Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Gender Confusion

Attention, your attention please.  I have an important announcement to make.

*clears throat*

Here at the Koons Zoo, we've been living a lie. 

Remember our little, ahem, issue with our llamas?  The brokeback llamas?  Aren't you glad you clicked that link so you could see that picture again?  You're welcome. 

And remember our solution to the aforementioned issue? 

Well, plan failed.  The candles, the wine, the music was all for nothing. 

Now instead of a happy llama family with a gay llama uncle, we have....wait for it.... THREE GAY MALE LLAMAS. 

Yeah, that's right, our supposed llama mama?  Not so much a mama. 

This shocking discovery was made over the weekend when he/she formerly known as Dolly came up to give GI Joe a nuzzle because that's what she does, and as she was running away, the wind blew her fur just right, and lo and behold, get the treasure chest because there were JEWELS there.  And I'm not talking emeralds here, people. 

This explains why we there's no baby llama even though the appropriate gestation period has passed.  Nothing's gestating in there if you know what I'm saying. 

Once again I was improperly misled by the livestock auction.  Remember the mules?  This time I had paperwork that said he was a SHE. 

So Dolly Llama is now Wally Llama. 

The bad news is that it has become increasingly obvious that we are not certified in gender specification.  Between Herky the Turkey who we were sure was a boy until HE started laying eggs, to a kitten who for MONTHS went by the name Jasmine until we saw Jasmine in a precarious position with another cat that caused us to change the name from Jasmine to Jazz, and now this.  Come to think of it, do I really have ONE DAUGHTER AND 2 SONS?!?  Uh oh. 

The other bad news is that we really thought Wally was a Dolly because of all the chasing and..ahem...dominating that the other 2 male llamas were doing to her/him.  So not only did Dolly/Wally NOT cure our brokeback issue HE made it worse.  And now we have a regular Blazing Saddles brothel up in here. 

The good news (?)....Gay marriage in's not just for people anymore.   

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