Saturday, February 20, 2010

Real Things

I like real things…… like Joe Nichols in concert on a Thursday night. For those of you not familiar with country music, Joe is a handsome artist with a unique old school country sounding voice and a list of hit songs including, “Another Side of You”, “The Impossible”, “Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off” (don’t worry no tequila was consumed by anyone in my party.), “Real Things” (does the title make sense now?), “I’ll Wait for You” and a whole slew of other ones.

GI Joe is not much of a concert goer unless it’s one of his top 4 faves, meaning one of the 4 that has permanent occupancy in his truck’s CD changer. One of the many ways we differ. Unfortunately, Joe is not among his top 4 so he stayed home with the kids while I pretended I was an irresponsible, carefree, girl and went with my homies; Annette, Doug, Jerry, Kathy, McDreamy. A couple important fun facts: 1) Joe Nichols IS one of Doug’s top 3 faves so he was comparable to Annette and I at an NKOTB show except he just loves the music and doesn't gush about how cute Joe is and have to strip off clothing when he comes out on stage because well, because he's hot or scream and nearly faint every time Joe looked his direction. Not that Annette and I ever do either of those things. 2) This was McDreamy’s first country concert with us and we broke him in right.

Opening for Joe, was Iowa’s own (sadly) wanna be country music star, Jason “The Clown” Brown. OK, maybe we added the Clown part. I’m not sure if I can express our (and by our I mean mainly Annette and I’s) deep dislike of this guy. Little background: He thinks he’s a huge country star. He is NOT. He still lives in Iowa, not Nashville. Pretty sure I've been in Nashville more than he has in the past year and I hardly consider myself a country star because of it. Iowa is great and all but we’re not exactly known for our music row or our country music legends. Also, he talks with this hugely fake Southern accent. He has always lived in Iowa with the exception of a little time spent in Texas, and by little I mean a couple summers or something like that, I could only handle reading so much of his bio. Not enough to gain a life long deep southern drawl. He’s a scumbag. We’ve witnessed and even been subjected to his very inappropriate behavior for a married man with 2 young children, towards those with, let’s see how can I put this delicately?, ummmtatas. His songs are annoying and sometimes I think our local radio stations feel sorry for him so they play them a little too much for our liking. And lastly, he wears guyliner. A country singer wearing guyliner? ‘Nuff said.

Anyway, usually if we’re at a concert that he is opening for we either go late or if we have to be there to ensure we have our standard close to the stage proximity for the main act, we tend to plug our ears and chant “Down with the Clown” while he’s playing, until we get dirty looks from those around us, who apparently have either had too much to drink or are related to him. I’m sorry, he’s just THAT bad.

We timed it so we would only have to be there for about 15 minutes of his set or whatever you would call what he was trying to do. We hung out towards the back of the venue where we couldn’t really see him and could converse amongst ourselves instead of listening to his attempt at music. During this time, Jerry tried to spike my Diet Coke. Thanks Annette for watching out for me and for making sure I wouldn’t be the girl whose clothes were falling off later in the evening. Sidenote: Jerry didn’t really spike my Diet Coke, but he did think about it until Annette busted him. What is it about getting a good Baptist girl liquored up that seems so appealing? :)

Once the clown finished, Doug was getting antsy to secure our spot closer to the stage so we started our trek inward. Annette and I, through our many concert experiences, have perfected the art of getting close. Look for an opening, press thru the crowd (nicely) to get to it, seek another closer opening, repeat, and before you know it you’re nice and close. The spot we secured even came with its own set of crazies. A few highlights from the crazies who were directly in front of us, keep in mind that these were not young kids these were grown adults probably in their late 40’s to mid 50’s: 1) one of the guys in the group kept turning around and lifting up his shirt to us exposing his less than chiseled abs and chest…ewww. 2) one of the other guys in the group thought it was really funny to wave his hand in front of my camera every time I went to take a picture…Annette told him “Oh uh uh” so many times I lost track. 3) Pretty sure they thought Joe Nichols was Blake Shelton because they kept saying things like, “This is my favorite Blake Shelton song” or “I told you Blake Shelton sang this song.” Ummm yeah, wrong guy people, look at your ticket. 4) At one point, the whole group of them turned around, posed, and one of the women said to Annette and I, “TAKE OUR PICTURE!!!!” OK, yeah because I’m going to frame that one of the concert crazies. Not so much, so I just pretended to take it and instead have a picture of the stage lights. 5) While Joe was singing some of his slower, more emotional ballads such as “I’ll Wait for You” the crazies were carrying on a casual conversation about what they did at work today or the weather or IT DOESN’T EVEN MATTER WE JUST WANTED THEM TO STOP TALKING. Doug is a very even keeled gentleman but I seriously thought he was going to go all Jack Bauer on them.
This is Joe Nichols NOT Blake Shelton. Although we do love Blake Shelton as well.

Joe put on an amazing show and we had a blast.
Then at the end Joe said the magic words, “I’ll be signing autographs at the merchandise table after the show. Stop by and see me!” You should’ve seen the way Doug, Annette, and I’s eyes simultaneously lit up. We were all prepared to go hang out by the buses to get our facetime in but Joe just went ahead and made it easy for us. By the time Joe finished his sentence, we’d already worked our way through the crowd and were right by the merchandise table. Props to McDreamy for keeping up since this was his first time seeing us in action, it's not easy being a groupie. Jerry befriended every security guard manning the area and we tried to shield the boys’ eyes from the hussies in sundresses (in February) standing at the railing in the balcony above us exposing their huhots...seriously. We waited and waited until finally Joe walked out. He stopped and signed an autograph for a couple people before us but then his security people pushed him right past us to get him to his table where people were lined up to buy merchandise and have him sign stuff. Jerry had a bit of a diva moment and was done, said Joe missed his opportunity to meet him…. blah, blah blah. Given that this was McDreamy’s first country concert with us, he wasn’t so much into the autograph thing so he and Jerry went and sat down while Annette, Doug and I got in the fairly short line for autographs and a picture with Joe. We each got to have him sign something and had our picture with him. He was so nice and genuine. Price of concert ticket $12, virgin Diet Coke during show $2, look on Doug’s face after he got to meet one of his all time favorite singers? Priceless.

As we were walking out this twenty something kid in a wheelchair who was obviously quite inebriated stopped us and kept asking us to take his friend’s picture and then send it to him on Facebook. What is it with complete strangers wanting us to take their pictures and then apparently adding them as friends on Facebook? His friend was all sprawled out on some chairs, obviously intoxicated as well. For some reason this struck the wheelchair kid as very funny that his friend wasn’t very mobile. Annette said to him and I kid you not, “Why don’t you just give him a ride in your wheelchair?” Do you see why I love her so?

I’m going to leave you with this song that Joe Nichols wrote about me. I don’t remember ever dating him but I must’ve because a more fitting song has never been written.


  1. Love it my friend! You didn't miss a thing! What a great night!

  2. Im speechless.........