Dental Health Poster Child

Brush much?

Meet Joe. Joe knows plaque.

This has been a public service announcement, now feel free to go brush your teeth and throw in a little floss just for kicks.

At the Drive Thru

Scene: A sunny, bright day at the Taco John's drive thru

Characters: A blonde wearing wonky sunglasses because she broke them when she pulled them out of her purse but it was so bright out and she wanted to protect her eyes since they are her window to the world, that she wore them anyway, and who loves her some Tex Mex. Mmmm mmm good. Oh wait wrong franchise, my bad Campbell's. (My apologies for that ridiculous run on sentence, I just had a lot to say.)

For the sake of the story, we'll "pretend' that the above character is yours truly. Work with me here.

I ordered my food and pulled around to the window. Keep in mind the PMobile is rather giant and I'm rather inept at making sharp turns or fitting into narrow spaces with it. The Taco John's drive thru required both of the above. I pulled around at a rather cockeyed angle and stretched the approximate 10 feet from my car window to the cashier at the window to pay. The cashier was kind of looking at me strangely but I just chalked it up to my stellar driving/parking skills. I paid with exact change and then put my wait time to good use. I'm nothing if not a multi-tasker. I was very busy doing important things like responding to a message on facebook, applying lip gloss, reading the back cover of a book, addressing an envelope, etc. After awhile, I happened to look up and caught a glimpse of myself in the rear view mirror and noticed my crazy sunglasses. I came to the realization that they were probably the reason for the strange looks from the cashier.

Then the thought crossed my mind, "Wow, wonder what's taking my food so long, I'm starving." As I looked up to adjust my sunglasses again since they wouldn't stay on straight (hmm wonder why?), I happened to notice the Taco John's employee at the next window sticking his head out, obviously looking for the customer who had gotten lost between the Pay Window and the Pick Up window. And that's when it hit me...."Oh my goodness, I FORGOT to pull up!!! I'm still at the Pay Window. Duh!!!!" By this time at least 5 minutes had gone by since I had paid. I considered peeling out and speeding past the window so as not to have to face the TJ employee who just witnessed me having a big, bad, blonde moment OR did I sacrifice my dignity, face my embarrassment, and most importantly get my food? I think we all know what I did right? I'm a growing (in waist size) girl who happens to be cheap and since I'd already paid there was no way I was leaving without my food. I pulled up, giggling, and told the kid, "I'm so sorry I was just having a blonde moment. Tee hee hee." To which he laughed and said, "That's ok I just didn't know what you were doing, I hope your food isn't cold." Always one to offer constructive criticism I told him, "You know the girl at the Pay Window really should've said something to me. Why would she just let me sit there? I mean really." He just looked at me, handed me my food, and turned around. I'm pretty sure he was going to find his manager immediately to implement my suggestion into the Taco John's drive thru window training manual. Either that or he couldn't take one more second of looking at me in my crooked, wacky glasses because yes, I still had them on. Hey it was really bright out! And at this point, I had no self respect left so why not just leave them on? And then take a horrible picture of me wearing them 2 days later solely for the purpose of this blog? I have no shame.


Dear Taco John's-I hope a lesson has been learned here and that appropriate changes will be made so that no other persons have to suffer the same mortification and cold food that I did. I'll be back to do a secret shopper type investigation. I'll notify you of the results. If this improper customer treatment continues I may have to drive the extra few miles to Taco Bell. They have a whole lotta Mexican going on too, just not as many drive thru windows. Also, you're welcome for the Break Room entertainment I provided, I do what I can. And yes, I am a natural blonde.

Newsflash: I WON THE LOTTERY!

I know I should keep it quiet until I am able to meet and plan with my lawyer, accountant and financial planner but I'm not one to keep things from you my faithful friends.

Here's the 411...

Once in awhile when the lottery jackpot gets in the triple millions I am compelled to go against my good Nazarene upbringing and deviate from my current status as an upstanding Baptist and buy a lottery ticket. I promise if I win I'll donate at least 10% to the church..honestly! So about a month ago I bought a lottery ticket. I've been carrying it around in my purse with the intentions of checking it. I just had a feeling it was a winner so was just biding my time until I was ready for my life to be drastically altered by a few mil. Ok in reality, I just kept forgetting about it.

Until today, when I was at QT on my lunch purchasing a 32 oz iced tea for the summer special price of 49 CENTS when I remembered. I pulled it out of my purse and asked the nice cashier to check it for me. I told him I was pretty sure it was a winner. He walked over to the lottery machine and suddenly turned around and said, "You were right, you ARE a winner!" I immediately started jumping around, yelling "I knew it! I knew it was a winner! I never win anything! Oh my goodness this is the best day ever." People were looking at me curiously, no doubt taking in every detail so they would be prepared for their Live at Five interview on Channel 8. And then he finished with "You won 7 dollars." Now some might think this would dampen my excitement but this is me we're talking about, and I was still thrilled to have won anything so I continued with my winner's song and dance, still drawing looks from innocent bystanders. The cashier quietly said, "Do you want to cash that out?" to which I responded with a blaring "YES!!! I want to hold my winnings in my hand. Give me that cold, hard cash! Oh I'm so excited I won!" He handed me my $7.00 and I skipped out of the store, I had people to notify. First call was to GI Joe. I asked him if he was sitting down. He said yes. I said, "Remember that lottery ticket I've been carrying around in my purse for like a month?" He said, "yes?" Nearly hyperventilating from the excitement I managed to squeak out "You'll never believe it....I ACTUALLY WON!!!" And would you believe rather than being excited and happy and calling the real estate agent to buy our beach house in Hawaii he said, "Yeah right." Dude, throw me a bone here..I just won the lottery. I explained that really I had won the lottery and that while it wasn't in the millions it was still something...7 dollars to be exact! You have to start somewhere right?

I went back to work and messaged Annette to tell her the exciting news. As I have a tendency to do when telling a story, I was dragging it out, really building up the suspense and by the time I typed that I had won 7 dollars she was shaking profusely, and running across the building to get to my desk to get the full scoop. She thought I had missed the decimal and that I had won 7,000 or 7 million. Enough that we were going on the NKOTB cruise next year for sure. Obviously, she wasn't nearly as enthusiastic when I told her it was in fact just 7 dollars.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about what I'm going to do with my winnings. Buy a zebra? Invest? Take this blog big time? Book the NKOTB cruise? Buy a frappuccino and try my luck with another ticket? So many decisions to be made. I'm leaning towards the frappuccino and the $1 back in the lottery. I have a good feeling this time, I feel it. Can't win if you don't play right? Might be a good time to save 1-800-BETS-OFF in my phone's speed dial. But when I DO win, I won't forget about you my blogging friends, I promise. And don't worry, even when I'm a few million richer I won't change. I'll still be the Prairie Princess, just with more friends and more animals. But because you were with me before the fortune and fame, I'll grant you free admission to pet my zebra. That's how I roll.

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Barn Burner

If you’re thinking that sounds like the name of a country song, you’d be correct, Jason Michael Carroll to be exact, love him. That song happened to be the soundtrack of our evening when just that happened, we had a real life barn burning minus the skinny dipping and moonshine. Man, I feel so country girlesque saying barn burning…ooooh say it again(name that movie)…..barn burning.

Here's the before picture:

This WAS the view from our kitchen table. I love the rustic, quaint look of this old barn. Makes me imagine what this place used to be like back in the day when it was a real live farm operation, not just a crazy woman collecting odd and unusual animals strictly for petting and then blogging about it. It’s been there since at least the late 1800’s and just having it in view from my kitchen makes me feel like an old school prairie woman and then I laugh out loud as I picture myself in a long dress and bonnet, churning butter. You’ll notice that the past 100+ years have taken its toil on our friend the barn and it’s leaning quite precariously. It’s been leaning a little more every year and finally the powers that be (GI Joe and his dad, the men of the homestead) decided it just wasn’t safe anymore. I don’t see the problem, I mean really, Italy ’s Leaning Tower of Pisa has been leaning since 1173, ours still has at least another 600 years by my calculations. They were worried that a good storm would come along and cause it to collapse, not caring if there was a peacock, kitty, horse or human in it and that would be dangerous. I suggested just putting caution tape around the doorways to prohibit entry and just leaving it alone but apparently my opinion as Prairie Princess is not highly valued. How rude. There’s been talk of having the local fire department come out and do a controlled burn on it for quite awhile but I kept hoping it was just talk. Imagine my surprise when on Sunday, GI Joe informed me that the barn was going to be burned down on Tuesday. Ummm…excuse me…WHAT? I think I was purposely left out of the loop on this one for fear that I would stage a protest complete with picket signs and media coverage (and you know I thought about it) . So I had only 3 days to prepare myself emotionally and mentally for this monumental event. Sunday, I forced the kids to take part in a barn blitz photo shoot telling them repeatedly that they would thank me for capturing this part of their childhood so that when they are older and telling their children about the hours they spent in their secret hideout in the hayloft, or finding the peacock eggs, or petting baby kittens in there, they would have pictures to show them. My children are apparently not forward thinkers as this didn’t entice them much but they did begrudgingly cooperate and someday, SOMEDAY they WILL thank me.

Really, they were THRILLED about this photo shoot..REALLY

In the days leading up to the dreadful B Day I took a lot of pictures, annoyed GI Joe by repeatedly asking him if he was sad that a piece of his childhood was going to go up in smoke, and requesting that he cut out sections of barn board for me to be used in creative projects memorializing the barn. One might’ve thought that GI Joe would be somewhat sentimental and sad about the fact that this part of his heritage was being destroyed but no, not so much. He’s such a guy.

And HELLO COWBOY, what a guy he is. Whew...

Finally, Tuesday evening came. The kids did one final sweep of the barn and rescued a nest of baby barn swallows. And by rescue I mean, got the nest down from a rafter only to drop it killing 2 of the 3 baby birds, leaving one orphaned bird who will now die anyway because his mom can’t find him and I’m sorry but I draw the line at letting the kids chew up worms and regurgitate them for the baby bird. Call PETA on me if you must but it’s how I roll. On a happier note, I made Smores cookies for the occasion as I thought it fitting. I had envisioned us sitting on our lawn chairs as a family, eating Smores cookies, while we watched the fire department burn our beloved barn, reminiscing about memories made there. As usual, the only thing that went according to plan was the eating of the Smores cookies, and boy were they delicious! The kids each wanted to watch it from their own vantage point, alone with their thoughts, GI Joe chose to watch while trimming the horse’s hooves and weeding the garden (I use the term garden loosely, there’s not much left now that it’s been “weeded”), and I chose to watch it from the comfort of my chaise lounger in the backyard. The fire department rolled up and I heard things like, “Hey Prairie Princess! Stay away from that barbed wire okay?” and “Hey PP, if you don’t want your llamas roasted then can you have them move?” and on and on. (Editors sidenote: Unfortunately, they don’t actually address me as Prairie Princess but I really wish they would.) Our town’s volunteer fire department doesn’t take their job lightly and they also enjoy giving me a hard time. So what if I’m the only one they’ve ever had to rescue from a barbed wire fence? (http://hillbillyhilarity.blogspot.com/2009/05/battle-of-barbed-wire.html) Or the only one they’ve had to tell to move their llamas? Geesh people. What would I have to blog about if I were normal?
The fire chief, a friend of ours, came and told us how it was going to work and that he would try to make the fire hot enough that the smoke would go over our house instead of directly towards our house. Who knew you could control such things? Then he told us he was training some “greenhorns” so they were going to take their time. I considered running down the hill screaming “Stop! There’s been a mistake, we were just kidding, we don’t want to burn it down!” but using every ounce of willpower I had, I refrained. Probably good because given my history with the VMFD they wouldn’t have taken me seriously. Finally, all firefighters were in position, and smoke slowly started billowing out of the barn and I started tearing up. Not from the smoke inhalation, but just because I knew it was really happening.

The beginning of the end

It wasn’t long before the entire thing was engulfed in flames and my heart broke in a million tiny pieces. Why? It’s just a building you might say. A building yes, but it was more than that. It was part of our home, it was the first thing you’d see when driving down the gravel road towards our house, it was a part of the childhood that shaped my GI Joe into the country boy that he is, and part of the childhood my kids have been privileged to have. Overanalyze much? No, not me.

As the smoke billowed over our house, we watched in awe as that old barn stayed standing much longer than we thought it would, it finally collapsed on itself with a loud bang…and I SCREAMED. It sounded like a gunshot! Even above the roar of the flames, the firefighters heard it and looked up the hill towards us shaking their heads, and GI Joe laughed until he cried. Really, I think it was just an excuse, he was crying about the barn just like the rest of us. Speaking of crying, I found Blade sitting on an overturned feedbucket, watching the fire burning, shoulders shaking, and tears running down his face. Clearly, I wasn’t the only one taking this hard. I felt his pain, rubbed his back a little, and then gave him another Smores cookies. Nothing mends a broken heart like a mothers love, I mean cookies.

Burn baby burn

In less than an hour, 100 years of history and memories was nothing more than a small fire and a pile of rubble. The fire department started packing up so I ventured over to where they were. I was introduced to the crew as “the barbed wire girl”. Awesome, glad to hear my reputation precedes me. I need to work on getting my picture on the fire station wall for that one. After that I felt justified in asking the chief to get everyone together for a group photo. It helps to have connections because he immediately got on his radio and said “I need everyone back down here now and make sure your hair and make up is good.” I offered my lip gloss just in case someone didn’t have any handy. You should’ve seen the looks he was getting as these hot, sweaty, and sooty firefighters trudged back down the hill only to discover that they were reporting for a group photo…priceless. They drew the line when I asked them to do a pyramid though. I love my fire department even if I am “the barbed wire fence girl”. Then my mother in law started shamelessly promoting my blog to all of the firefighters and telling them that their picture would end up there and that they should read it and on and on. God bless my mother in law who I think is a tiny bit proud that her son turned this city girl country and now there’s a blog about it. So if any of my new firefighter friends are reading this…this one’s for you. And also, sorry I thought that one really short guy was a kid tagging along with his dad or something, but seriously he is really little and he did ask J the firefighter for a piggyback ride, what’s a girl to think?

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Then it was done, finished, finito, we bid farewell to the barn. And with that I went home and showered off the campfire smell I’d acquired, ate another Smores cookie, went to bed and prayed that I’d wake up and find it was all a bad dream and that the barn was still standing, straight and tall. Obviously, I was more than a little disappointed to wake up this morning to see nothing but smoke and ashes where the barn used to be. Don’t worry a couple more Smores cookies eased my pain… a little. I’m still bitter about the whole deal and when GI Joe told me I could help him clean up the rubble, I told him I want nothing to do with it as it was against my wishes in the first place. Besides that I don’t want to rip my pretty pink work gloves.
I’m not the only one missing the barn, the horses were having a memorial service there this morning with one of them standing directly in the middle of the rubble pile, which concerned us since it was still smoldering, with the others circled around her, heads hanging down. It was as if they were saying their goodbyes too. I’ll tell you what though I am NOT sharing my Smores cookies with them, no matter how sad they are.

Before life as he knew it went up in a cloud of smoke

Bye Bye barn, you’ll be missed.

The new view and I gotta be honest I don't like it one bit.

But between my Smores cookies, my memories, the support of you my beloved readers and THIS guy...

I think I'll survive the trials and tribulations of life out here on the prairie. It's not for the faint of heart that's for sure.

And should you have a broken heart that needs mending here is the Smores cookie recipe (thanks to my friend Annette for sharing this gem with me). Do yourself a favor and use the WHOLE king sized Hershey’s bar and any extra chocolate you have lying around, you’re worth it: http://thepioneerwoman.com/tasty-kitchen/recipes/desserts/smore-cookies/.

Fishing Follies

We are a fishing family. Yes, even me. Well, if you count sitting in my pink camp chair, reading a book, drinking my iced tea while holding my pink fishing pole, that GI Joe baited and cast for me fishing (and I do). We are surrounded by farm ponds and live about 2 miles from a lake, so at a moment's notice we can leave the zoo behind and be fishing in minutes. During the spring and summer, we go fishing about at least once or twice a week. The fishing is temperamental but the laughs are guaranteed.
Tonight was no exception. It was a gorgeous July evening and we decided to go out to the lake and fish from one of GI Joe's childhood fishing spots. It was a picture perfect evening with the family, enjoying some quality time on the lake teaching the children valuable life lessons and imparting our profound wisdom on them. Oops wrong lake, that wasn't us. Here's the real story.
Within 5 minutes of arriving on the pier, Blade found a dead snake which he promptly came to "show" me. I was trying not to scream as there were other people on the lake but that left me only one other option....jump in the lake to get away from him and the dead snake. GI Joe, not wanting me to embarrass him by doing either of the above items, quickly told him to leave me alone with it and throw it in the lake. The real kicker was when about 30 minutes later GI Joe was reeling in what he thought was a big fish only to discover that same dead snake hooked on his line. Two snake sightings in one night? Yuck! Time to find a new fishing spot.
GI Joe and I were enjoying a brief moment of peace and quiet when the silence was broken by Dakota yelling "Ouch, I hooked my hair!" We looked over and sure enough in a casting attempt gone awry she had hooked her worm in her hair. Miss Independent didn't want any help getting it out, she worked it out on her own. Which is good because I was no help rolling on the ground laughing at her, not that I touch worms anyway.
Not 5 minutes later, GI Joe was adjusting my line and next thing I knew he had accidentally caught a 55 pound Blade bass. We had planned to just catch and release tonight, but this one was just too darn cute so we kept him. Maybe I'll hang him above the mantle.
During all this excitement, I looked over at Ryder sitting next to his pole, propped on a rock, and noticed that his pole was practically bent in half, pulling with the weight of a fish biting. Ryder was sitting right there but instead of paying attention to what his pole was doing, he was taking a "rock shower", pouring pebbles over his head. I mean really what else are you supposed to do, just watch your bobber or something? B-O-R-I-N-G. I mentioned to Ryder that he might want to reel in as he had a fish. He sprung into action and started reeling immediately but when Ryder gets down to crunch time in fishing, he approaches it differently that the vast majority. Instead of reeling until the fish is up on shore, once it gets about 5 feet from shore he goes into freak out mode and instead of continuing to reel he jerks as hard as he can to make the fish come flying out of the water. As you can imagine this works flawlessly...or not. The fish went flying off the hook and the empty hook landed squarely in his sister's shirt. But if you ask him, he'll tell you he caught a big one, he just let it go early. Seriously.
GI Joe got everyone calmed down from the "almost caught one" excitement and helped them all get their lines back in the water. Oh yes, all of them because the moment one gets any action they all drop their poles and come running to help. He had just sat down when Blade started yelling "Dakota caught one! Dakota caught one!" We looked and yep, she caught one....a REALLY REALLY big one. She had to one up her father's 55 lb. Blade bass and caught herself a GUY IN A BOAT. Tears of laughter were streaming down my face as I tried to photograph the event. The guy in the boat didn't seem to find the humor in it like we did so I did not get any pictures of it. But that's one picture that will forever be imprinted in my memory. I told her next time go for the yacht.
GI Joe was getting a little bit frustrated as he had mistakenly thought he would actually get to fish. Instead he spent the evening in a bit of a round robin from one kid to another to me to another, untangling lines, changing lures, casting, etc. I had to remind GI Joe that the Outdoor Channel wasn't there to film us doing the next fishing show, although they should because that would be one very entertaining fishing show (if there is such a thing) and that we were just there to have fun. Easy for me to say as I dangled my hook in front of his face and asked him to please remove that yucky moss from my hook so the fish could actually get to the worm. (I don't touch moss either.) I don't understand why he wasn't enjoying it as much as we were. Weird huh?
Finally, after the special vein in GI Joe's head started to pulsate I suggested that we call it a night before any serious injuries or strokes were sustained. The boys had moved on from fishing to throwing rocks in the lake and playing with frogs so it was only Dakota we had to pry away and by then she was yelling at the boys blaming them for scaring all the fish away . At least this time they hadn't jumped in and scared the fish away. That was last time. Sigh.
As we were walking back to the truck from our adventurous night of fishing, I suddenly saw a full moon. Not in the sky either. Instead it was my adorable son, Blade. His shorts were a little loose and as he walked by a bush it caught on his shorts and before he could say bluegill they were around his ankles. I thought it a fitting way to end our evening. At least no one fell in this time.

63 CASTS THROWN + 16 SNAGS UNSNAGGED + 3 PEOPLE HOOKED + 6 WORMS USED + 0 FISH CAUGHT = A MILLION MEMORIES MADE

Vacation Rehab

One more vacation quip, a picture or two, and then it's time to put it in my memory bank to be reflected on fondly on rainy days or reflective moments. Then I must try to move on and get off my lazy, post vacation stress syndrome, McFlurry lovin' behind, and get this house back in order and some suitcases unpacked...finally. To say I'm not transitioning back to reality well is an understatement. Is there vacation rehab? Preferably located on a beach somewhere? Sign me up.

I may have mentioned before that Dakota is a bit of a brainiac. She's been reading since preschool and just devours books that would put most of us to sleep such as the Visual Dictionary of Plants or Dinosaur Encyclopedia or a factual book about Germany...seriously. She reads anything and everything she can get her hands on and stores the info away in her little head to be used in casual conversation later. Such as when we were driving and all of the sudden from the backseat we heard an angelic girl voice exclaim loudly, "LOOK! LOOK! Look at all that yarrow on the side of the road!" GI Joe and I looked at each other with matching blank stares until she explained to us that yarrow is an herb used for medicinal purposes. Indians used it to get rid of headaches and it can also be used to cure sick cats if they've eaten something poisonous. Oh YARROW, of course we go way back, I knew that.

When we were taking in the different historical sites she read every brochure, booklet, pamphlet, etc from front to back and would then proceed to enlighten us with random information about what we were seeing. She was right there with her father for the tour of Jamestown, D.C., and Gettysburg. She loved it and soaked it all in. One particular instance of her being too smart for her own britches was when we were in D.C. and she told us an interesting fact she'd read about one of the presidents. GI Joe was all, "Oh yeah I knew that and did you know he also did blah blah blah," and I responded with, "Wow that's really interesting, I didn't know we had a president by that name." She looked at me and then to her father with a bewildered look on her ever so innocent face and said, "Mommy, am I smarter than you?" She really didn't mean it disrespectfully she was just asking an honest question. So I gave her an honest answer which was, "Ummmm, well no, of course note. History just wasn't my thing. Neither was math....or science....or never mind. But you can't do long division (yet) and I can spell better than you, so NO you're not smarter than me, take that sista!" I'm in trouble when she learns long division this year in 4th grade. Just so you don't think I'm a complete dizzy blonde, I WAS part of the National Honor Society in high school and graduated with the exact GPA as GI Joe. Never mind that I was in a graduating class of 35 and took such classes as Basic Math, Adult Living, and Journalism, that may or may not have cushioned my GPA slightly but whatev, minor details. We all have our strengths, mine just happen to be more socially oriented. The moral of the story here is this: Parents be careful what you wish for when you're putting in requests for your child to be one of those really smart, advanced kids, as your wish could very well be granted and will result in you being humbled and shown up on a regular basis by your kid. But it will all be worth it when she's footing the bill for our beachfront cottage with her 7 figure income. Who's the smart one now?

And this is the look I get from her ALOT. The one that says, "Can't you see I'm kind of busy right now, doing important things that intelligent people like myself do, like looking for previously undiscovered marine life or curing cancer and such? Also, are you sure I'm your daughter? I just don't see how it's possible."

Oh it's possible, 25 hours of labor NO DRUGS doesn't lie. Just remember to thank me in your Noble Peace Prize acceptance speech.

All in all our vacation was a smashing success with no major issues, which is very unusual for us and a tad bit boring. No breakdowns, no lost in the middle of the night excursions, no mixed up hotel reservations, no major items (ex: flat iron) left off the packing list and forgotten at home. I suppose it was worth the 764 loads of laundry that I'm currently battling. The score: Laundry: 761 PP: 3. I've got a ways to go.

National LamKoons Summer Vacation Part 2

Apparently, I've lost my ability to blog in complete paragraphs so back to bullets it is.

Other highlights from our trip include:

*Reaffirmed what I've always known...that I would not have survived in any other time period but the present. We went on a tour of the Jamestown Setttlement established in the 1600's. Oh my goodness, I almost cried tears of pity for the people who had to live like that. No internet? No TV's? No New Kids? No cell phones? No cars? The injustice. We toured 3 replicas of the ships that the settlers came over on from England, where the tour guide told us that one of the struggles of the passengers of the ship was extreme boredom. Wow, ya think? Then once they arrived, they worked like, all the time. And they basically had to wear the same thing EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. RIP Jamestown Settlers, and wherever you are I hope you're living it up, playing video games and washing your clothes in a Maytag.

*PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: I've figured out what is wrong with our nation! Turns out in the D.C. area, McDonald's does not offer Reese's McFlurry's. Ummm excuse me..what? How can our Senators and Congressmen and women, and even our President be expected to think logically and make smart decisions when they are forced to function without a necessity to happiness..a Reese's McFlurry? I'll be holding a press conference to announce my findings and suggest to McDonald's that they have the power to solve all of this country's problems, stay tuned to Fox News. I might've just changed the course of our nation. You're welcome.

*Speaking of D.C. we walked approximately 417 miles. Which is ironic, considering we paid a decent amount of money to ride the Tourmobile and take the guided tour of the city's landmarks. The thing with the Tourmobile was that you could get on and off at the different sites, all day as long as you showed your ticket. The problem with that was that our timing was less than impeccable and we always seemed to miss it from every stop by about 5 minutes. And because I am married to GI Joe, who doesn't see the value in waiting when you could just walk to the next location, we took D.C. by foot. Not sure if you knew this or not, but I can whine just as well if not better than my children, when forced to walk an exhorbiant amount when it's hot and I'm hungry AND we paid to RIDE the Tourmobile. GI Joe took great pleasure in my misery. It's been 24 hours now and my hips, shins, back, shall I go on...are STILL sore. When did I get so old?

*Dared the kids to ask the security guard at the Smithsonian if the exhibits really came alive after the museum closed. They just rolled their eyes and refused. Fun haters.

*Got a free, guided tour through the Smithsonian: Museum of Natural History, provided by none other than our very own Dakota. It was like Christmas morning to her, she wanted to read everything about each exhibit and would've spent 8 days there if we had time and her parents had half her attention span to such things. Nothing like a 9 year old explaining fossils, naming the obscure dinosaur skeletons, and her exasperated sighs when we mispronounced extinct mammal names, to make us feel smart. We've grounded her from the library and educational books for a month, that ought to teach her.

*For once, GI Joe posed for pictures and actually enjoyed it. Maybe it had something to do with the poses he was striking in front of such establishments as the EPA building and the Capitol Building in D.C. Thankfully, no arrests were made, although plenty of odd looks were received.

*Read my book as GI Joe navigated through rush hour traffic in downtown D.C. He has a few gray hairs but I'm happy to report that no injuries, fatalities, or automobile damage were sustained. And I finished Firefly Lane (great book) and ate LemonHeads. It's a stressful life I lead.

*Toured Gettysburg Battlefield on our way home. This was a dream come true for GI Joe. Given his affinity for war AND history, this was the perfect combination and someplace he's always wanted to visit. The battlefield itself was interesting (more so for GI Joe who actually paid attention in History class), but a little long. Why did it have to be 24 miles of battlefield with a stop every mile or so with a statue, or marker, or vantage point? I'm just sayin'. Abe, couldn't you have found a different, more condensed location? It worked out though, I got halfway thru a new book, the kids will be able to say they've been there when they learn about it in school, and one of GI Joe's lifelong dreams was fulfilled. The town of Gettysburg, Pennsylvania is a quaint town that makes you feel like you've stepped back in time to the Civil War period. Who knew they had an outlet mall during the Civil War, which happened to be right next to our hotel?!? Maybe I would've survived in the olden days after all.

*Drove past a farm in Pennsylvania that had a mini horse, a ZORSE, and, wait for it....A ZEBRA in their pasture! Jealous party of one.

*After leaving Gettysburg heading west towards home, we happened upon the backwoods of Pennsylvania. We're talking missing teeth, mall bangs, slippers in public, the works. I had no idea PA had backwoods but it was like a little piece of home. Sigh.....

And with that the National LamKoon's Summer Vacation is winding down. I'm sad it's almost over but am anxious to get home, pet my animals, and sleep in my own bed. Now if we could just work on getting that ocean built in Iowa I'd be a really happy camper.