Thursday, November 10, 2011

Kids Say the Darndest Things Vol. 398593

I should really be writing Dakota's birthday post because tomorrow is her magic birthday...11-11-11, except she's 12,  but it's been one of those nights.  You know, the kind where the kids are driving you crazy, you think you "lost" your kid at basketball practice, panic big time, nearly puke, drive around town thinking he may be walking around in the freezing cold or lying in a ditch somewhere suffering from hypothermia,  only to discover he was right where you briefly looked the first time 20 minutes after practice ended waiting for you with his coach who undoubtedly thinks you are a totally irresponsible parent, and the kind where your husband hits a deer on his way home from already working late only to delay him further?  Oh and the kind of night where you write world's longest run on sentence and you don't even care?  Yep, it's been THAT kind of night.  I'm not winning any mother of the year awards tonight that's for sure.  No big deal though, I have a reputation (Worst Mother of the Year) to uphold. 

Anyway, I wrote this post the other day because when they aren't driving me crazy, our kids can be downright hilarious.  I'm posting this to remind me of their awesomeness because tonight?  Tonight?  Not one of their better nights but I guess we're all entitled sometimes huh?  How's that for real life mommy blogging?  Just telling it like it is, folks.  :)

*Previously recorded*

A few things I want to record, so that when the kids are grown and calling me with funny quips my grandchildren are saying, I'll pull up this post and remind them that the apple doesn't fall from the tree.

Speaking of grandchildren, have I told you that I actually have a list of potential baby names for my grandchildren? Oh yes, indeed I do. I figure I'll present it to their betrothed prior to the wedding with simple instructions that say, "My grandchildren(s) name(s) MUST be chosen from this list and if you can't commit to that then I'm sorry this isn't going to work." That's fine, right? :) But seriously, I do have a lengthy baby name list that I most certainly will be hanging on to until my babies are having babies. There are just so many great names out there and I'm certainly not going to have more children just for the naming of it (I'm no Michelle Duggar, 20?!? Seriously?!?), so this was the next best thing. And no, I'm not going to tell you the names on that list because HELLO, I'm saving them for my grandkids!

Sidenote: I'm really struggling with the fact that I'll be turning 35 in 19 months but thinking about grandkids? EXCITES me. I'm a walking contradiction.

BACK to my kids who are NOT having babies but instead are still just mere babies themselves. Big, wearing my shoes or have bigger feet than me babies, but babies nonetheless.

Last night, GI Joe was looking through Ryder's take home folder from school as we're supposed to do every night but rarely remember to do until 5 minutes before the bus arrives (admit it, we're not the only ones!),when he saw a note on Ryder's Success Chart. Their success charts are stamped each day based on their behavior, assignments completed, etc. When there is a mishap or misbehaving they lose a stamp for the day. On Ryder's success chart yesterday he lost a stamp for the following reason, "For doing pushups in the hallway." What could we do but laugh? I mean, who are we to deny him his physical fitness aspirations? Sometimes when the Spirit moves you to do pushups, you just gotta do 'em, no matter where you are. When asked about this Ryder just smiled and said, "I just felt like doing pushups since we didn't get to do any in PE." And Blade chimed in also to Ryder's defense with, "PE stinks lately, all they do is test us we don't even get to do stuff like pushups anymore." GET TO DO PUSHUPS?!? Oh yeah, they are definitely MY kids, because I'm the exact same way, POWER TO THE PUSHUPS! Or not. Of course GI Joe couldn't say it out loud but he was one proud pushup lovin' papa.

Dakota turns...gulp....swallow...gulp....12!!!! on Friday. We were planning her birthday festivities and this is that conversation.

Me: "So what do you want to do for your birthday?"
Dakota: "Oh I don't know. My friends have been wanting to come over to see the animals and eat cupcakes so I GUESS we could invite them over."
Me: "OK, that would be fun. Do you want them to spend the night?"
Dakota, horrified, looking at me as if I two heads and blue hair: "WHY WOULD I WANT TO DO THAT?!"
And scene. Again, a chip off the ol' block...or not.

Blade and Dakota have been begging GI Joe to watch a scary movie and Friday night was that night. The movie of choice was Paranormal Activity. I KNOW, judge HIM not me!! Ryder and I opted for watching Real Housewives of Beverly Hills in my bedroom, which is equally frightening but slightly less demonic. The other 2 made it all the way thru the movie, although Dakota watched the last 10 minutes with her hands over her face peeking thru her fingers. GI Joe said the Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13th movies that he watched at their ages were WAY scarier so he wasn't concerned that we'd be up all night warding kids out of our bed. Dakota's review of the movie was "Disturbing but I'm not scared." Immediately following the movie was bedtime. GI Joe was helping the boys get ready for bed when Blade said to him (all while motioning with his hands because that boy is nothing if not expressive), "So here's my DILEMMA. If I leave the light on in my room I won't be able to sleep but if I turn it off I won't be able to sleep either." Dilemma?!? Are you kidding me? Ultimately, the "dilemma" was solved by leaving the light on until he fell asleep. And surprisingly enough, we didn't hear another peep from any of them until morning. Apparently, they CAN handle their scary movies or Real Housewives as the case may be.

Another example of Blade and his stellar vocabulary, was last night at the dinner table and the case of the missing $5. Blade was sure he had a $8 stashed somewhere but when he went to get it last night there was only $3 and his $5 was missing. He suspected Dakota had taken it and was pleading his case, "Last night, I had $8 in my bank. Today only $3 and my $5 is missing. But COINCIDENTALLY, Dakota has $9 that she doesn't "remember" (and he did the air quotes, I assure you) where it came from. It's very suspicious." He's 9 and he's not even the writer/wordsmith of the family. That's Dakota. Dakota who in response to his accusations told him, "quit being so EMO." Emo? Just when I thought I was versed on pop culture and slang terms she throws "emo" at me. It's short for emotional but also encompasses melodramatic, all black wearing, sullen, kinda what we used to call Goth back in my day, in case you're wondering. As I've said before, I'm here to educate and inform you.
Happy Friday!


  1. ok, yes... i TOO have been bit by the "oh no that's the bus, quick here's your signed folder" bit. :o) maybe its a working parent thing?? i'm sure there ARE organized moms out there, I'm just not one! AND WOW, had no idea what EMO was either... i'll tell 'em all I heard it here first!

  2. Phew, glad I'm not alone!
    The whole "emo" thing was my first wake up call that I am no longer hip to what the kids are saying/doing/thinking these days. All this time I thought I was up to speed because I still felt like a teenager myself (except for the stretch marks and the chauffeur's license) but this was my wake up call. Our hip ship has sailed. ;)