I've finally simmered down enough about my White Trash Bash experience to begin blogging logically again. Please excuse my random rants and ravings, it's how I roll. Apparently, I revealed a side of the Prairie Princess that frightened some of you and for that I apologize, but it's who I am. Thankfully, the scary, mean PP doesn't come out very often. Consider yourself warned though. :)
I will now resume my regular rant-free blogging. I wish I could say rodent free blogging but unfortunately that's not the case...
We celebrated the 4th of July at our friends', Annette & Jerry's house, along with all of their family and a lot of our other friends. All was well until the demon children, I mean GI Joe's kids discovered a field mouse stuck in a basement window well. Dakota the Explorer decided to help "rescue" it from the window well as it appeared to have fallen in and couldn't get out. But her brother, Bucifer, I mean Blade, thought it would be fun to pick up the mouse by the tail and bring it to the driveway where everyone was sitting around chatting. Fun fact about me...I HATE MICE! I was sitting on the opposite side of the circle from where Blade was and immediately started getting the heebie jeebies as he was showing everyone else. He got the typical, adult like responses from the others there, "yuck where did you find it?" or "how did you catch a mouse?". I was coping okay since he was a safe distance from me UNTIL my ever so loving husband said to Blade, "why don't you show Mommy?", knowing full well that I had already seen the stupid thing and was already considering running for safety. The moment he said that Blade's eyes LIT UP and you could see the mischief forming in his young mind. THEN he came running towards me holding that disgusting, beady eyed varmint by the tail, and I, being the cool, calm, collected farm girl that I am TOOK OFF RUNNING AND SCREAMING DOWN THE CUL DE SAC!!! I was running towards GI Joe's truck so I could lock myself in until my children (oh yeah Dakota and Ryder joined in the fun) grew bored of torturing their mother EXCEPT IT WAS LOCKED! The jury is out on whether or not GI Joe hit the button to lock it as I was running towards it because he's just THAT mean and wrong, or it was locked all along...I have my theories. Let me just say at this point, there were approximately 30 people (some I know well and some I'd just met that day) standing in Annette & Jerry's driveway watching this all go down and laughing hysterically. There might've even been a few of the neighbors that came out to see what all the ruckus was about, I was too worried about saving my own life to notice. But not ONE of the many bystanders offered any support or help, thanks guys, thanks alot, love you too. By the time I reached GI Joe's truck the kids were right behind me, enjoying themselves quite immensely and STILL holding that stupid mouse. I was on one side of the truck, begging and pleading with them to have mercy on their poor mother and to take the mouse far, far away from me. Then by some stroke of luck or an act of God, Blade dropped the mouse, providing me with a window of opportunity to escape. I made a run for it back up towards the house figuring I'd lock myself in the bathroom until the mouse was long gone. The kids caught the mouse AGAIN but when they started back towards the house, their father GI Joe finally decided to act responsibly and tell them to put it down. Wow, great timing there GI Joe and wise move for the sake of your marriage. It was a good thing I was able to stop running because I was near cardiac arrest. Sidenote: I DON'T run. While I was usiing the paddles of life on myself, GI Joe and some other guys were helping the kids release the mouse into the wild and the mouse bit Blade on the hand. I was less than sympathetic and all, "huh too bad, that's what you get for doing that to your mother" while members of Jerry's family were already creating Blade's treatment plan for rabies. They were very concerned about Blade contracting rabies from the field mouse and telling me I needed to call the doctor on Monday to get him in for a rabies shot. Judge me if you want but the whole time I was thinking, "SCORE if he has to get a shot then that will definitely teach him to pick up rodents and scare his mother with them." Before you call DHS, please note that Blade wasn't even complaining about the bite hurting, I think he thought it was cool, and also I did call the doctor's office today and no shot is needed as field mice usually don't carry rabies and we would've known if it did...so there. :)
Other highlights of our 4th of July that did not involve rodents:
*Jerry explaining to his elderly mother a hand sign that kids do these days that means something very vulgar and bad. She asked. Truth be told, I had to google it on my phone because I didn't know either. SO WRONG and no, I'm not telling you what it is.
*My children telling Annette to turn down the music because we were playing the New Kids CD and having a dance party in the driveway with our fellow NKOTB fans (heeey Lexi, Brooke, & Molly!). And then in an act of utter defiance, Blade looked right at her and told her "Donnie sucks." And with that I relinquished my parental rights. How can I be a mother to children who would say such things about New Kids?
*The full on fireworks war that we WON against the other houses in the neighborhood. The house behind them started shooting off a few fireworks which prompted Jerry & his brother in law to start their display, and they are nearly pyrotechnic professionals so clearly our display was SOOOO much better than the other houses. Every time another house in the development would shoot off a firework, the crowd at our party would "boo" or yell things like "is that all you got?" and then Jerry would launch an even bigger and better firework and we'd carry on like he'd just cured cancer. We are a very mature group, obviously. But seriously, our fireworks were so much prettier than everyone else's. I think the small town near them might've cancelled their display after they saw Jerry's work and realized theirs would be an embarrassment compared to it.
*Jerry's mom. I want to be just like her when I grow up and am in my 60's and 70's. Her children cringe when she meets new people because no one ever knows what she's going to say. Personally, I LOVED it. Within 5 minutes of meeting GI Joe & I for the first time she told us she'd heard we were "good Baptist people" and "why don't we take Doug (our single friend) to church with us to meet a nice Baptist girl?" Awesome. Later in the evening, she basically told Doug & I that Annette & Jerry's friends (US) were fat, lazy slobs. She was telling us that Jerry's sister and husband are really into working out and even have a group of friends that get together and work out with them, and Jerry & Annette just eat wings with their friends. PRICELESS. In her defense, she had just seen me attempt to run, she may have a point. Man, I love that woman.
*McDreamy getting schooled in basketball by the Koons kids. He'd probably have a different story but I just call it like I see it. At one point while they were playing, Blade looked at him and said, "Can I just call you McDreamy?" If that's not trash talking, I don't know what is.
*Was subjected to Jerry playing some old school country music, including Roger Miller? and singing every word to us until 1950 called and asked for their music back.
All in all, with the exception of the Mouse Madness it was a fantastic 4th of July. Thanks Jer & Annette for being the hostesses with the mostest. I'll go ahead and RSVP for next year now..wouldn't miss it!
Bleak But Beautiful by The Pioneer Woman
22 hours ago