For those of you who have already heard this story, or perhaps witnessed it firsthand, or were in attendance at the meeting in which I told the story and even drew a court-worthy drawing of it on the whiteboard, my apologies, you get to hear it again.
It was a lovely Wednesday evening several weeks back and the kids and I were headed to church, as good Baptists do. My step mom Evie, had called earlier and was on her way thru our neck of the woods and asked if we would meet her at the gas station by our church, to do a transfer of goods in preparation for the kids spending the weekend with them. I was rather proud of myself for my time management skills on a church night, as I gotta be honest they usually stink, but this particular night I was right on time.
Evie was waiting for me,not because I was late just because she beat me there, and we did the exchange of goods. We said our goodbyes and got into our vehicles. I need to interrupt this story to tell you a minor detail: my Princess Mobile was very, very, dirty. As in so dirty I couldn't see clearly out of my back window or in my rear view mirrors. As in so dirty, I thought to myself as I glanced out my back window and could barely make out the outline of a truck at the pump behind me, that "Boy it would suck if I ran over someone because I couldn't see them."
I began backing up, satisfied that the only thing I could kind of see was a truck at the gas pump behind me. When all of the sudden I heard a very loud, disturbing thud and knew it was time to clean my windows as I had just hit something. My first thought was, "OH MY GOODNESS I JUST FULFILLED MY OWN SELF PROPHESY AND RAN OVER SOMEONE!" I put it in park and jumped out yelling "Did I just run over someone? What just happened?" A very nice man was standing there and said, "No, not someone, just my trailer." He was all calm and stuff which was good considering I was freaking out slightly. "Oh good I really thought it was someone. Is the trailer okay?" I asked. "Well I don't know you're still on it. Why don't you pull ahead and we'll see." said nice man who was still refraining from punching me in the nose. "Oh oh ok I'll move." I hopped back in all flustered and embarrassed and pulled ahead slightly. Nice man said, "It's ok, you're fine." and waved me on. As in waved me on without getting my insurance information, calling the cops, screaming at me for being an incompetent driver with a dirty vehicle, etc. I breathed a HUGE sigh of relief and swore I would marry that man, well if I weren't already happily married of course. But I love that man. My kids on the other hand were not so kind. The minute I got back in this is what I heard:
"MOMMY I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU RAN OVER THAT GUY"S TRAILER!"
"OH MY GOODNESS, FIRST A SPEEDING TICKET AND NOW RUNNING OVER STUFF. WHEN ARE YOU EVER GOING TO LEARN?"
"WAIT TIL WE TELL DADDY."
This is the thanks I get for carrying them in my womb, enduring months of morning sickness, acid reflux AND pitossin just to bring them in this world, not to mention feeding them, clothing them and refraining from beating them regularly? Apparently all of that was forgotten the minute Mommy's driving skills were in question. I assured them that if nice man said it was fine then it was fine, no need to talk about it. And then my phone rang and it was my step mom who had witnessed the whole thing, and all I heard was hysterical laughing, no words just laughing. Do you see how supportive my family is? Do you huh? Huh?
We pulled into the church parking lot and they hopped out and went inside. By the time I had gathered my things and went inside the church I was greeted with "Hey Crash, heard you had a little incident tonight?" and "Ran over a trailer huh?" THEY HAD 30 SECONDS ON ME...THIRTY SECONDS! Remind me why I thought having kids was a good idea? :) So yeah, that continued all night as did the harassment from the under 10 set. GI Joe had to work late that night so he was not at church and privy to the first hand account of what happened, sadly.
The next day I was telling my coworkers about my unfortunate run in with the trailer when my friend Martha (of Monkey Madness fame) said, "What did GI Joe say?" And that's when it dawned on me, that I had FAILED to mention the incident to GI Joe. Ooops. So I went to my office and called him. The conversation went a little something like this:
Me: "Hi. Umm yeah so I forgot to tell you about something last night."
GI Joe: "OK. What?'
Me: "Well you see there was a truck with a trailer parked at the gas pump at the gas station when I met Evie, and it was in my blind spot and when I backed out of my parking spot I MAY have run into it."
GI Joe: "You MAY have?"
Me: "Ok so I did, but it was totally fine, the guy was really nice and once I moved the PMobile off of the trailer he said it was fine and I could leave."
GI Joe: "You ran over someone's trailer?!?"
Me: "Yes, but it was hard to see and my truck was a little dirty and the trailer was really low and...."
GI Joe: "Did you ever consider WASHING your vehicle?"
Me: "It's supposed to rain on Saturday. And shouldn't you be a good husband and wash it for me? (SCORE one for PP) And it wouldn't have mattered anyway because it was low to the ground and in my blind spot but the good news is that I didn't hit a person cuz I really thought it was a person." (Sidenote: I blog exactly like I talk, run on sentences and all.)
GI Joe: BIG SIGH. "Did it do any damage to your vehicle?"
Me: "I don't think so."
GI Joe: "You're a dork." And then he said to the kids, "Hey guys how come you didn't tell me what Mommy did last night?"
Kids: "Oh you mean when she ran over that guy's trailer?!? Yeah that was so embarrassing."