Sunday, December 5, 2010

More About My Ass(es)

It's been 2 months since I brought home the mother/son mules/donkeys.  I still call them mules/donkeys because I hold to the fact that I THOUGHT I was buying mules.  For 2 long months, I've been deliberating over names, trying to figure out the perfect names for them. 
Meanwhile, GI Joe can only refer to them if he puts "stupid" in front of them.  For example, "Did you hear your stupid donkeys hee hawing this morning?"  or "I let your stupid donkeys out into the other pasture."
They really aren't stupid, but he just really REALLY loves donkeys.  Which is why I would NEVER knowingly buy a donkey.  A mule?  Yes.  A donkey?  No.  That's what he gets for sending me to an animal auction unchaperoned.  How was I to know that my first clue that I was purchasing donkeys instead of mules was that it was a mother and baby.  Who knew mules don't have babies?  I do!!!!! (now). 
Anyway, my mules/donkeys have adjusted well to the Koons Zoo.  Although, to hear GI Joe tell it, Holy Cow's reaction when we unloaded them into the same barnyard was, "Nooooooooooo".  But all this time I've been searching, thinking, googling for the perfect donkey names.  In the meantime, I've just been calling them sweetie and honey.  Not that they answer, they are still quite skittish and aren't the petting type...yet.  Give us a few months (warm ones) and they will be. 
But finally, FINALLY I've decided on names and I couldn't be happier.  They are perfect.



I probably don't need to explain why I chose Beyonce for the girl.  It probably goes without saying, it's a pretty common name for a donkey.  Or not.  Beyonce's black, the donkey/mule is white.  Beyonce is not a mother, donkey/mule is.  Beyonce can sing, the donkey/mule can't exactly sing but she does make some interesting noises.  Beyonce is bootylicious, and the donkey's technical name refers to that same anatomical area.  Oh and donkey/mule IS A SINGLE LADY!   So as you can see the choice was clear.  Really, it came down to I just love the thought of saying I have a donkey named Beyonce and also yelling that out across the pasture.  Good times. 
Then there's the baby boy...Kanye.  That's pretty self explanatory.  I mean, did you see the real Kanye West and his little escapade taking the microphone away from poor, innocent Taylor Swift last year?  He made such an A%#, I mean donkey of himself, so it's only fitting that an actual ass share his name.  Not to mention we were staying with the people of color theme, you know since they're white donkeys and all.  And naming them after white supremacists was clearly not an option.  Hello, '92-'94. 
So there you have it, the story of how my ass(es) was named.  And now I"m going to go wash my mouth out with soap.  Right after I go say goodnight to Beyonce and Kanye.  "See Me Now" ya'll, I have donkeys named Beyonce and Kanye. 

No comments:

Post a Comment