This Isn't Over..Carhartt Letter #3

Dear Carhartt,

Hi! So umm, remember that one time at band camp when I sent you a letter THREE YEARS AGO with a brilliant design idea complete with picture (Exhibit A: http://www.hillbillyhilarity.blogspot.com/2009/01/to-whom-it-may-concern.html) asking you, no, BEGGING you to make a line of pretty pink Carhartts? And remember how you ignored me? And remember how I called you and spoke with a lovely Customer Service Representative (Exhibit B: http://www.hillbillyhilarity.blogspot.com/2009_02_01_archive.html) who assured me I would hear from you because "they always respond, usually within 2-3 weeks"? And remember how I DIDN'T HEAR FROM YOU?!? Oh and then remember the time, A YEAR AGO, that I sent you yet another cry for pink Carhartt help? (Exhibit C: http://www.hillbillyhilarity.blogspot.com/2011/02/plea-for-pink-carhartts-part-2.html). And last but not least, remember the time that you PLAGIARIZED MY IDEA AND MADE PRETTY PINK CARHARTTS IN OCTOBER OF THIS YEAR UNDER THE GUISE OF BREAST CANCER AWARENESS?!?!?

Ringing a bell yet?

So here's the thing Carhartt. As you can see by the evidence provided above, I have been on the quest for pink Carhartts for a very long time. I have scouts in all areas of the country who are constantly on the look out for pink Carhartts or a worthy substitute (ex: Dickies) because they know the needs and desires of my heart. Imagine my surprise, delight, and utter disgust when I received a call from a "scout" in Tennessee advising me that she had just come across a set of bubble gum pink Carhartt coveralls AND coat! How could this be? My idea implemented by you with nary a response to my numerous communications? So original of you to put the whole Breast Cancer spin on it but I know the truth.

I was then faced with a moral dilemma. The dilemma being I was spitting mad at you, Carhartt, so I certainly didn't want to have to PAY for what was my brainchild to begin with, but on the other hand my bulky, manly navy blue coveralls that I was still wearing 15 years later, had lost their luster and definitely needed replaced and the shade of pink of the new Carhartt line was absolute perfection. Good job on that, not that you had any input or suggestions or anything from your loyal customers...AHEM. I had decided I was not going to buy them because I tend to hold a grudge and could not get over the fact that you used my idea without even so much as a "thank you for your suggestion we'll keep it in mind" letter. But my husband knows me well and he bought the overalls and the hooded coat for me for Christmas, because he knew how long I've dreamed of pink Carhartts. But he, the husband of the original creator of the infamous pink Carhartts aka yours truly, had a lot of trouble finding them because as he was told by several stores "the pink line flew off the racks, they're out of them everywhere". Well, would you look at that Carhartt, I wasn't going to say it but I have to...I TOLD YOU SO. Anyway, he searched far and wide and procured the overalls at a Tractor Supply Store 30 minutes away but went online to order the coat. On Christmas morning when I opened the packages I realized that the coat did not match the overalls. The coat was more of a coral, a watermelonesque shade of pink, while the overalls were the "perfect pink". The watermelon color was ok but not the color of my pink Carhartt dreams and they didn't match and hello, have you met me? I could not, would not, wear clashing shades of Carhartt pink. He felt horrible and immediately went online to find the right coat in the right shade of pink and everywhere was sold out. The day after Christmas we visited and called approximately 8 Tractor Supply Stores only to be told that they'd been out since the week they came in, and that "people LOVE that PINK Carhartt line". Oh really?!? How surprising...NOT. In a last ditch attempt, we called a Tractor Supply Store, an hour and a half away where I knew I had a scout ready to go out on pick up duty if need be, and they had ONE lonely pink coat left...in medium without a hood. I would've preferred large so as to be able to accommodate the 17 layers I sometimes put on under my coat and I really wanted a hooded one but it was either medium no hood without a hood or back to my boring, old, raggedy navy ones. We quickly paid for it and arranged for my scout to pick it up. My husband sent the watermelonesque pink one back and I finally had my complete set of  pink Carhartts. But by this time I was even more upset with you, because not only was my idea used without me knowing, but I, THE INVENTOR of the pink Carhartt awesomeness, had to search high and low to even own a pair. Something is not right about this, Carhartt.

But I have to tell you it was all worth it because I look GOOOOOOOOD in my PINK Carhartts, thankyouverymuch.  Exhibit D:

I love these, I really do.  They are exactly what I envisioned when I wrote you the initial letter 3 years ago.  Way to nail that.  And because they're rough and tough but girly and lovely, I feel like a regular country Superwoman when I'm wearing them.  Added bonus. 

As the mind behind the design, I only ask 3 things of you, Carhartt.  One for each year you've ignored me:

1) That you acknowledge and respond to this letter.  Would it really be too much to ask that you thank me for my genius idea that you've profited from greatly?  No, no it would not.  And in the slight chance that this idea was not, in fact, my idea (AS IF) just tell me that and thank me for my undying support and love of your product.  And throw in this super cute, matching pink and brown striped Carhartt stocking hat that I cannot find available to purchase ANYWHERE.  I NEED this to complete my look. 

2)  I still want the hooded jacket,  so if you could hook me up with that, you know, in exchange for my freelance design services, it would be appreciated.  Large, please.  Mmmkay, thanks. 

3)  I would like the color to be named "Prairie Princess Pink" in my honor.  It can still be for Breast Cancer but I think it's the least you can do, in addition to my letter of acknowledgment, my pink/brown stocking hat, and my pink hooded jacket.  And as an added bonus, I'll be your spokeswoman!  Will work for free Carhartts.  An offer you can't (and really shouldn't) refuse. Have your people call my people to work out the deets. 

I look forward to hearing from you, SOON.  In the meantime, I'll continue to be the envy of all the neighbors while I'm out doing chores in my gorgeous, PRAIRIE PRINCESS PINK Carhartts.  Thank you for realizing my Carhartt dreams even if I'm the one who gave you the idea in the first place.


Pink Power Forever,
Prairie Princess

This is NOT a Figment of Your Imagination

Oh hey there, remember me, the girl who used to blog here more than once a month?  How have you been?!?  We have some catching up to do.  Here's a list of blog posts I have in the works and hope to have scheduled to post by the end of this weekend:  My letter to Carhartt, Christmas in January, my run-in with a deer (pun totally intended), and our Llama Drama.  We're in the midst of a winter storm so it may actually happen because you know, blogging beats organizing a closet or watching WWE, which are my other entertainment options.  

And now I've completely drawn a blank as to what to blog about.  Maybe blogging isn't like riding a bike after all. 

*You need to try this makeup tip called tightlining, if you're a girl reader that is.  Guyliner not allowed on my watch, sorry guys.  It really works and is easy once you get the hang of it and past the poking yourself one or twenty times part, not that I did that I just heard of someone else doing it. 

*I went to my first Zumba class the other day...with other people.  And the other people were all ladies in their 50's and above.  It was awesome.  And I had to let them all know that even though it may have appeared that I was having a seizure that was just me trying to get in touch with my Latino side as regardless of how black I thought I was ('92-'94) I still ain't got no rhythm.  I want to be JLo.  I am not JLo and that makes me sad.  Anyway, the class was a blast and I made all the old ladies feel much better the next day when I had to admit to them that yes, I was very sore too.  To which they replied, "OH good and you're SO much younger that makes me feel better about a little soreness today!"  Yeah, really made my day too. 

*Speaking of Zumba, we bought Zumba for the Wii too because if I'm going to have the moves like JLo, it's going to take more than one class a week.  Besides it's a great way to exercise without actually feeling like you're exercising, until the next day when you can't laugh without wincing in pain.  Somehow I convinced GI Joe to do it with me the other night.  Highlight of my week.  Between the zumba and the laughing I did watching him, my abs are on their way to being of steel.  I wish I had video of it.  After it was over, and he scored more points than I did (sadly), he declared, "I don't think Zumba is for guysI"  I disagree because that was the best entertainment I'd seen in awhile.

*I had a brief scare with thyroid cancer and/or herpes of the ear this week.  I woke up on Friday morning and my ear down the back of my throat hurt, like it was filled with canker sores.  It was miserable.  So I did what any responsible patient would do and put my symptoms into Web M.D.  It gave me a list of about 17 possible diagnoses but my favorites on the list were Thyroid Cancer and Shingles or Herpes of the Ear.  Nowhere on there did it say it could just be a virus.  I was thinking sinus infection or ear infection but whatever you say Web MD.  Since it was Friday and if it was something that could be treated with an antibiotic I wanted to get on that before the weekend so I wouldn't spend the weekend being in pain and sick.  I called my doctor's office to make an appointment and when she asked what I needed to be seen for I said, "I've got some pain in my ear that goes down the back of my throat and my head on the side that my ear/throat is bothering me is very sensitive.  I was thinking maybe it was sinus infection but according to Web MD it's probably thyroid cancer or herpes of the ear, so I thought I should come in before the weekend."
*Crickets*
"Uh ok, does 3:20 work?" she asked.
"Yes.  Web MD is always right, right?"
"Umm, well...." I could just see her marking a big red CRAZY X next to my name in the appointment book.
"One time I diagnosed my husband as having a gallstone and/or a heart attack via Web MD and it turned out to be a dislocated rib so maybe it's not right all the time."
"Uhhh yeah not always, in fact hardly ever," she still didn't know whether or not I was seriously a nutcase.
"Gotta love Web MD, huh?  I'm guessing it MIGHT be wrong," and then to let her know I was not a complete Fruit Loop I started laughing, which may have served to let her know I was kidding OR make her think that I was completely maniacal.
"Yeah, gotta love it.  See you at 3:20," she quickly hung up so she could go to the nurses lounge and tell all about the crazy girl who thought she had herpes of the ear.
When I got to my appointment, it took every ounce of restraint in me to not loudly announce at the reception desk for everyone in the waiting room to hear, "I'M HERE FOR MY 3:2O APPOINTMENT, REMEMBER I'M THE GIRL WITH THE EAR HERPES?!?"  And then sit down right next to an unsuspecting patient and lean over to them and say, "Don't worry it's only contagious if you stick your tongue in my ear."
I mean, can you even imagine?  Best. Doctor's. Visit. EVER.  As it turns out, it's NOT thyroid cancer OR ear herpes, but just a virus.  But both my doctor and nurse got a good chuckle when I told them what Web MD thought it was.  Apparently, they get that a lot but they told me that Web MD doesn't have a diagnosis simply called "a virus" which 99% of the time is what it turns out to be.  Darn, and I thought I was well on my way to a career in the medical field, even though I couldn't pass college chemistry.  

*Blade turned 10 on Wednesday which means we are official members of the "2 KIDS IN DOUBLE DIGITS CLUB".  And that kinda makes me want to hurl.  How is he 10?!?  His birthday demands included chocolate chip cookie dough cupcakes, pancakes & sausage for brinner, a family outing to Zombie Burger, and a boys get together next Saturday for some of his friends from school to go see a movie and eat Mexican food.   So basically his birthday has turned into a week and a half event.  Honestly, these kids and their birthday weeks turning into months.  Also, TEN?!?  Not possible.  Let's take a moment and reflect on the sweetness that was/is Blade.  I die. 

No, he's not special needs, he's just a goofball. 

See?  Totally normal, what with streamers on his head and all.  Also, please note GI Joe's beard.  Between Christmas Eve and January 2nd, he didn't have to shave.  That hasn't happened in umm, well ever, you know since the Army likes you to shave daily and stuff.  He's never had that much time off at one shot (in the winter) that he hasn't had to shave.  It was kind of hot.  I miss the beard.

*I gave up soda/pop/whatever you call that caffeinated aspartame laden fizzy drink as of January 1st.  I have been a one can of Diet Dew a day drinker forever, with slightly more on the weekends and such so it's not like I was a first class addict, but I've just read so much about how bad it is for you and how just dropping it can help you shed a few pounds so thought I'd do it. Last summer I had stopped drinking it except for maybe one a week,but you know how it gets around Christmas where all food/drink inhibitions are thrown to the wind and you figure you'll just start over on New Year's so I had gotten back on the Diet Dew bandwagon. But now I'm off again and haven't had any since December 31st.  I'm drinking about 80 oz of water a day, sparkling fruit flavored waters, Low Calorie Fuzes, my morning coffee (my caffeine for the day, for the sake of those around me), and decaf iced tea.  But the other day I had about 4 swigs of GI Joe's Diet Mountain Dew and first of all, it didn't taste good at all and it burned my throat.  This was 2:00 in the afternoon and I'm not kidding I slept like crap that night.  Also, it gave me a sore in my mouth.  Hi, my name is Prairie Princess and I'm EIGHTY.  What has happened to me? 

*In closing, I need to show you my new favorite outfit. 

PINK Carhartts, baby!  Supposedly, they were made especially in October for Breast Cancer Awareness and GI Joe knowing my obsession with pink Carhartts bought these for me for Christmas.  While I love them deeply, I'm more than a LITTLE irritated with Carhartt for PLAGERIZING my design idea that I sent them for the first time THREE YEARS AGO.  Which is why I'm working on a little "love" letter to them regarding this situation.  Stay tuned, it's gonna be a good one.  They have no idea who they're up against.  And yes, that's Hormel the Hog behind me.  You know, the hog we bought to raise and butcher.  The one who is still alive and well and if GI Joe doesn't carry out her "destiny" soon it's never gonna happen because I will start dressing her in tutus and teaching her tricks.  I've held out this long and refrained from attachment but I'm only human, I don't know how much more I can take. 

*And one more thing, this blog turned THREE YEARS OLD on January 8th.  Whaaaaat?  That just blows my mind.  If you haven't been here from the beginning, you should go back and read some of those, there's a lot to choose from since I blogged *slightly* more regularly than I do and there's some funny stuff in there.  Like THIS and THIS and oh help us, THIS, and definitely can't forget THIS.  Good times, all of it.  Thanks for reading along as I try to record some of the crazy, funny, ridiculous stuff that happens around here.  There's more where that came from!

P.S.  You're welcome, Heather.  :)

Insomnia, Banana Pudding & Movies

I woke up at 4 today, as in 4 in the AM, to the smell of our house burning down. Of course this alarmed me so I got up and lo and behold (and thankfully) the house was NOT on fire. But the burning smell I smelled was coming from the lovely concoction of spices and orange rinds in water that I had simmering on the stove...all night long. Oops. Gone was the homey, cozy, smell of cloves and cinnamon and citrus and in it's place the smell of burnt orange peels which bordered more on the side of disgusting than cozy. I do that sometimes, not the leave the stove on all night, well that too, but put some water in a saucepan and add in leftover orange rinds or apples and spices and let it simmer. It makes the house smell delicious and also puts some humidity into the otherwise dry winter Iowa air. Try it sometime, it's fun, just remember to turn it off when you leave or go to bed. This has been a public service announcement, you're welcome.



Once I put out the alleged fire aka turned off the stove, I went back to bed but instead of going right back to sleep I was wide awake. My mind was racing and all I could think is "I should get up and blog..or read that new book I started...or do laundry..or...clean the bathroom...or...." Wait, what is happening, am I really thinking about getting up and being productive at 4:10 IN THE MORNING?!?!? It's like I don't even know who I am anymore.


After much internal debate, I decided to get up and do something because it was obvious at that point there was no going back to sleep. I thought I'd have a good hour til I had to start getting ready for work and was so excited to use my "free time". Except that I must've internally debated longer than I thought because when I stumbled to the kitchen to start the coffee (4am wakeup=coffee ASAP) it was 5:15, my normal wakeup time. Plan failed. Oh well, while laying there debating I basically wrote this blog post so win...I think. You be the judge.

Some things that were keeping me awake that I feel like I MUST TELL YOU are as follows:

*No matter how tacky and outdated it is, I do plan on doing a National LamKoons Christmas Vacation blog post. It may be February but it must be documented, it was fabulous. And I think by now you should know, I dance to the beat of my own drummer or write posts 2 months after the event happened, whichever. Speaking of outdated posts, yesterday I came across a half written Halloween recap. Uggh, and it was a good one too. I'm so mad at myself for not posting it in a timely manner, like in say, December.  I can't say with certainty that I still won't post it, maybe after the Christmas post because you know, that makes sense.

*A couple weeks ago Man Vs. Food had world's best banana pudding and then the very next day banana pudding was once again mentioned on a blog I read, and those 2 events caused me to think nonstop about making southern style banana pudding. That is how my mind works, a seed is planted and then I obsess about it until it comes to fruition. Sidenote: I've never been a banana pudding fan, I like bananas but I think it was the Nilla wafers that turned me off to it. This could also be that it was always "northerner" banana pudding, instant banana pudding, sliced bananas, cool whip and nilla wafers. In fact, I can't tell you the last time I'd had banana pudding but suddenly I was obsessed with making it, the right way. The power of suggestion works well on me, I'm basically an advertiser's dream girl. After an extensive internet search, I decided to go with Miss Paula Deen's Banana Pudding recipe as seen here. If anyone knows southern food it'd be her so I trusted her. You guys? This was AMAZING. I should've photographed it because not only did it taste delicious but it looked fancy too.  I wanted to take a bath in it. It made a 9x13 pan and the 5 of us polished that pan off within 24 hours and we're not even dessert people. Even if you think you don't like banana pudding, give this a try, I only used 2-3 bananas instead of the 6-8 it called for and I think you could even get by without any bananas if you wanted. It's all about the pudding anyway, oh the pudding. And I love that the Nilla wafers got the boot for something more sophisticated and delicious. And now my mouth is watering, great. 

Besides eating copious amounts of banana pudding, we saw a lot of movies over the holidays and I feel it's my civic duty to share with you my reviews.


"The Muppets"-seriously. Since they first saw the trailer for this last summer, GI Joe and the kids had been counting down days to this movie. Yes, GI Joe, he loves the Muppets and made it his goal in life to pass that love on to his children. He's a walking mystery, that guy. Anyway, the movie was sweet and cute and had that level of absurdity that you expect from a Muppets movie. My favorite character is Miss Piggy (for obvious reasons, one being that according to my family our personalities are strikingly similar) also her hair was phenomenal in this movie. In fact, I loved it so much that when I had a hair appointment for highlights with my Smom the week after the movie, I told her to make me Miss Piggy blonde. Hair color inspired by Miss Piggy? Yes please. Speaking of my Smom and the Muppets, funny story. The weekend we went to see the Muppets, my sister Heidi and her family were in town, and my Dad, Smom and other sister Brandy had planned to come over from Council Bluffs to go to the movie with us. They were to meet us at the theater. Our families got to the theater, bought our tickets, and got situated in the theater and were waiting for Dad, Smom and Brandy. GI Joe waited in the lobby for them and was texting back and forth with them to get an ETA. They didn't show and didn't show even though they had told GI Joe they were pulling into the parking lot, etc, etc. Eventually, GI Joe and my Smom put two and two together and realized they were at the WRONG THEATER! They'd already bought their tickets and movies at both theaters were just starting so the 3 of them, Dad and Smom in their 50's and sister Brandy in her 20's, sat thru the Muppets movie all by their lonesome sans kids. Can you imagine what the other moviegoers (with their children) in their theater thought? "Pedophiles" or "Oh how nice they took their special needs child out to a movie" (she's not actually special needs but why else would parents be taking their 28 year old daughter to the Muppets movie?), it still makes me giggle.



*"Chipwrecked"-I never claimed that we had sophisticated tastes in movies. We loved the first two Chipmunks movies. In them, the music was awesome (I bought the soundtracks!) and the writing was hilarious. This one was just ok. I didn't think there was enough music, I definitely won't be buying the soundtrack, and it didn't have as many great quotable lines like the last two. Whaaaat, you don't quote Chipmunks in your house? Have you never met "the Looooooooove doctor?"

*"We Bought a Zoo"-When I saw the previews and movie posters for this movie I thought it was basically made for me. I mean, zebras? A zoo? Someone who has no idea what they're doing with the aforementioned zoo? Fughettaboutit. It was a good movie with a solid, heartwarming plot BUT I wanted to see a little more of the animals and a lot less forced romance between a 13 & 14 YEAR OLD. While it was total G rated romance, (they used the "L" word and hugged) that whole storyline was awkward and weird. Also, about those zebras shown on every movie poster plastered in the theater? FALSE ADVERTISING. You only see a glimpse of a whole zebra and then their feet one other time. So if you're going to see this movie for the animals, rent Zookeeper instead. But if you're going to see a heartwarming story wherein buying an abandoned zoo helps a family heal, go for it. 3.5 stars. Final answer.

Wow, that was quite a post I wrote...in my head...at 4am. I have much more to talk to you about but this is a start. Talk amongst yourselves and to me, what movies have you seen lately? Also, what are your thoughts on banana pudding? These are the pressing questions that keep me awake at night, or 4am. That and the smell of burnt orange peels.

What's In Your Washer?

I abhor laundry, I really do.  Except for the putting stuff in the washer and then switching it to the dryer and the smells of laundry soap, those parts I enjoy.  But the folding and putting away?  Fughettaboutit.  But lately, as in for about the past 8 years lately, the laundry is like a scavenger hunt or a box of chocolates, you just never know what you're gonna get.

I've found some very interesting things when I switch a load over from the washer to the dryer.  Take for example, THE ONCE-LIVE FROG I found one summer's day or the apple slices or the BANANA PEEL.  These kids?  Apparently, they have magician's pockets.

But tonight, I hit the motherlode.  Tonight I found the following, that's right ALL of this:  a fishing lure (ummm we haven't exactly been fishing lately so either this lure has been snagged in a pants pocket since summer and survived many washes or someone was trying a little ice fishing sans the ice),   an M&M's candy wrapper (at least it wasn't a full one...THIS time), a nickel (my payment, i'm totally underpaid), a plastic frog (I was almost happy to see a PLASTIC one instead of the real thing), a DS game (surprisingly, it still works), a bullet casing (GI Joe got a new gun and was doing some target practice but he claims it was Ryder collecting the casings not him..uh huh sure), and finally...a SPOON.  Because who doesn't walk around with a spoon in their pocket?  You know, just in case you find yourself in an emergency yogurt situation. 

Yeah, I probably should check pants pockets before putting them in the wash but who has time for that?!?!? 

Your turn, what's the weirdest thing you've found in your washer or dryer?  Speaking of odd things in dryers, have I ever told you about the time I *accidentally* dried GI Joe's (ancient) cat that he'd had since before long before I was in the picture?  Oops, still haven't lived that one down.  In my defense, she jumped in there herself when I went to answer the phone AND was only in there for half a cycle until I realized that the thumping I kept hearing was not the straps on my shortalls (do you remember the days of the shortalls? those were dark fashion times) and opened the door to discover a very dazed cat who was now missing a few teeth staring back at me. She survived but oddly enough, was never the same.  And GI Joe?  It's a long road to forgiveness he's had to travel on but he's getting there.  But he still reserves the right to bring it up randomly in conversation, "Hey, remember that one time YOU DRIED MY CAT?!?"

Time to move on dude, and while you're at it TAKE THE BULLET CASINGS OUT OF YOUR POCKETS!!!

2011: Year in Review

For the last post of 2011, I'm totally cheating and not writing an original post which is fitting considering my blogging incompetence this year, not to be confused with incontinence. :)  Instead, I present to you the 2011 Koons Zoo Christmas letter highlighting the notable events and happenings from the year.  Thanks for sticking with me this year, when I may or may not have blogged more sporadically than ever (hello 2 weeks between posts, I'm so ashamed).  The blog's 3 year anniversary is next month and that BLOWS MY MIND.  We'll have an anniversary party complete with cupcakes when that date rolls around but for now thanks for reading and here's to 2012.  Happy New Year! 

Without further ado..

Dear Friends & Family (and Blog Readers),
It's the most wonderful time of the year, time for the annual Koons Christmas letter! Try to contain your excitement. After a brief hiatus last year due to a depressing, craptastic, death-filled 2010, we're back and better than ever. Subjectively speaking, of course. But hey, no one died in 2011 so we're chalking it up a success!!! Always the optimist, aren't I? Also, yes I did in fact, use the word craptastic in my Christmas letter, I gotta be me.


So 2011? It's going in the "Nothing Monumental but No Tragedies so Overall a Great Year" category of years. Hang on to your seats while we review.


January-I have a massive dislike of January and January '11 was no exception. GI Joe worked approximately eleventy hundred hours every week and the stress level of his job as a Recruiter was at a record high. The three bright spots of January were 1) we survived it ulcer free 2) redneck sledding is so much fun and 3) our Christmas in January celebration at a cabin in NE with my side of the family. Listen, you get that much Arnold goodness in one place for any amount of time, fun is bound to be had.


February-As much as I dislike January, I dislike February 10 times more. Oh yes, I AM a ray of sunshine. Stay with me, I promise it gets better. February 1st marked the 12th anniversary of my mom passing away but on the bright side it was also Blade's 9th birthday, which gave me a reason to not have a full blown pity party. Speaking of Blade, 9 has been good to him. He's one of the coolest kids I've ever met and I'm not saying that just because he's mine. Fine, that might have a little something to do with it. Blade is the quintessential All American boy. Good at everything (grades, football, soccer, basketball, wrestling, you name it), Mr. Popularity, teacher's pet, class clown, and just downright hilarious. It's pretty fun being his parents, especially when he tells us things like, "You might want to take a picture of me in this uniform because you're lookin' at a legend," with a twinkle in his eye. And that sentence? Pretty much sums up Blade. So yeah, February was not a complete bust. Thank goodness for Blade....and our snowwoman.

March-We took our annual National LamKoons Spring Break Vacation to visit Hilary and family in TN. We love Tennessee (oh and Hilary, Micah & Bryan and soon to be baby #3 too. Did you catch that subtle announcement?!?). Toyed with the idea of relocating to TN, didn't, the end...for now. Settle down IA friends/family, it's LONG TERM thinking., as in after the kids graduate. I was born to be a southern belle, ya'll.

April/May-The ground thawed, the sun returned, the grass turned green(ish), the livestock auction reopened, my bovine baby Holy turned a year old, Justin shot a big turkey while turkey hunting, Dakota and I had a girls weekend in St. Louis with my sisters and smom, and my birthday happened. All good things, except me aging. Another item of note for the month of May, Dakota graduated from 5TH GRADE and into the world of middle schooldom. And with that, I died a little. SHE'S JUST A BABY!

June/July/August-My absolute favorite time of the year. I love everything about this time of year, except for the snakes. For the full story on that and much more go here http://hillbillyhilarity.blogspot.com/2011/04/snakes-on-plain.html (shameless plug #1). We spent a lot of time fishing, playing outside, hanging out in the pool, and mostly enjoying the schedule free summer. Not sure if you knew this or not but when you have 3 kids involved in all kinds of things, you put more miles on your car seat than you do your couch. So not having to chauffeur kids around to various activities was delightful. Here's hoping they continue to not want to play baseball and put a wrench in my whole schedule free summer. In early July, we also took our annual National LamKoons Summer Vacation to Tampa, Florida for a little beach time. Iowa has great sweet corn and all, but ocean views and salt sea breezes? Not so much and this girl likes to get white sand between my toes at least once a year.


We spent about 5 days in Florida hitting the beaches and Busch Gardens and then a surprise detour in Orlando for a couple days at the Nickelodeon Resort aka BEST 2 DAYS OF OUR KIDS' LIVES THUS FAR. On our way to FL, we made a stop in Kansas to see Heidi, a stop in TN to see Hilary, and a stop in Georgia to see Stone Mountain. On the way home, we made a stop in New Orleans to see..well, A LOT of things, mostly life lessons for the children and an unforgettable stop in Memphis to see some serious police action and to handoff Blade & Ryder to Hilary and Bryan for a week stay with them. They flew home by themselves the following week, another big to do in their book.


At the end of July, Dakota made her 4H debut at the Madison County Fair showing chickens and art work. Highlights include bathing chickens in preparation for showing them (a vinegar rinse makes them super shiny!!!) and bringing home a blue ribbon for her chickens AND her artwork. Now that we know the lay of the 4H/County Fair land you can expect to hear much more about this in future Christmas letters. Blade is also now a 4H'er too so it's safe to say that one week every July will be dedicated to the county fair cause. And that's fine with me because those are my people and I feel right at home there. Not to mention the corndogs and the animals galore. In August, we celebrated Ryder's 8th birthday, for approximately 5 days because that's how he rolls. I have no idea where he gets it. EIGHT? Can you believe it? He'll always be 5 to me so whatever, eight. He's grown a ton this year and is now just millimeters smaller than Blade. In addition to his norms, wrestling and soccer, he got to play his first year of tackle football this year and is currently in his inaugural basketball season. He loves his sports, although in a very different way than his brother. He's in it for the camaraderie, the hanging out with his friends, the having fun part of it. Blade, on the other hand, well, it's serious competitive business to him. Oh the joys of boys. Ryder is a lot like Blade in that he makes friends easily, has the teachers wrapped around his finger, and pretty much breezes through life. He still has the laid back surfer boy look and attitude going on, it's part of his charm. Although don't let that charm fool you because under that blonde exterior is a spitfire just waiting for the right moment to rear it's precious head. He's been keeping us on our toes since the minute we found out we were having him (surprise!) and is still doing that 8 years later. Man, I love him. Wow, would you look at that, I just spent a whole page talking about 3 months. And I didn't even tell you how the kids started back to school and how Dakota is now a MIDDLE SCHOOLER! Or that we had a beautiful, adorable, sweet smelling addition to the extended Koons clan when Miss Lyla Jean was born to GI Joe's brother Brian and his wife Lindsay at the end of August. It's been awhile since we've had a baby in the Koons family so it's been so fun and she really is cutest thing ever. Moving on....only 3.5 months left!


September/October-All I remember about these 2 months was the vast amount of football we watched. Between both boys playing, the Hawkeyes, and the Detroit Lions, every weekend was filled with approximately 70 hours of football. Both boys' teams ended the season with the exact same record of 3-1-1. GI Joe was able to get tickets to a couple of the home Hawkeye games and memories were made at those games. The home opener of the season he took his dad, my dad, and Blade with him and it was pouring rain the entire time. But the Hawks got the win and the boys got some new Hawkeye ponchos. Score! GI Joe also turned 34 in October, and shortly thereafter dislocated a rib while doing a home improvement project that I had requested. Old age isn't for sissies! Oh, one other fun tidbit for these months was the start up of my new venture.."Suck It Up Cupcakes". You know, because I have a ton of free time and all, I thought it would be fun to bake gourmet and delicious cupcakes for people as a little side biz. It's going great and I'm as busy as I want to be with it. The best part about the whole thing, besides the baking of 37 varieties of cupcakes (so far) is the logo.....

I mean, have you EVER?!? There's a facebook page dedicated to it if you're in the market for cupcakes www.facebook.com/SuckItUpCupcakes (shameless plug #2).


That brings us to November, the end is in sight!!!!


November-November the month of big dates at the Koons Zoo. The first being Dakota's birthday. She turned TWELVE you guys, TWELVE!!! You know what that means right? She's officially a tween and a mere 11 months from being a TEENAGER. WAAAAAAAA! The great thing about Dakota is though, she remains unchanged by the fact that her peers are starting to get into boys and setting up facebook accounts and other such adolescent nonsense. She openly admits that she does not really enjoy being around lots of people or big cities and dating, especially in 6th grade is overrated and silly. Umm yeah, I'm thinking farmgirl forever and if we can just keep her thinking that dating is overrated until, oh I don't know, say 42, we'll be just fine. Dakota is still Dakota in that she likes her peace and quiet in the country, her ability to roam freely while hunting birds and rabbits and whatnot, her kitties, and her chickens. Her artistic and creative abilities continue to blossom as evidenced by her blue ribbon showing at the county fair and her academic excellence is only dampened by her ability to organize and her natural dizzy blondeness. She couldn't be more opposite than me (except for the dizzy blonde thing) which has been a good exercise in patience and humility for me. I've never met another kid like her and probably never will. Her potential in life knows no bounds and I cannot wait to see where it takes her. Probably not New York City, I can tell you that. :) Also, in November, GI Joe and I celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary. How do you like us now haters of 1997?!? I tease. It's flown by but on the other hand it seems like we've been a part of each other since birth. Of course I still love him but I still really really like him too AND think he's even better looking now than he was when I first laid eyes on him in the fall of 1994, and believe me, high school junior me would have never believed that could happen. I know, gag me, but it's true. Throw in Thanksgiving and Black Friday and you've got a month for the record books.


Are your eyes tired yet? I should've included bookmarks. I promise, we're almost done. What Koons Christmas letter would be complete without the annual Koons Zoo count is so here goes: 3 horses, 1 mini horse, 2 mules "stupid" donkeys, 3 llamas, 1 cow (love of my life), 1 pot bellied pig, 1 "real" pig for eating...seriously!),


1 fainting goat, 1 peacock, 2 bunnies, 1 turkey, 1 ewe (not me, EWE), 5 dogs (I forgot to tell you that we are a foster home for the Upper Midwest Great Dane Rescue and yes, I HAVE been able to give them up after fostering them), a whole lot of chickens, and a few kitties. We've lost some animals this past year and have slowed down on our animal acquisitions as of late. But don't worry there are some exciting acquisitions planned for spring of 2012, so stay tuned!


Congrats! It's now 2012 and you deserve an award for making it to the end of this letter. I apologize for the length but we had some major catching up to do. Life is good, God is great, and people, namely us, are crazy. From our zoo to you, Merry Christmas (belated)  and a happy New Year!

Love,
The Koons Zoo

The Santa Situation

In our house we go all out to make Christmas magical for our kids, and let's be honest, for us too. Because the only thing better than being a kid on Christmas is seeing your kid experience Christmas. We spend a lot of time talking about and living out the real meaning of Christmas so that it doesn't get lost in all the Santa Claus reindeer stuff but that doesn't mean we leave jolly Old St. Nick out in the cold. Out in the cold? Tee hee I crack myself up.



For example, every Christmas morning the kids wake up (in their coordinating Christmas PJ's of course) to find bootprints in ashes leading from the fireplace to the Christmas tree (thank goodness for hardwood floors), reindeer tracks in the yard and the reindeer food sprinkled outside on Christmas Eve gone, and a note from Santa next to the empty plate of cookies. They might also hear the occasional jingle of bells late on Christmas Eve accompanied by their mother yelling out the front door, "NOT YET SANTA, THEY AREN'T ASLEEP, HIT THE HOUSE DOWN THE ROAD AND THEN STOP BACK BY!" Whaaaat? Doesn't everyone yell out their front door at Santa? Pffffft.


GI Joe and I have so much fun filling Christmas with little traditions and nuances that they'll remember forever and likely pass on to their kids (you know, my named from "the list" grandkids). This year though? Blade is putting a little damper on the magic. Never before have any of them ever even questioned the whole Santa thing, I mean, how could they when they had the bootprints to prove he was real? At some point in the past month or so, Blade is having his Santa doubts. I blame the rebellious kids at school. Now some parents say they won't "lie" to their kids and tell them that Santa isn't real but let it be known, we are NOT those parents. In fact, we are the parents trying wholeheartedly to convince him that he is in fact real because, ummm, after all, ISN'T HE?!? That's one of the best parts of childhood and we kinda want to make it last as long as possible, like say, oh I don't know, THE REST OF HIS LIFE?!? My parents were not as extreme as we are, but they did go to certain extents to keep the magic alive for my sisters and I even well past the age of truth. I distinctly remember my first Christmas as a married woman, there were still presents under my parents' tree in never before seen wrapping paper that said From Santa along with the ones that said From Mom and Dad, so see...HE IS REAL! :)


So Blade rattled off about 10 different arguments as to how the whole Santa thing was a hoax, such as "Why would you have to yell out the door to Santa to tell him we're still awake when he supposedly sees us while we're sleeping and sees when we're awake?" (Because he's very busy on Christmas Eve and doesn't always have time to check his KidVision so I was just helping him out) Or, "You know that song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus?" Why would a mommy be kissing Santa Claus if Santa Claus wasn't the Daddy?" (Because she was just really happy to see him and that's how people in Europe greet each other and don't you know St Nick originated in Europe?) or "Why would there be reindeer tracks in the yard when they allegedly land on the roof?" (Well duh, they came down to get the reindeer food we put out for them!) These are basically exact quotes, you guys. As you can see, I did my best to answer them convincingly and I think I might have made some headway and while I don't think he completely believes, I think he wants to still believe and if that's the best we can get, then I'll take it.


Of course, while he was questioning all of this, Dakota, age 12, piped in and said, "Why wouldn't you believe in Santa Claus? That's just dumb."


To which he responded, "DAKOTA, you're TWELVE YEARS OLD, why WOULD you still be believe in Santa?!? You're way too old."


She just rolled her eyes at him because she KNOWS and she's seen Polar Express so she doesn't question the magic. Gotta love her and her vast imagination and naiveness.


But the other night, was the icing on the figurative Claus cake. We were watching movies and it was time to put in a new movie. Blade wanted to watch The Santa Clause. Ryder wanted to watch something else.


Ryder: "Why would you want to watch The Santa Clause when you don't even believe in Santa?"
Blade: "Because I believe in Tim Allen."

And there you have it, the magic of Christmas...and Tim Allen.

BELIEVE!

Catch Up

As I was writing the annual Koons Christmas letter and got to the 4th page, it dawned on me that this was a clear indication that I'm not blogging enough if I have all this pent up writing in me.  I mean, seriously, who has a FOUR PAGE Christmas letter?  Embarrassing.  So in an effort to release this pent up writing inside of me here I am.  The following are presented in no kind of order, just as they pop in my head. 

*I got bangs a few weeks ago and the following week, Taylor Swift also got bangs.  Coincidence?  Maybe.  But Taylor, I'm WATCHING YOU.  Never mind that Carrie Underwood got bangs a couple weeks before I did and was actually the inspiration behind my current cut, Taylor totally copied me.  I would post a picture but the bangs and I are still getting to know each other.  Some days I love them, some days I curse the day I ever saw that picture of Carrie Underwood with bangs in the magazine, and all days I feel like I'm riding a fine line between frumpy house wife in mom jeans, 9 year old girl, and cutting edge fashionista.  I do have to say that weeks 3 & 4 post bang hair cut seem to be the optimal bang performance time.  The first few weeks I felt like they were way too short and now in week 5 I feel like they are getting too long.  But long's ok because I think I'm growing them out.  Now you see why my Christmas letter was 4 pages long?  I can make a mountain out of a molehill. 

And now that I've verbally vomited about my bangs for an entire paragraph, I'm not sure that I have anything else to say.

*Alright, if I must.  A few years ago, we started doing the whole Elf on a Shelf thing.  We named our elf Oogey and a new tradition was born.  It's so much fun to see where Oogey ends up every morning (when he remembers to move) and use him as leverage when the kids are misbehaving. Ex:  "What kind of report do you think Oogey will give to Santa when he goes to the North Pole tonight?"  What?!?  HE DOES!   Here's where he was today after he returned from his nightly North Pole trip....

Yes, that's a deer head hanging on the wall.  You know who I'm married to right?  This is in the family room and it was an exercise in (painful) compromise that I allowed this deer head to be hung and his brother (the deer's brother not GI Joe's, just to clarify) on a different wall.  I suppose it does work with the room as it's a very outdoorsy, masculine room.  The kicker is that this deer is looking directly into my pink accented, girly kitchen. That darn compromise, it works both ways.  

*Speaking of pink and girly...you will never believe what Carhartt did to me.  They have now produced a line of bubble gum pink Carhartts.  They "claim" it is for "Breast Cancer Awareness" but I think we all know what's going on here.  They completely stole my idea without even so much as a RETURN LETTER OR CALL.  If you're new to the blog and my obsession with pink Carhartts please go here and somewhere else on the blog that I can't find right now to read up.   I'm crafting my very fiery letter to Carhartt now.  I may have to lawyer up for such blatant plagerism of my original idea.  Sure hope they aren't paying a design team for the grand PINK idea because hello, 2009 I suggested it AND sent a picture...twice...thankyouverymuch.  My demands for retribution will be as follows:  a free set of the Prairie Princess original PINK Carhartts valued at $150 and a letter of apology, oh and that they rename them to "Prairie Princess Pink."  I think I'm being completely reasonable here.  You'll be hearing more about this on the news shortly I'm sure. 

*Let's talk about Michael Buble and how much I've grown to love him.  GI Joe, believe it or not, got me hooked on him a couple of years ago when he asked for his Christmas CD for Christmas and has been raving about him ever since.  That was the short play CD with just 6 or so songs on it and it was fabulous.  Now this year, he released a full length Christmas album which is SOLID GOLD.  It is so good and has solidified me firmly in the Michael Buble Fan Camp.  Last Tuesday night was his TV special and he's just so darn entertaining and that voice?!?  I could listen to him sing for a week and not get sick of it.  And then THIS came out and that's it, I'm a goner and have now added a Michael Buble concert to my lifelong bucket list.  The guy is flat out amazing.  Also, he could be my brother in law Bryan's twin...seriously.  Exhibit A: 

NOT Michael Buble.  Feel free to ooh and aah over how cute Micah is, I KNOW!

The real Michael Buble.  The resemblance, it's uncanny. 

*In closing, (wow, can't tell my dad's a pastor can you?) I'd like to share with you in photos my Monday evening.  I was tired, I didn't feel good, I had 4 dozen cupcakes to make and one son to get to and from wrestling practice, oh and Moose the Lab rolled in something dead so that was a nice, unexpected treat.  Here is the night in pictures:

One dozen cupcakes...ruined, destroyed, finito.  1 new oven....a smoky, cupcake remains covered mess. The last pan of cupcakes of the night as I was taking it out of the oven.  I wanted to cry.  Just in case you thought it was all sprinkles and sunshine 'round here.   

My fuzzy pink slippers complete with a splat of cupcake batter and chocolate ganache.  Monday was one of those days that these went on the minute I got home from work and I had no intentions of taking them off.  Which is why I wore them when I took Ryder to wrestling practice and also why I gave him STRICT instructions to be out and waiting for me after practice was over so I didn't have to come in the building to get him while wearing my fuzzy pink slippers.  I pulled up a few minutes after practice was over just to be sure to allow him enough time to change his shoes and come outside but do you think he did?  NOOOOOOO.  Do you think it was on purpose?  YESSSSSSSS.  After about 8 minutes of waiting, I figured that most of the other parents had already come and gone so I'd be safe in entering the building in my FPS.  I tossed my pride aside and walked, FPS and all, into the building.  And walked right into one of our neighbors!  And then Ryder magically appeared, which gives me further cause to believe that he waited to come out on purpose.  Not pictured, my messy hair going 14 different directions with frosting in it, my old yoga pants with cupcake batter all over them, my baggy, shabby sweatshirt and the flour on my face.  I was a sight.  It's fine, I didn't use my dignity much anyway. 

Wow, I feel so much lighter, my burden lifted.  I'd forgotten how much fun this blogging stuff is.  I'm gonna have to do it more often!  Here's hoping.