Monday, September 5, 2011

Weekend Update

What a weekend.  I love 3 day weekends.  I especially love 3 day weekends when the weather is perfect (mostly), my laundry gets done,  my house stays clean for more than 2 hours at a time, and I get to bake cupcakes. 

And what better way to start out a 3 day weekend than by spending Friday doing Habitat for Humanity.  You guys, I mastered the chop saw!  I was the CUTTER.  And it felt good, real GOOD.  I may or may not be addicted to power tools, I'm just sayin'. 

And I helped build a wall.  Isn't that the most beautiful wall you've ever laid eyes on?  I know. 
You need some help with a home remodeling project?  You need a wall built?  You call me.  The girls and I will fix you right up.  Look for us on the cover of Construction Illustrated:  Girls in Hardhats Edition coming soon to a newstand near you.

Saturday, GI Joe, Blade, my Dad, and GI Joe's Dad headed to Iowa City for the first Hawkeye game of the season aka my first Saturday of being a football widow.  I love going to the games too (not because I know anything that's going on but I love the hot dogs, the atmosphere, and the people watching, oh and the Hawkeyes) but I willingly sat this one out so they could have some male bonding time and because Dakota, Ryder and I had big go see dead bodies. 
Seriously...dead bodies.  This exhibit has been at our science center for awhile now and I've been dying to see it.  Ahahahaha, I slay myself.  Teeheeheee, ok I'll stop now.  GI Joe had no desire to go see it with me but the kids all thought it sounded cool so we decided to go while they were at the game.  I thought it was fascinating with a side of weird.  The weird coming from the people on display were at one time, real LIVE people, that had donated their bodies to science to be plasticated for this exhibit.  But it was fascinating to see the inner workings of our bodies and how they're made.  Dakota was thoroughly creeped out by the whole thing but Ryder loved it. In fact, he loved it so much he bought a postcard of a plasticated body to show his class on Tuesday.  Should I be concerned?  Nah.  I was more concerned that the bodies on display were anatomically correct and a large majority of them were male.  I don't know how to say this delicately so I'm just going to say it.  Certain things don't plasticate well. Luckily, the kids didn't pay any attention to such things but I couldn't help noticing how certain parts looked like 2 little (emphasis on the little) Christmas ornaments hanging there on either side of the ahem..... ummm....candy cane?  Picture taking was not allowed or you can be sure that you would be looking at a picture of it right now.  But instead, here's a very scientific diagram I drew for you. 
We wish you a Merry Christmas....
I cannot figure out for the life of me why they didn't sell "Bodies" commemorative Christmas ornaments in the gift shop, that would've been marketing genius.  When we got back in the car after seeing the display I couldn't help but put in some Christmas music and drive immediately to the craft store to buy some shiny new Christmas balls.  Sorry, I'll stop now.  :)  Yes, I'm very mature why do you ask? 

Saturday night we watched the move "127 Hours".  Have you heard of this movie?  It's the true story of a mountain climber who goes climbing by himself (duh) and he falls in a canyon and a boulder lands on his arm.  He has very little water and other supplies but somehow manages to survive for, you guessed it, 127 hours stuck in this canyon.  At some point during that 127 hours he realizes that his only chance of survival and escape is to cut his arm off.  Spoiler alert:  HE CUTS HIS OWN ARM OFF USING A DULL POCKET KNIFE.  And now I've just saved you from having to watch what seems like an actual 127 hours to watch it for yourself.  There were many times throughout the movie where I said to GI Joe, can't they speed this up a little bit and just get to the part where he cuts his arm off and manages to claw his way out?  I'm sure that's what the guy stuck in that canyon thought too, "Hey can we just hurry this along?  Being stuck down here, having to drink my own PEE (oops, sorry another spoiler alert, you're welcome, I wish I'd been warned because EWWWWW), and eventually having to cut my arm off is just really taking way too long."  So yeah, do yourself a favor. go ahead and delete that movie out of your Netflix queue.  That's 127 hours minutes of your life you won't be able to get back.  And that's what he said.  (I'm sorry, only 17 days til The Office is back!)

While getting in the Christmas spirit, watching a guy cut his own arm off, were fun and all, the highlight of my weekend was Sunday night.  After church, we had a little get together with friends and family from church.  You know the usual, pizza, dips, cupcakes, games, and GUNS.  One of our friends Blake, just got home from a deployment in Afghanistan and being young and single, bought himself some new, super cool guns.  And he said, I COULD SHOOT THEM!!! 

Confession #1: Hi, my name is Prairie Princess and I love guns. 

Confession #2:  I am a terrible shot and scream every time I fire a gun.  But I LOVE the power that comes from holding and handling a gun. 

A group of about 15 of us walked down behind the barn where there are a bunch of trees to hang the targets in, made sure there were no horses, llamas, or mules donkeys hanging around, and got down to business.  Many took a turn firing after a quick gun safety lesson from Blake or GI Joe.  Also, I made sure to tell everyone that shot that they were required to yell, "FIRE IN THE HOLE" before they fired.  As if that stopped me from jumping every time the gun went off.  We were having a good old time until my father in law got everyone's attention and said, "You guys, this is a true story. One time my cousin got a new 22 and was firing it and everyone was standing around watching and my other cousin Dixie walked out right in front of the gun as he was firing and shot her clean through the head."  Tragic, I know.  But you have to know my father in law, no one ever knows if he's serious or not so we thought he was kidding so we kinda laughed awkwardly and thought he was crazy for randomly telling that buzzkill of a story right in the middle of our laughter and yelling "Fire in the Hole".  As it turned out he was completely serious and it was a true story.  So random and tragic obviously but sometimes those are just the things that make me giggle inappropriately and uncontrollably and that's exactly what happened.  And then instead of "Fire in the Hole!" I yelled "Remember Dixie!" when the gun was fired.  And then those around me started giggling and couldn't stop and at one point I remember someone saying when they were able to catch their breath from laughing so hard, "I don't think we should be laughing about it" but then they couldn't stop laughing either and that just made me laugh harder.  Yep, I'm the devil.  RIP Dixie and my apologies.  And to my father in law, you sure know how to liven up a party.  :)

Anyway, once we got over the shock of Dixie, it was my turn to fire. 

Hello, lover. 

This my friends, is an AR-15.  Not that I'm a gun expert or anything, I just asked GI Joe.  All I know is that it's a big gun, has a long range, and makes a really loud bang.  It's basically the same as the M16's that recruits get in boot camp and are required to name it because they want the recruits to personalize their gun.  Not personalize as in put pretty, sparkly stickers on it (although I would totally do that) but personalize as in, bond with it, become one with it, take care of it like they would take care of their own body, learn all about it, personalize.  Fun fact, when GI Joe was in boot camp, he named his M16 after me.  And when he told me that in a letter, I thought it was the most romantic, sweetest, and cheesiest thing ever.   Awww, young love.  Anyway, this is one big, bad gun.  But don't worry, I'm an expert. 
Pink shooting attire...check.
Goofy grin because I'm holding a very big, powerful, gun....check.
Shooting earmuffs so the bang isn't quite so loud....check.
Safety on while we took this picture, just in case.....check. 

But now, NOW I was ready for business.

The butt of the gun secure against my shoulder so I don't get a giant bruise when it kicks back...check.
Front knee bent in proper shooter's stance....check.
Matching shoes to my pink sweatshirt...check. 
"FIRE IN THE HOLE!".....check.
REALLY LOUD BANG FOLLOWED BY A REALLY LOUD SCREAM (mine, not to worry, there were no Dixie incidents)....check and check. 

It was such a rush.  All I was aiming at was a tiny 8" x 8" square target hung in the tree and it's not like I even came close to hitting it but, just firing that bad boy...WOO.  IT doesn't really matter if I hit the target or not because it's not like I could ever shoot at any THING (ex:  deer, rabbit, stranger breaking into my house, ok maybe on that one...) but just firing it is enough for me. 

I like big guns and I cannot lie.  Them other mothers can't deny.  I'm hooked and I can't stop shooting. 

You might be a redneck girl if you find firing big guns absolutely exhilarating and revamp rap hits from the early 90's to tell about it. 

But then Blake also had this adorable, little gun.  Yes, I'm pretty sure I heard he and GI Joe describe it exactly that way when they were talking about it "Hey GI Joe, wanna see this adorable little handgun I got?  It's really cute.  I think the chicks are really gonna dig it." 
"Oh yeah, that is just PRECIOUS.  Oh and it' so lightweight too.  So pretty."
OK, maybe not exactly like that. 
But it really is adorable, and precious, and soo cute.  I just wish it came in pink. 

Looks can be deceiving because this little girl (the gun, not me) is still one lean, mean shooting machine.  Believe it or not, she had a really loud bang too.  I felt like one of Charlie's Angels with this one.  When we reviewed the target after I fired this gun, there was a bullethole right through the middle of the target.  Not to brag, but I'm pretty sure it was my shot that did it, even though GI Joe will tell you that he'd hit it long before I shot.  Whatever, don't listen to him, he names his guns after GIRLS, clearly he can't be trusted. 

So that was my weekend...power tools, guns, dead bodies, and bad movies, in other words, perfection. How was yours?!? 

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