Saturday, February 4, 2012

This is NOT a Figment of Your Imagination

Oh hey there, remember me, the girl who used to blog here more than once a month?  How have you been?!?  We have some catching up to do.  Here's a list of blog posts I have in the works and hope to have scheduled to post by the end of this weekend:  My letter to Carhartt, Christmas in January, my run-in with a deer (pun totally intended), and our Llama Drama.  We're in the midst of a winter storm so it may actually happen because you know, blogging beats organizing a closet or watching WWE, which are my other entertainment options.  

And now I've completely drawn a blank as to what to blog about.  Maybe blogging isn't like riding a bike after all. 

*You need to try this makeup tip called tightlining, if you're a girl reader that is.  Guyliner not allowed on my watch, sorry guys.  It really works and is easy once you get the hang of it and past the poking yourself one or twenty times part, not that I did that I just heard of someone else doing it. 

*I went to my first Zumba class the other day...with other people.  And the other people were all ladies in their 50's and above.  It was awesome.  And I had to let them all know that even though it may have appeared that I was having a seizure that was just me trying to get in touch with my Latino side as regardless of how black I thought I was ('92-'94) I still ain't got no rhythm.  I want to be JLo.  I am not JLo and that makes me sad.  Anyway, the class was a blast and I made all the old ladies feel much better the next day when I had to admit to them that yes, I was very sore too.  To which they replied, "OH good and you're SO much younger that makes me feel better about a little soreness today!"  Yeah, really made my day too. 

*Speaking of Zumba, we bought Zumba for the Wii too because if I'm going to have the moves like JLo, it's going to take more than one class a week.  Besides it's a great way to exercise without actually feeling like you're exercising, until the next day when you can't laugh without wincing in pain.  Somehow I convinced GI Joe to do it with me the other night.  Highlight of my week.  Between the zumba and the laughing I did watching him, my abs are on their way to being of steel.  I wish I had video of it.  After it was over, and he scored more points than I did (sadly), he declared, "I don't think Zumba is for guysI"  I disagree because that was the best entertainment I'd seen in awhile.

*I had a brief scare with thyroid cancer and/or herpes of the ear this week.  I woke up on Friday morning and my ear down the back of my throat hurt, like it was filled with canker sores.  It was miserable.  So I did what any responsible patient would do and put my symptoms into Web M.D.  It gave me a list of about 17 possible diagnoses but my favorites on the list were Thyroid Cancer and Shingles or Herpes of the Ear.  Nowhere on there did it say it could just be a virus.  I was thinking sinus infection or ear infection but whatever you say Web MD.  Since it was Friday and if it was something that could be treated with an antibiotic I wanted to get on that before the weekend so I wouldn't spend the weekend being in pain and sick.  I called my doctor's office to make an appointment and when she asked what I needed to be seen for I said, "I've got some pain in my ear that goes down the back of my throat and my head on the side that my ear/throat is bothering me is very sensitive.  I was thinking maybe it was sinus infection but according to Web MD it's probably thyroid cancer or herpes of the ear, so I thought I should come in before the weekend."
"Uh ok, does 3:20 work?" she asked.
"Yes.  Web MD is always right, right?"
"Umm, well...." I could just see her marking a big red CRAZY X next to my name in the appointment book.
"One time I diagnosed my husband as having a gallstone and/or a heart attack via Web MD and it turned out to be a dislocated rib so maybe it's not right all the time."
"Uhhh yeah not always, in fact hardly ever," she still didn't know whether or not I was seriously a nutcase.
"Gotta love Web MD, huh?  I'm guessing it MIGHT be wrong," and then to let her know I was not a complete Fruit Loop I started laughing, which may have served to let her know I was kidding OR make her think that I was completely maniacal.
"Yeah, gotta love it.  See you at 3:20," she quickly hung up so she could go to the nurses lounge and tell all about the crazy girl who thought she had herpes of the ear.
When I got to my appointment, it took every ounce of restraint in me to not loudly announce at the reception desk for everyone in the waiting room to hear, "I'M HERE FOR MY 3:2O APPOINTMENT, REMEMBER I'M THE GIRL WITH THE EAR HERPES?!?"  And then sit down right next to an unsuspecting patient and lean over to them and say, "Don't worry it's only contagious if you stick your tongue in my ear."
I mean, can you even imagine?  Best. Doctor's. Visit. EVER.  As it turns out, it's NOT thyroid cancer OR ear herpes, but just a virus.  But both my doctor and nurse got a good chuckle when I told them what Web MD thought it was.  Apparently, they get that a lot but they told me that Web MD doesn't have a diagnosis simply called "a virus" which 99% of the time is what it turns out to be.  Darn, and I thought I was well on my way to a career in the medical field, even though I couldn't pass college chemistry.  

*Blade turned 10 on Wednesday which means we are official members of the "2 KIDS IN DOUBLE DIGITS CLUB".  And that kinda makes me want to hurl.  How is he 10?!?  His birthday demands included chocolate chip cookie dough cupcakes, pancakes & sausage for brinner, a family outing to Zombie Burger, and a boys get together next Saturday for some of his friends from school to go see a movie and eat Mexican food.   So basically his birthday has turned into a week and a half event.  Honestly, these kids and their birthday weeks turning into months.  Also, TEN?!?  Not possible.  Let's take a moment and reflect on the sweetness that was/is Blade.  I die. 
No, he's not special needs, he's just a goofball. 

See?  Totally normal, what with streamers on his head and all.  Also, please note GI Joe's beard.  Between Christmas Eve and January 2nd, he didn't have to shave.  That hasn't happened in umm, well ever, you know since the Army likes you to shave daily and stuff.  He's never had that much time off at one shot (in the winter) that he hasn't had to shave.  It was kind of hot.  I miss the beard.

*I gave up soda/pop/whatever you call that caffeinated aspartame laden fizzy drink as of January 1st.  I have been a one can of Diet Dew a day drinker forever, with slightly more on the weekends and such so it's not like I was a first class addict, but I've just read so much about how bad it is for you and how just dropping it can help you shed a few pounds so thought I'd do it. Last summer I had stopped drinking it except for maybe one a week,but you know how it gets around Christmas where all food/drink inhibitions are thrown to the wind and you figure you'll just start over on New Year's so I had gotten back on the Diet Dew bandwagon. But now I'm off again and haven't had any since December 31st.  I'm drinking about 80 oz of water a day, sparkling fruit flavored waters, Low Calorie Fuzes, my morning coffee (my caffeine for the day, for the sake of those around me), and decaf iced tea.  But the other day I had about 4 swigs of GI Joe's Diet Mountain Dew and first of all, it didn't taste good at all and it burned my throat.  This was 2:00 in the afternoon and I'm not kidding I slept like crap that night.  Also, it gave me a sore in my mouth.  Hi, my name is Prairie Princess and I'm EIGHTY.  What has happened to me? 

*In closing, I need to show you my new favorite outfit. 

PINK Carhartts, baby!  Supposedly, they were made especially in October for Breast Cancer Awareness and GI Joe knowing my obsession with pink Carhartts bought these for me for Christmas.  While I love them deeply, I'm more than a LITTLE irritated with Carhartt for PLAGERIZING my design idea that I sent them for the first time THREE YEARS AGO.  Which is why I'm working on a little "love" letter to them regarding this situation.  Stay tuned, it's gonna be a good one.  They have no idea who they're up against.  And yes, that's Hormel the Hog behind me.  You know, the hog we bought to raise and butcher.  The one who is still alive and well and if GI Joe doesn't carry out her "destiny" soon it's never gonna happen because I will start dressing her in tutus and teaching her tricks.  I've held out this long and refrained from attachment but I'm only human, I don't know how much more I can take. 

*And one more thing, this blog turned THREE YEARS OLD on January 8th.  Whaaaaat?  That just blows my mind.  If you haven't been here from the beginning, you should go back and read some of those, there's a lot to choose from since I blogged *slightly* more regularly than I do and there's some funny stuff in there.  Like THIS and THIS and oh help us, THIS, and definitely can't forget THIS.  Good times, all of it.  Thanks for reading along as I try to record some of the crazy, funny, ridiculous stuff that happens around here.  There's more where that came from!

P.S.  You're welcome, Heather.  :)


  1. The Carhartts look great! Glad you're back - I look forward to your posts for a fun read. :)

    --From a long-time lurker in Ohio

  2. You are the BEST BFF ever!! Thanks for the laugh!!