Current Events: The X Edition

I have a lot of big, heavy, important issues on my mind right now. Please bear with me as I vent:



*The movie “Brothers”-GI Joe and I watched this movie last weekend. Points of interest: Toby McGuire is NOT cute, especially when he has a high and tight haircut. I like him better when he’s wearing a Spiderman mask. However, Jake Gyllenhaal IS very cute and enjoyable in this movie. There’s some very disturbing things about this movie that make you yell at the TV screen and the ending is very ho hum. I give it a C, except for you Jake, A+. Speaking of Jake, I wish Reese Witherspoon would get her head on straight and get back together with him where she belongs. What is wrong with these Hollywood women? Speaking of Hollywood women, which we really weren’t but we are now, Renee Uglywellger is now dating Bradley Cooper. Not right, he could do so much better. Sorry, not a fan of Uglywellger after the whole fiasco with my friend Kenny Chesney.

You had me at goodbye Renee.

*”Lost”-There’s a lot of hype right now around this, the last season of Lost. I’ve got to be honest, the only reason I ever watch even one second of Lost is when Charlie, I mean Matthew Fox is onscreen. Apparently, they call him Jack now but to me he will always be Charlie. I miss and love you Party of Five. GI Joe LOVES Lost, whereas it’s always made my head hurt (except when Charlie is shown especially with his shirt off..oops did I just say that?) and made me feel, well, lost. However, I promised GI Joe that after Lost is done, and this summer when there’s nothing good on TV we can begin back at Season 1 and work our way thru. Mainly, I just want to see more Matthew Fox but we’ll keep that between us. Let’s let him think it’s because I want to share in and understand his interests more.

(You’re welcome)

*Jesse James- WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? Cheating on America ’s Sweetheart, Sandra Bullock? Really? You’ve got issues bro. And given your choice in mistresses and your Nazi attire, I’d say your issues are bigger than just your wandering……eye. Now that I mention cheaters, you should ask me what I think of Tiger Woods sometime, it'll be fun.

Stab him with your Oscar Sandy!!!

*The movie “How to Train Your Dragon”-the kids and I went to see this movie on Friday night while GI Joe went to see “Clash of the Titans”. Clash of the Titans=not my kind of movie. How to Train Your Dragon=right up my alley. Great movie, the kids and I all loved it. I left the movie determined to acquire a dragon for the Koons Zoo, preferably one who flies, so I can ride it. So if you have any dragon connections let me know. Until I find one though, I’ll have to settle by naming our new baby turkeys dragon names. They’re basically the same thing right? Dragons and turkeys?


If only this came in pink

*Have you heard of the “Fat Tax”? I don’t mean to get all political here but this has my (extra large) panties in a knot. It’s not regular soda that makes people fat, it’s PEOPLE CHOOSING to drink too much regular soda and other bad for you foods that makes people fat. Take for example, my Reese’s eggs. Is it THEIR fault that I may or may not have gone thru 8 bags of them in the past month? Can I blame them for the discomfort I felt when trying to squeeze into my skinny jeans? No, I cannot. It’s on me, and I knew exactly what I was doing when I put those delicious morsels in my mouth. I’m warning you right now that if my state chooses to have the Fat Tax and starts additionally taxing my Reese’s eggs, I will do 2 things. 1) go straight up vigilante. Protests, lobbying, the works....who’s with me? 2) start a Reese’s egg bootlegging business, crossing state lines to states that do not charge the “fat tax” and smuggling them back into our state and most importantly into my freezer, where they belong. I will step down off of my soapbox now, thank you for your attention.



Phew, I feel so much better now that I’ve laid all that out on the table. Think I’ll go eat a Reese’s egg now, they were on clearance at my Wal Mart yesterday so of course I stocked up, you know before they start erroneously taxing them.