Wednesday, November 30, 2011


The town we call our hometown is small, like really small.  As in you know those country songs about small town USA?  SMALLER than those.  We don't have a stoplight, we don't have any restaurants unless you count the bar, which has great tenderloins by the way, and we don't have choices in gas station because there's only one, a Casey's of course.  Our school is K-12 and last I heard total enrollment was around 600 13 grades.  I think there were about that many in my (would've been) graduating class in Burlington, Iowa where I moved from before my junior year, you know when I was black.  Total population of our town?  Less than 1000, I'm guessing that doesn't count us rural folks who are outside of city limits but I could be wrong.  The point here is that it's SMALL. 

The view to your right as you come into town, on the left used to be cornfield but is now a metropolis pictured below.  Fun fact:  I used to work at this very Casey's in high school.  BEST. JOB. EVER. for reasons I shall not disclose.  ;)

Well, according to my kids that's ALL ABOUT TO CHANGE. 

You see, we went from a town of ONE bank that looked exactly like it probably did 50 years ago to a town of TWO BANKS and the new bank?  It has a FANCY sign that shows the time and temperature and your mother's maiden name! 

This new bank moved to town awhile back but until recently occupied the building that used to be the old laundrymat.  Sidenote:  The laundrymat was named The Wet Spot...seriously.  Do you know how many inappropriate jokes that opened the doors for?  Hey, there's not much else to do here.  The sign is still there although faded with time but I still giggle every time I go past it.  I mean really, THE WET SPOT?!? 
Photographic Proof..look close at the faded white sign on the right side of the picture and you might be able to make it out. 

Anyway, the bank has been occupying the former Wet Spot while their new building across the street from Casey's right as you enter town, was being built.  One day before the building was done we drove past and the fancy new sign was on and lit up announcing the temperature for the day.  My hillbilly children FUH-REAKED OUT.
Blade:  What is THAT?!?
Me:  It's the new bank's cool new sign.  Look we can see what the temperature and time is now!  Look how fancy our town is getting!
Me:  WHAT?!?  Did I run over something (again)? 
Dakota:  No, they're taking over!
Me:  Who's taking over?
Dakota:  The city people.  They're ruining our little town. 
Me:  It's just a bank.
Blade:  It starts with a bank and then next thing you know there's a skyscraper.
Dakota:  Yeah, see that cornfield back there?  It'll be filled with skyscrapers in a few years.
Me:  Uhh guys, I've been coming to or lived in this town all my life and it's taken them 30+ years to get a SECOND bank, I don't think we have to worry about a metropolis sprouting up here.  I mean, we don't even have a stoplight yet.
Dakota:  They'll add the stoplights when they start building the skyscrapers.
Blade:  Great, now all kinds of new kids are going to move to our school and I won't know everyone anymore.
Me:  I think you might be overreacting JUST a tad. 
Dakota:  I can't believe it.  They're going to take over our town and before we know it it'll be a city!
Ryder, finally piping in after being strangely silent throughout this entire exchange:  We're learning about this in school.  Right now we're a RURAL community but pretty soon we'll be an URBAN area.  Look at that new bank, that looks like an URBAN bank. 
Blade:  And then there will be gangs and shootings and...
Me:  Well if that happens we'll be fine because I used to be black and hang out with gangsters and we have guns too so see, it's all good!

All because of one bank with a fancy new sign. 

Bunch of backwoods kids, I blame their father.

But I gotta be honest, I'm gonna be ticked too if they start building skyscrapers in the cornfields.  On the bright side, maybe if skyscrapers start going up then they'll put in a Taco Bell. And I just might be able to adapt if there's a Taco Bell to sweeten the deal.   

I think it's safe to say, I probably won't be visiting my adult children in their studio apartments in New York City. 

Let's hope they don't notice the brand new brick "Welcome to VM" sign welcoming people to our town.  I personally don't understand what was wrong with the handpainted piece of plywood that used to do that job.  The darn suits occupying those skyscrapers in the cornfield probably insisted on it. 

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