Thursday, June 6, 2013

Let's Pretend This Never Happened

If you were planning to read this post to your kids as a bedtime story because I’m sure many of you do that or use it as a dinner table conversation starter, I’m warning you right now DON’T.  Just don’t.  Take it from me, I lived it. 
So I’m 35 now (I know can you even believe it?!?) and with great age comes great maturity and wisdom.....or something like that according to Spiderman. 

Never was that more evident than when it came time to name our new (ish…we got him in March but who’s fact checking here?) peacock.   We just hadn’t gotten around to naming him for whatever reason.  These things require a lot of thought and time to research and just can’t be taken lightly. 

So on our way home from one of my birthday celebrations it dawned on me, “we haven’t named our peacock yet!  I’m gonna google clever peacock names!”  Uhhh note to self, google isn’t always your friend.  GI Joe was driving, the kids were in the backseats chattering away, it was a beautiful night, the stuff wholesome 50’s sitcoms are made of.   Without a second thought, I clicked on the first website that google brought up and began reading OUT LOUD “clever peacock names.”  Here’s how that worked out. 

*Spoiler Alert:  NOT WELL

Me:  Huh, well this website is dumb it has boring peacock names like Chris Peacock.
GI Joe:  Stop, just stop.
Me (seriously oblivious):  why, did you think of a good name?  I just don’t get why Chris Peacock is on this list?
GI Joe (nearly pulling off the road because he’s laughing so hard, this of course makes the children stop their chattering and pay attention):  LISTEN to what you’re saying!
Me:  CHRIS PEACOCK.  Yeah so what?
GI Joe (can’t breathe):  OK never mind just STOP SAYING IT.
Kids:  Saying what Mommy?!?
Me:  This website says we should name our peacock Chris Peacock and I don’t get why that is so stinking funny to your father.
GI Joe (he’s dead, stopped breathing):  STOP SAYING IT.
Me:  (slowly) Chris Pea....cock…….OOOOOOOOH!  OH MY GOODNESS!  That is so wrong!  I can’t believe I didn’t hear that!  Why didn’t you say something?!? 
Kids (looking to their father for wisdom):  Why aren’t you breathing Daddy?  What is wrong?  What does Chris Peacock mean?
GI Joe (still laughing and gasping for breath):  Nothing guys, just quit saying it! 
Me:  (washing my mouth out with soap but in my head can now hear nothing but the inappropriateness of Chris P…eacock..ugh)

(Also, admit it you didn’t get it at first either until you read it out loud three times, hopefully ALONE.)

Then we got home and I posted this unfortunate blunder on Facebook,  and my FB page blew up with other naming “suggestions”.  I won’t list out the suggestions we were given because this is, well, WAS a family friendly blog.  But let’s just say I have some very, ahem, creative? friends.  And for the record I like the name Drew but for a child NOT a peacock.  Ahem…. CRAIG SHOGREN.
Then GI Joe’s Dad (THE PASTOR) called and GI Joe told him, “You’re daughter in law wants to name our peacock Chris.” 
“Say it…..Chris Pea…”
(lightbulb moment which to his credit was EONS before mine) “OOOOOH I don’t suppose I should.”

And then I was shunned from the family and stripped of all my Baptist responsibilities.

The worst part?  No matter how we try,  EVERY. TIME.  we look at our peacock we think, “Chris”. 

So here he is.

Chris (I feel dirty) Peacock

Yeah, it’s his name, it just kinda….stuck.  
And I know what you're thinking and yes,
That's what she said.
I'm sorry, it had to be done.  See you again...never?

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