Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The Frog Days of Summer

It's finally starting to feel like summer and I couldn't be happier. Except for one minor problem. I had forgotten that when it gets warmer the amphibians are out in full force. And when there are frogs and toads to be found my kids will find them and then torture me with them.

Fun Fact that I just learned today: The difference between frogs and toads? Toads are bumpy (and gross) and frogs are slimy and smooth (and also gross). You probably knew that, but having the sheltered childhood that I had, I did not know that.
L-R: Frog, Toad. I'm sorry, welcome to my world.

Ryder found a wart covered toad today and just had to show me. I took the obligatory picture of my frog catching boy (using the zoom lens I might add) and all was fine and good in the world. Until it leaped out of his hands and starting hopping toward me causing me to run around the yard screaming like a little girl. I should know by now to never let them sense your fear as that just catapulted the events to catastrophic levels. Meaning, Ryder caught Mr. Toad again and began CHASING ME AROUND THE YARD. I was terrified. The reasonable thing would've been to calmly look my fear of amphibians in the eyes and reach out and pet it, proving to Ryder that you can't scare this tough, country mama with a toad. Except that I'm not known for being reasonable, calm, or tough NOR will I ever lay a hand on one of those nasty things. I just went into convulsions typing that. Ewwwww..
If he weren't so adorable (minus the amphibians) I probably would've had to disown him for this little incident.
Speaking of convulsions, I had another spell of them today. I was sent into a fit of them when as I was backing out of the driveway in GI Joe's truck when he came walking towards me. I thought that he wanted to whisper sweet nothings in my ear and tell me goodbye so I rolled down the window. When I rolled down the window, my husband, the one who VOWED to love, honor, cherish, and PROTECT me did the unthinkable. HE THREW A LIVE TOAD IN THRU THE OPEN WINDOW OF HIS TRUCK AS I WAS SITTING IN THE DRIVER'S SEAT!!! The disgusting thing was hopping around on the floorboard at my feet and I think it may have touched me but I'm trying to erase that from my memory. I took my feet off the brake and went into the fetal position, screaming like a banshee. Then I decided I was bailing so I opened the truck door and was making my way out of the truck. I didn't notice that the truck was lurching forward heading towards a) the dogs b) the house c) maybe some small children. GI Joe was laughing so hard he could barely breathe but he managed to squeak out that I needed to stop the truck. Thankfully, the toad hopped out when I opened the door, but I will forever be scarred.
I"m suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome as we speak which may require medicinal brandy, I'm just sayin'. And if he hadn't just bought me a really great birthday present that I will finally receive on Friday, I might be single right now. Well, that and he is pretty cute (when he's not holding a toad). He claims he was just sharing the loveliness of nature and God's creations with me. Whatever dude, next time just take a picture to show me. :)
This may come as a shock but neither Ryder's or GI Joe's toad intervention aka attempt to cure me of my amphibian fears were successful. Hard to believe that chasing someone with something they are terrified of didn't work?!? Weird.
Thankfully, this princess didn't have to kiss any frogs (or toads) before finding my prince. That same prince who is in the froghouse for the next few days for that little prank.
And the frog days of summer begin.....

1 comment:

  1. Kinda reminds me of last 4th of July