Back to the weekend....
GI Joe has been working incredibly long hours and the weekend was no exception, he got to spend all day Saturday and Sunday training new recruits, leaving me to single motherhood. It just so happens that single motherhood is not my fortitude, I’m definitely more of a team parent. But figured I would make the best of it as I try to do since this happens quite often with GI Joe’s chosen career. I had a whole day planned of fun for the kids and I to keep us occupied. And by fun I mean, sleeping in, shopping, out for lunch, followed by some baking and Christmas movie watching. Sounds great right? Right, that’s what I thought. But apparently, fun to the kids means fighting, whining, being possessed by retarded aliens, and driving their mother crazy. I can see how the two would be easily confused…or not. I will spare you all the sordid details of their ridiculous behavior because frankly I don’t want to relive it. It was that bad. It was so bad that I was mentally writing the Craig’s List ad that went a little something like this: “Free to good home, 3 very cute kids, ages 11, 8, and 7. Housebroken (mostly). Have been well trained but may need some refreshers as they seem to have temporary amnesia.” Now some might say I should’ve just taken them home if they were behaving that bad. Which would’ve maybe worked except that I would’ve been trapped in the house alone with them. Also, when you live in the boondocks and work full time during the week and spend every evening of the week being a chauffeur to the aforementioned children, there are things that have to get done and weekends are really the only time to do so. Going home was really not an option unfortunately. Besides I think if I would've taken them home they would've considered that a win since they were not digging the shopping part of the day's agenda. I get that somehow my shopping gene skipped them and they don't find the joy in it that I do, however, grocery shopping is a necessary evil and Christmas shopping for their Daddy should be a fun thing for them. Also, it's not like I was dragging them shopping for 17 hours or anything it was just a few hours so basically, suck it up cupcakes.
What I'm about to tell you may shock you, especially if you're one to read any of the Mommy Blogs where they talk about how wonderful and well behaved their children are and do nothing but dote on them, mysteriously leaving out the real life parts about how their kids drive them crazy sometimes, how they may or may not have lost their cool with them, and how they fed them Green Apple Tic Tacs as a snack to tide them over until dinner. Not that I've done ANY of those things but I am just not one of those Mommy Bloggers. Yes, for the most part our kids are very well behaved and I love them with every fiber of my being but let's be realistic, it's not all puppy dogs and rainbows.
Over the course of the weekend I heard myself saying things that I remember my mother saying to us (aka me my sisters were SOOO innocent) and realized I am my mother...with a twist. A twist that makes me NOT quite as sweet or gracious or even tempered with my children as she was with hers. And that's how I find myself saying (not yelling, I'm not a yeller just a "tone" kind of mom) the following things to my children on Saturday:
"I'm never taking you anywhere with me again!" (that's a classic straight from my Mom's arsenal.)
"See how well behaved those kids are being in that cart over there? That's how you should be acting. OH MY GOODNESS, WHY ARE YOU NOT ACTING LIKE THAT WELL BEHAVED KID?!?
"I think I'm going to drop you off at Camp Dodge with Daddy and he can get you ready for boot camp cuz you're about 2 seconds away from being sent there FOREVER."
"Everyone please shake the stupid off before we go into Target." Stupid is typically not allowed but extreme circumstances call for drastic measures and technically I wasn't calling THEM stupid, I was simply implying that stupid how somehow gotten stuck to them causing them to act out of character. But really, "shake the stupid off?" I'm so ashamed.
"Raise your hand if you think it's a good idea to make Mommy, buyer of your presents, close personal friend of Santa, mad 3 weeks before Christmas? *Crickets* That's what I thought."
"Everyone get in your rooms and get them clean. As much as I love you, I really don't want to see your faces or hear your voices for a few minutes. Mama needs some ME time. It's for the best." You'll be relieved to know that I did not use my Mama time to drink any medicinal brandy, although believe me the thought crossed my mind.
"We're playing the quiet game. The first person to talk, whine, or touch their brother or sister gets dropped off on the side of the road. And you think I'm kidding....."
And the list goes on but I don't want to lay all my cards out on the table for DHS to see.
Admittedly, it was not one of my finer days of motherhood but that's what it's all about. Surviving the days like Saturday to get to the days like yesterday where we watched Rudolph, listened to Christmas music, cooked supper together, laughed, cuddled, and wrapped presents. The worst thing I said to them yesterday was, "Quit running thru the house with that sword, you're going to fall and get BLOOD ON THE PRESENTS!!" Seriously.
And there goes my Mother of the Year award....again.
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