that GI Joe and I are exceptional parents. Of course you already knew this if you’ve read this blog for any length of time. If not just randomly click on any of the archived entries and I'm sure you'll find your proof.
Dakota, our 10 year old, still wholeheartedly believes in Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy (what?!? They ARE real!). We do our best to keep the magic going for her when it comes to such matters by doing things like telling her the kids in her class who don’t “believe” must live a very sad, sorry existence since obviously Santa, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy won’t visit those who don’t believe and anyone who argues is a crackhead. Example #205689 that we are excellent parents.
Dakota lost a tooth last Friday morning. Friday, the same day that she and I were St Louis bound. I convinced her to leave the tooth under her pillow at home because I was afraid it would get lost in transit and also that the tooth fairy wouldn’t be able to locate her in St Louis. She begrudgingly agreed and placed her tooth under her pillow in a baggie on which she wrote, “Dear Tooth Fairy, If you could leave $38.00 instead of the usual $1 that would be greatly appreciated. FYI, my adult tooth is already coming in where I lost this one and I have another tooth very loose. Sincerely, Dakota A. Kxxxxx”. That’s right she made a $38.00 demand on the tooth fairy! What is it with kids these days? Back in my day I was lucky to score 50 cents from the tooth fairy and these days the LOW bid is $1.00! What is this world coming to?
When we returned home from our girls weekend on Sunday, she went right to her room, eagerly anticipating the Tooth Fairy’s deposit. Unfortunately, the Tooth Fairy hadn’t visited. We chalked it up to the Tooth Fairy being confused as to Dakota’s whereabouts..should she leave it at her house or should she drop it off in ST Louis ? Oh the dilemmas the Tooth Fairy must’ve faced. The next night Dakota went to bed confident the surely the TF would find her now that all was back to normal and she was safe and snug in her own bed. Ummm, not so much. The next morning Dakota moped out of her room and reported that the TF had not made a stop. GI Joe and I looked at each other with that "I thought you were "taking care" of the Tooth Fairy?!?" We vowed that we would get in touch with the tooth fairy and make sure she visited the next night...except that we forgot...again...and again...and 5 times again. Seriously what is wrong with us?!? Every morning it was the same thing, our memory was jogged only by Dakota losing a little bit of faith in the Tooth Fairy every.single.morning. Oops. Finally, we decided it was time to redeem ourselves, I mean the Tooth Fairy, so we told Dakota that maybe we'd tell the Tooth Fairy she could break the rules and come while Dakota was at school until waiting til nighttime. She was all for it. Now I'll let you in on a lil' secret, we told her that because we figured we'd be less apt to forget to ahem, talk to the TF, if we did it as soon as Dakota left for school. I left for work and Dakota left for school, leaving GI Joe in charge of "talking to the TF".
By this time, 5 days had passed, so we knew that the TF had to offer some type of explanation for our inquisitive, yet trusting daughter.
Here is the note that the Tooth Fairy left under Dakota's pillow at approximately 8am last Wednesday morning.
I am sooo sorry that it took a long time for me to pay you for your tooth. I have been very busy in Tennessee. Since the flooding a lot of children have lost a lot of teeth. Now that is under control I can get back to making my normal rounds. I have been collecting teeth day and night, I am very tired. I hope that $2.00 will make up for being late. Signed, the Tooth Fairy.
Did the Tooth Fairy really just blame her incompetent, untimely delivery on the FLOODING IN TENNESSEE? Yes, yes she did. Has she no shame? Apparently not.
When Dakota got home from school and found the treasure and the note she had a few questions.
Q: Why would the floods make the Tooth Fairy busier?
My Answer on behalf of the TF: Well, because alot of kids in TN had to get out of their houses very quickly because they were being flooded. They might not have had time to get their tooth from under their pillow, so the tooth fairy had to go to their flooded house to get the tooth then go to where the kid was staying and give them the $ for their tooth. It really made a lot of extra trips for the Tooth Fairy. Poor girl.
Q: Why does the Tooth Fairy's handwriting look exactly like Santa's when he leaves a note by the cookies and milk every Christmas?
My Answer on Behalf of TF & Santa: Because remember how in the movie "The Tooth Fairy" they all went to the same school? Since the TF and Santa went to the same school they learned how to write the same just like you and the kids in your class learned the same kind of cursive.
Q: Did the Tooth Fairy go past Hilary and Bryan's house since she spent so much time in TN?
My Answer on Behalf of TF: I'm sure she did, maybe she even did a fly thru, hard to say, that Tooth Fairy is a sneaky one.
Dakota: I hope the Tooth Fairy does a better job when I lose my next tooth.
Me: I'm sure she will now that the flooding in TN is under control, unless of course there's a hurricane or tornado or something.
The good news is that she still believes in "the magic". The bad news is that GI Joe and I won't be giving up the title of Worst Parents of the Year indefinitely. Sometimes the tooth is hard to handle. :)
Bleak But Beautiful by The Pioneer Woman
8 hours ago