how simple and informative it is, to get the recipe instructions, just put it all on a handy dandy printable thankyouverymuch.

So my gift to you, minus the printable because this blog is not THAT fancy……..

The BEST Chicken Parmesan EVER (No really, it is!)

by Chef John (whoever that is)

Ingredients

2 T. olive oil

2-3 garlic cloves crushed or minced

Hot red pepper flakes to taste, don’t be a wimp add in a good sprinkle it really “takes it up a notch”

5-6 boneless chicken breasts

2 cups marinara sauce (Use good stuff NOT a can of Hunts spaghetti sauce.  I used a jar of Creamy Vodka sauce, can’t remember the brand but oh MY was it perfect in this.  Also any excuse I can get to sneak vodka in and still be Baptist approved?  YES.)

¼ c. chopped fresh basil or be like me and just use a healthy dose of dried Italian seasoning and/or basil instead

8 oz shredded mozzarella

4 oz Parmesan (not the green can stuff, the REAL stuff)

1 (5 oz) package of garlic croutons

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Put the olive oil in the bottom of your 9x13 baking dish, swirl it around so it pretty much covers the bottom.  Add in the minced garlic and red pepper flakes, swirl some more so they are spread around as well.  Put your chicken breasts in.  Sprinkle with Italian seasoning or fresh basil whichever you prefer and have available.  Pour sauce over the chicken.  Add a little more Italian seasoning, because there’s no such thing as too much Italian (Hello Goodfellas!!! That was for you AWH).  Sprinkle half of the mozzarella and half of the Parmesan on top of the sauce.  Add the entire bag of croutons making sure that they’re spread out to cover the entire pan.  Sprinkle on the rest of your cheeses.  Bake at 350 for 30-45 minutes or until chicken is done.  The original recipe calls for 30 minutes but mine had to cook for more like 45 minutes.  And that’s it!

GI Joe who has recently declared along with our children, that we eat too much chicken, groaned a bit when I told him we were having Chicken Parmesan for dinner but then after a few bites he said it was VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY GOOD even if it was chicken.  That is basically the highest compliment he can give to a non pork or beef meat that is not wrapped in bacon so I’ll take it. 

Please  keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I try to meet the “No Chicken Challenge” my family has issued me for the upcoming week.  I’ll miss you my delectable, lean, multipurpose meat.  But not to worry we’ll meet again next week with the 7 chicken recipes I have waiting in the wings.  I’ll show you FAMILY. 

Have a great weekend!